“Emma?”

I answered him by climbing over him and straddling him. Then I pushed him back on the bed.

He put his hands on my thighs and looked up at me calmly.

“You can stay,” I said. “You don’t have to leave. Unless you have to get the kids. Or Brad.”

“Leigh’s fine with them. They’re having fun. Sarah doesn’t come back until Sunday. Brad’s with his namesake. He’s taken care of.”

“Don’t you miss him?”

“I’d miss you more.”

My pulse picked up and I had to look away from him. Then I wrinkled my forehead. “How did you get here?” I asked, looking back at him. “Did someone give you a ride?”

“I paddled on the unicorn floatie.”

I blinked at him. “Are you joking?”

“I am not joking.”

“You paddled here,” I deadpanned. “On the unicorn floatie.”

He put a hand behind his head in a way that made his bicep bulge. “Are you impressed I have that kind of upper body strength?”

“Justin!”

It must have taken him forever. The wind and the waves and the—

He rolled onto his side and took me with him, hooking a hand behind my knee to keep my leg wrapped around him. He draped an arm over my waist and scooted closer until his forehead touched mine and he closed his eyes.

“I had to get here,” he said. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

We lay there, the air humid between us. Our mouths inches from touching.

I studied him up close while he wasn’t looking. The cupid’s bow at the top of his lip. The beard that had started to come in since he got here. I liked it. I put a palm to his cheek to feel it, and he smiled a little.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

He didn’t answer for a long moment. When he did, he did it with his eyes closed. “All I ever think about is you.”

My heart pounded.

He opened his eyes. “What are we doing, Emma?”

Time stopped. Or I did. Reality smeared.

He put a gentle hand out to touch me. A thumb rubbed against my cheek to mirror the one I had on his.

“If this isn’t magic, then what is?” he asked. “What does it feel like to be under a spell if this isn’t it?”

His gaze held mine, and I couldn’t break it. It was a spell. I didn’t know how to answer him, and I didn’t know how to push him away. I didn’t know how to stay, and I didn’t know how to leave.

I tried to imagine living here, I really did—signing a lease on an apartment. Getting a permanent position. Living in the same place for all the seasons. Making friends, growing roots. But the thoughts terrified me. Why? Why did anything with strings make me want to run?

His siblings were good kids. Great kids. I wouldn’t have to live with them. I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do because Justin wouldn’t expect that of me. I had been through so much worse than sitting still, so why did the idea of staying feel so scary?

And then I knew. I knew why it was scary.

Because I would want to live with them. I would want to make those kids mine.

Staying meant I would fall in love.

I’d fall in love with this place. With him and his family. And that I didn’t do.

My lack of permanence was my protection. I left people and places, so I didn’t have to play. If I didn’t play, I couldn’t lose.

But if I left Justin, I would lose anyway.

The realization dawned before me. I’d been more affected by my upbringing than I’d been willing to admit. Because where else had I learned to live like this? Who else did I learn it from if not Mom, the woman who erased my past and never stopped moving? She’d trained me too well.

“I didn’t want to beg you,” he said. “But I don’t give a shit about my pride anymore. Stay. Please. Just to see what happens. See where it goes. I’ll take anything—a couple of months, a couple of weeks, whatever you’ll give me. Meet me where I am because I can’t go to you. I would if I could. I’d follow you anywhere if I was able to, but I can’t. Please,” he said again. “Stay.”

I let out a puff of air.

His eyes pleaded with me, and I was drawn to him like he was magnetic. He had been from the moment I met him.

I could feel the gentle in and out of his chest pressed into mine. The warmth of his body through our clothes. We were our own little universe. The rain pounded on the roof and the white noise insulated us. There was nothing else outside of the electric space on this bed in this room on this island.

This island.

This impractical, crappy, lonely island that I was growing to hate.

I closed my eyes and put my cheek to his. I could feel his plea in every inch of his body. There was a desperation in the soft breath that unfurled in my ear and the tension in his muscles. I pulled away and he hovered above me, poised to kiss me.

I wondered if this was going to be another one of his teases, but I saw in his eyes the moment he gave up trying to stay away from me. His mouth came down and his tongue brushed against mine and I dissolved.

It was hard to imagine that this kiss was the same thing we’d casually agreed upon once. The checklist item he’d put onto a spreadsheet.

There are so many things in life that exist on a spectrum. Trust. Kisses.

Love.

You can love someone and still not be willing to give up your way of life for them. And then there are those you love who you’d take a bullet for. It’s all the same emotion, just different levels. I’d lived on the low, safe side of everything. With the exception of Maddy, I kept my friendships at arm’s length and my relationships even further away. I never fell for anyone. I never let anyone close enough to try.

I didn’t let Justin close enough to try either, but he’d managed to get there anyway. Maybe there was never any other way it could have gone. He was always going to be this for me. And now we were in a kiss that was more than a kiss, and I didn’t want him to kiss anyone else. Ever.

I didn’t want to be kissed by anyone else. Ever.