I laughed incredulously. “Yeah, I do. I think you were in Wakan, sleeping it off.”

Nothing.

“What other lies did you tell?” I demanded. “Was my dad really married? Do you even know who he is at all or was it just your mission in life to keep me from anyone who would have actually taken care of me.”

She just focused on her washing. Didn’t even look up.

And then I knew that’s what it was. The truth roiled in my stomach. “Your parents would have wanted me, wouldn’t they?” I said. “Like they wanted Daniel.”

She whipped around. “You weren’t theirs,” she snapped. “They had no legal right to you—”

I burst into manic laughter. It was so fucked up, it was funny. She was the architect of the shattered life I’d lived. Of the life I still lived.

And she wasn’t even sorry. That was the worst betrayal of all.

It was the death of the last innocent, naive version of myself. That Emma no longer existed. I was snuffed out like one of her candles.

And I was done.

That broken and damaged part of me that she made turned on her. The part of me that could leave anyone and any place behind and never look back activated just for her. My heart shut off. All attachments I had to her, every bond she’d ever been given was pulled from the root. My defenses wrapped around me like an impenetrable protective shield, and I felt myself go eerily calm. I knew this was the last time I’d ever see her. I wouldn’t miss her. I wouldn’t grieve her. I would never look for her. This is what I was capable of.

This was my gift.

This was my curse.

Not the silly thing I was trying to undo once with Justin. It was my ability to not love.

“I’m going to give you one chance to tell me why,” I said steadily. “And then I’m never going to speak to you again.”

She looked at me. For the first time since I walked in here, I saw something like fear flash across her face. But she didn’t reply.

I turned and started for the door.

“Emma!”

I kept walking.

“Emma! Please!”

I stopped and turned back to her, my face flat. “Why?”

Her eyes were tearing up. “Because they would have kept you,” she said. “They would have kept you like they kept Daniel. And I loved you too much to let you go.”

I stared at her dispassionately.

“If you really loved me, you would have let me go.”

Then I walked out the door and pushed her from my heart forever.

But I wasn’t done.

I felt myself get small. I got so small, I vanished. It was catastrophic. A total decimation. A detachment like I’d never experienced.

I folded into myself tighter and tinier than I ever had, and when I was done, I got smaller still. There was no room for anyone. Not Maddy, not Justin. No one.

I didn’t want anyone near me. I didn’t want anyone to know me.

I wanted to be the island. I wanted to be alone and untouchable. To never rely on anyone or love anyone or let anyone love me, because this is what love gets you.

My heart shut off.

I called an Uber.

I knew it would hurt them when I disappeared, but I also knew the hurt I’d spare them because leaving was always in me. I was going to do it one day, I think I always knew that. My luggage would always be under the bed, waiting. As soon as Maddy didn’t want to be on the road anymore, I would have continued on without her and left her behind. Or when times got hard with Justin, because life throws things at you and relationships aren’t easy, I wouldn’t stay and work on it. I’d withdraw. I’d sabotage us so I could have a reason to take off, the way Mom always did. I’d leave him before he rejected me or I’d leave him when I loved him and those kids so much it terrified me enough to flee to protect myself.

It already did.

This was always going to happen. I didn’t know how to love anyone or let myself be loved. I couldn’t even say the word.

I could admit to this flaw in me now.

I wasn’t fit to be in a relationship. I wasn’t fit to be a parent. I wasn’t even fit to be a friend. I was full of cracks. And I didn’t want Maddy and Justin to have to fix something they didn’t break. I didn’t want those kids to lose another person they cared about like I’d lost all the people I’d ever cared about. So I was going to be the island.

And this time nobody would be on it.

CHAPTER 42 JUSTIN

I looked at my watch. “Do you think we should go check on her? It’s been an hour.”

Maddy was bouncing her knee. “I don’t know. Maybe give it five more minutes? This isn’t good, Justin.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “Yeah, no kidding.”

“No, I don’t think you get it.” She looked at me. “This is going to bring up so much shit.”

“She’s strong,” I said. “She’ll get through it, she’s gotten through worse.”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, she’s strong but not with this. Amber does something to her. She always has, she’s like her kryptonite.” She chewed on her lip. “God, I fucking hate her so much.”

“I hate her too.”

“Good. Welcome to the club, we meet on Wednesdays and we bring pitchforks.”

I snorted, despite myself.

She got up and paced, glancing every few minutes at her phone.

“I can’t wait anymore,” she said. “I’m going in.” She started for the exit and I followed her. She stopped at the door and turned to me. “Justin, she’s gonna get small. I need you to be ready for that.”