He freezes for several seconds, then says, “What do you mean?”
“I mean—with other women? With Nicole?”
“Oh, shit,” he says. “You’re really going in now.”
“I have to,” I say. “I care about you.”
He lets out a long sigh, then says, “Maybe. A little. I still feel so guilty.”
“Guilty for what?”
“That I didn’t protect her.”
“You had no way of protecting her,” I say, thinking about the phone call I didn’t make sooner. “There’s no way anyone could have known what was coming.”
He nods. “I know that. Rationally. But it’s still hard…. I was right there in her room…. I almost stayed over. Fuck. If I had just stayed with her.”
“You can’t think like that,” I say.
“It’s impossible not to—”
“I know—”
“And a small part of me wonders if Summer felt…I don’t know…that I didn’t have her back.”
“That’s crazy talk,” I say. “You always had her back. You were her number one supporter.”
“Yeah. In some ways…And I know I was a good friend…. But I feel like I would have disappointed her.”
“How?”
“It’s hard to explain…. The road we were on was just…complicated…. I was attracted to her—and of course I loved her—but deep down, I think she wanted more from me than I might have been able to give her. It’s almost like I feel guilty for something that never even happened.”
I nod, trying to process what he’s telling me. “Wait. Are you talking about a breakup?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Oh,” I say, things shifting around in my mind. “So you think you may have broken her heart?”
“Yes. I worry that I would have,” he says again. “And I can’t bear the thought of it.”
“Oh, Tyson,” I say.
He hesitates, then tells me about an argument they had a couple of days before she died. Summer had been upset that Tyson and I had gone to the mall without asking her to join us. She’d even gone so far as to ask Tyson if he’d ever kissed me.
I look at him, shocked. It doesn’t sound like Summer at all.
“You told her no, right?”
“Of course I did. But the whole thing just confused me. It made me feel like we shouldn’t have crossed that line. I regretted kissing her. At the same time, I wanted to kiss her again…. Either way, I was scared that I was going to mess up not only my relationship with her but the friendship of all four of us.”
“That didn’t happen, though,” I say.
“I know that,” he says, nodding. “But, Hannah, don’t you see?”
“See what?”
“What did happen was way worse.”
“Meaning you’ll never know what could have been?” I ask him.
Tyson gives me an incredulous look, then shakes his head. “Meaning she died, Hannah. I mean, who the fuck cares what would have happened between the two of us? Even if we’d had an ugly breakup—and it blew up our friendship—she’d still be here. I was worried about the wrong things.”
I lower my eyes and nod.
Chapter 18
Lainey
That evening, Hannah and I are in the bathroom, primping for dinner, when my agent texts. She says she’s about to call, and I need to pick up—it’s important.
The phone rings one second later. I answer it on speakerphone, so I can finish contouring my cheeks with a bronzing stick.
“Are you sitting down?” she asks me.
Hannah and I exchange a look in the mirror.
I freeze, then yell at her. “That’s a terrible question, Casey! This better be good news.”
