“It is. It’s fantastic news.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and resume my contouring. “You’re lucky,” I say. “What’s going on?”
“You remember the big audition you just blew off?”
It’s clearly a rhetorical question considering the amount of shit she gave me for the decision.
“Vaguely,” I say as Hannah winces.
“Well, it turns out that your little hard-to-get maneuver worked. Because…” Casey pauses, keeping me in suspense. “They. Want. You.”
“They want me for what? Sales Associate Number 2?”
“No, Lainey. They want you for the lead! They want you to play the Pigeon Girl.”
Hannah gasps, then covers her mouth with both hands.
“Is that so?” I say, waiting for the catch.
“Yes. I just got off the phone with Brad.”
“Pitt?” Hannah whisper-shouts.
I shake my head.
“Lainey?” Casey says. “Did you hear me? You’re Brad’s first choice!”
Hannah grabs my forearm, gripping it tightly in excitement.
“Ow,” I say, pulling away from her.
“Lainey? Are you there?”
“Hmm. Yes. I’m here,” I say. “So who else passed on it?”
“Nobody. They asked you first.”
“Wow. That’s incredible,” I deadpan, then whistle. “They wanted me over Margot Robbie?”
“Margot Robbie is way too pretty for this role.”
“Why, thank you.” I smile.
“You know what I mean, Lainey. This character is not a blond bombshell. She’s a quirky brunette. You read the script, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” I say, though it was more of a quick skim than a read. I had been planning to do a deep dive on my flight to L.A. But then Hannah called.
“So if you actually read it, you should realize that Margot Robbie isn’t right for this role—”
“What about Issa Rae? Rose Byrne? Kristen Bell? Anna Kendrick? America Ferrara?” I rattle off. All comedic actors. All bigger names than I am.
“They’re too old to play this role. At thirty-two, you’re on the cusp of being too old yourself.”
“Again. Thank you.” I laugh.
“Hey. No point in sugarcoating it.”
“What about Emma Stone? We’re around the same age.”
“Jeez, Lainey. I don’t know. Maybe Emma was their first choice. Maybe she had a scheduling conflict. Maybe the script didn’t speak to her. Maybe she was too expensive for their budget. This is a small indie film. But it’s an amazing opportunity for you. Why are you trying to give this role away?”
“I’m not trying to give anything away. I’m just managing expectations,” I say. “And besides, I don’t like being lied to.”
“Well, then you’re in the wrong business, my friend.” Casey chuckles.
I sigh, conceding the point, then ask if they’ve made me an official offer.
“No. They wanted to check on your availability first.”
“And? What’s the timing?”
“Well, that’s the only small catch. They would need you soon.”
“How soon?”
“Next week.”
“Next week?”
