One thing was certain: King Rothian would not give up this fight.
I hoped the council meeting wasn’t going to be a total disaster with the dispute between the courts, Isay’s father attending, and who knows how many other things working against us.
An ecos reading didn’t lie, but the person reading could very easily misinterpret situations or leave important bits out.
If they’d testify against Vindica, stating we had started the aggression, we would lose a lot more than a feeding ground this time. The interpreters were more skilled in the act than me when I’d attempted to wade through Ferro’s life force searching for answers, but it could that be Isay’s ecos was more tangled up and impossible to read after she’d taken on a delther’s life force.
Other than the messy table-top, the study looked undisturbed. Two chairs sat across from the king’s, but both me and Hiko remained standing in the middle of the room no matter how many times the king suggested we sit.
“Father, would you get to the point already?” Hiko snapped, tapping his fingers impatiently against his hip as he counted the seconds that King Grath remained silent, despite announcing we had things to discuss.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I was able to stand still myself.
Not long, not long at all. If I hadn’t given up Sela, I’d feel pretty damn tempted to go knocking on her door. Just to work out this angst creeping through me.
Sex with Isay had been different in the best possible way. However, I would not take my distressed self to her doorstep, because I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted to see her, but I would go to her once my mental state was in a more stable place. She deserved better. No, I would go live it out on a dummy in a training field, let her have the time to come to terms with what happened today. There, I would get myself together, and everything would be sorted out in the morning. I hoped.
“Of course,” the king said. “Would you please take a seat, boys?”
We’d been over that when we stepped in. Neither me nor Hiko were going to sit. We weren’t calm enough to be confined to a chair.
“Okay, okay.” King Grath pushed at the papers on his desk with a sigh. “Karmuth, when a lowly Felrothian servant brought you to our doorstep, I knew my worst decisions had come to bite me. You look exactly like your mother.”
I swallowed hard. A lump in my throat kept blocking my breathing. Hiko worried at his lower lip, staring at me. He was either going to strangle me or pat me on the back to release me from this discomfort. Either option worked for me, but other than his tapping hand at his hip, he remained still, waiting for the king to continue.
“The courts had been in disarray. The power of Hessia waning, Queen Lida falling ill, plus Rothian has never been a forgiving man. Son, you must understand that it pained me to give you up for fostering, but announcing a second son at such an unstable time would have been your death sentence. The council would have searched until they’d found something wrong with you. They wouldn’t have needed to search for long, as many mixed-fae never survived.”
Son. There was that word again. A week ago, I would have given anything to have someone call me that. Now it pained me even more to hear it.
The king of Vindica was my father, and he’d known all along. He paused as if to give me a chance to react, but I bit my tongue. What could I say to that? I’d bowed to the man all my life. Strained to earn his acceptance and approval, but not because I considered him a role model. No, I’d always been afraid he’d considered me a threat after the extent of my powers came out by accident.
I’d killed my foster father in an angry exchange when I was only seven. What we’d fought about was something ridiculous I couldn’t even remember. I’d been ready to die right then and there when the king sent for me. But instead of punishment, he’d put me in a guard training program.
For once, Hiko also stayed quiet, but a storm of emotions hid behind his eyes. I wish he’d hit me already and be done with it.
Grath sighed, “I always looked out for you, Kar. Always. Even being unable to tell you the truth. It would have disrupted the balance.”
“Balance, Father?” Hiko finally spoke up, but instead of striking out at me like I’d expected, he spat at the king, “You were worried about the balance? Do you have any idea how many times we’d wonder about Kar’s parents? We’d sit in the courtyard after training and he’d get that distant look on his face, and we’d know he was thinking about it. It’s been eating him up for years! And you were worried about the balance.”
I would not cry. However, I couldn’t help but get emotional as Hiko defended me in front of his father… in front of our father. It was not the type of reunion I’d had in mind.
“I’d planned to tell you sooner,” King Grath admitted. “But when Queen Lida never recovered and died a few years later, and King Ilario disowned one of his daughters for dalliance with a fae outside of their court, I couldn’t put your mother through this. Put you through this.”
“What changed now?” I asked, keeping my voice steady. Unlike Hiko, I would not shout at the king. I’d likely never feel free to express my mind the way the Crown Prince did. I’d grown up in fear and admiration of his authority. “Why are you revealing this now?”
“The council will be here tomorrow. Everyone will find out in the inquiry, and I’d rather you hear it from me.”
I nodded curtly. Keeping my eyes on the messy table top instead of the king I forced my body to stay still and not resume the shaking from the throne room. I needed to get out of this confining room and King Grath’s compassionate gaze. I couldn’t think under his scrutiny. “Is that all, your Majesty? May I be excused?”
“Karmuth—” the king started but gave a long exhale right after uttering my name. He did not dismiss me, however, and I did not have a tendency to walk out without discharge. “Do you know what your name means?”
With my lips pressed tightly together and my composure failing me, all I could manage was a slight shake of my head.
I would not cry. I would not cry. I would not… I wasn’t seven any longer. I’d given up on the fantasy that my abandonment was a mistake and my parents would welcome me back with open arms.
“Your name possesses an unrivalled power, son. You are the bringer of peace in all of Belfea.”
I let out a strangled laugh. Peace? How could all of the death I’d inflicted bring peace to anyone, let alone for every fae court this side of the portals?
“You are wrong about that, Your Majesty.”
His voice grew strained. “Kar, would you please call me—”
“No.” I would not address him in any other way. Years worth of conditioning wasn’t easy to break, and he did not deserve my affection.
Respect, yes. I respected my king. Understood, even. With Vindica pressed down the ladder of fae court hierarchy, feared and despised, having two potent sons would have inspired war. Hessians had trouble conceiving, and King Rothian had no heirs. Unexpected Vindican births would bring more wrath upon us. They blamed us for delther attacks, they could just as easily blame us for youngling deaths.
Strategically, keeping me a secret had been a wise decision, and my king was a wise man. Emotionally? The decision left me feeling unwanted and damaged.
So much so that I was doubting my connection with Isay. I was doubting whether I’d ever read her correctly. I wanted her to want me, so I might’ve imagined there was ever a chance for us. No, I needed her to want me. I needed someone to look at me without repelling me.
Isay. I needed Isay. I also needed to clear my head.
“May I please be excused?” I asked again. I had to get out before I broke down. Pace around the whole reservation, run in circles, hit something, destroy something.
I couldn’t keep staring at the high skirting behind the king’s chair, avoiding looking at his face and the way his eyes seemed wet. None of it made this situation any better. It pained him to have abandoned his child? How did he think it made me feel then?
“Yes, you may, Kar,” he said very quietly.
