“I’ve known Carlton almost all his life. He was a sweet little boy. Losing his parents was hard on him. For a while I didn’t think he’d ever recover enough to reach out in a real way to another person. But the day he brought you home for the first time, the look on his face, I could tell that he had finally met his match.” Jillian reached over and patted Latonya’s hand again.
Chuckling, Latonya replied, “I don’t know, Miss Jillian. I don’t think I’m any match for Carlton Harrington III. And I know for a fact that I was way out of my league that first night.”
“That’s because you didn’t know what to look for. The man was so smitten with you he didn’t know what to do. He even forgot every lick of home training and manners I tried to teach him.” Smiling a knowing smile, Jillian continued, “No I wasn’t surprised when you all continued to see each other. The quick wedding and pregnancy didn’t even surprise me. When I looked at Carlton that night, I could tell that he wanted you and he meant to have you.”
Latonya took a sip of her tea. “Yeah. Well, we see how that turned out.”
“Oh, he didn’t kick you out because he didn’t want you anymore. He kicked you out because he was scared. Scared that what had happened between his mother and father would happen between the two of you.” Jillian slapped her hand on the table to emphasize her point. “He threw you out because he thought that he could make you leave and it would hurt less than if you left him on your own.”
Intrigued, Latonya looked up from her tea because she’d never heard anything about what Carlton’s parents were like. No one in the family ever spoke about what kind of people they were. The only thing she knew was that they’d died in a plane crash. No wonder their marriage didn’t work out. They didn’t know each other. A sense of sadness overcame her at the realization and she felt an odd lump forming in her throat.
She took a sip of her tea, hoping it would help her to be able to speak without her voice cracking. “What happened between his mother and father? I thought they died together in an airplane crash?”
“They did. But it was the reason that they were together in that plane that haunts Carlton until this day.” Jillian then told Latonya the most heartbreaking tale.
Carlton’s parents had an awful marriage and it had left him scarred. Latonya’s heart automatically ached for the fifteen-year-old Carlton. No wonder he always felt like a kindred spirit, Latonya thought ruefully. We’d both been traumatized by our parents’ doomed marriages.
She felt the lump growing a little bigger in her throat; in fact she could now feel it in her chest. She had shared some of her messed-up childhood with Carlton on their first night together. Yet he had kept his past firmly locked away. No wonder Carlton didn’t trust her, he probably couldn’t.
“Miss Jillian, this means he will probably never really trust me. So, we’ll never be able to work things out between us. Our marriage is as doomed as his parents’ was.”
“I wouldn’t say that, child. Truth be told, his mommy issues are no worse than your daddy issues.” Giving her a pointed stare, Jillian continued. “You both have some things to work through if you’re going to make it last.”
Blinking several times, Latonya balked. “Daddy issues? I don’t have daddy issues.”
Or did she? She just dealt with life as it came. Could she help it if time and time again life proved itself true to course and the men she loved ended up rejecting her love? That wasn’t her issue. Was it? How could it be?
“Little girl, Evelyn Stevens has told me all about her no-good son who ran off and left his wife to take care of two little girls.” Jillian would have none of Latonya’s denial. “Your mama worked so hard to care for you and Cicely that she worked herself into an early grave. And even then your daddy didn’t come and see about his children. Left his mama to raise you both!”
Jillian had gotten a little too close for comfort. Everything had been fine when she filled Latonya in on the background of Carlton’s life, but Latonya could do without the in-depth psychoanalysis of her own life.
“My goodness, Miss Jillian! What don’t you and Gran talk about? My situation and Carlton’s situation are two different things.” Trying to bring the subject back to Carlton, Latonya found herself in no way ready or willing to face her own past. “Besides, I trusted him, until he kicked me out and made me leave little Carl. He clearly never trusted me and now I know why. It was because of the image he had of women from his mother. He saw her be unfaithful to his father and he figured no woman could remain faithful.”
“Oh. And you didn’t bring any baggage from your own relationship with your father?” Jillian refused to let her change the focus. “Because from the outside looking in, I saw two people who were too scared to really give their entire selves to each other, both of them holding back because they were afraid of being hurt, of being left alone.” She shook her head sadly. “By the looks of things, the two of you haven’t learned anything from the past. You still think that because of what happened between your own parents that you have some sort of destiny not to have real love in your lives.
“You’re spending your entire time together waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’ve got to open up your hearts fully, face the fear and learn to trust. Or else you’re right that you won’t make it. And what kind of legacy will that leave for those two precious little boys?”
Suddenly filled with more hopelessness than she’d ever felt, Latonya felt the ever-growing lump well up. She had agreed to go out with Carlton and spend time getting to know each other again. But they hadn’t known each other at all to begin with. How could she have loved him so deeply and not known the pain he carried? Latonya’s heart felt as if it were going to explode in her chest. She realized that even though all signs pointed to them not being able to work it out, she wanted their marriage to work. She wanted it, and the thought that she might not be able to have it left her colder than the tea in front of her.
“I think it may be too late already, Jillian. He never trusted me. I can’t say, after the way he treated me, that I will ever be able to fully trust him.”
“He regretted what he did the minute he did it. I hadn’t seen that man cry since he was a toddler. He sobbed serious tears that day. He went looking for you at Evelyn’s.” Jillian slapped the table again. “He was probably going to beg you to forgive him. You weren’t there. And, you never showed up. I think your disappearance was too familiar, felt too much like what used to happen with his mom, so he just stewed in anger for the past three years until little Carl said he didn’t want anything for his birthday but his mother.”
Latonya couldn’t help but smile at the mention of her child. “Yes, Carlton told me that. However, I don’t think he would have apologized back then. He still hasn’t apologized for anything that happened.”
Jillian reached over and patted Latonya’s hand as she said ruefully, “Well, he is a Harrington. We’ll have to go through another pot of tea on another night for me to fill you in on the background there, fill you in on what happens when a man bitter about losing his only son has to raise his only grandson.”
Taking a sip of tea, she sighed before continuing. “This isn’t an easy family you married into, child. If anyone can handle it, you can. The fact is this house has known so much joy since you stepped foot in it, and even when you were gone, you left such a gift in little Carl.” Jillian paused for a moment and moved her hand to her chest, patting it lightly.
“You gave Carlton a hope that he couldn’t have imagined. That’s what I saw on his face the first night that let me know he was a goner. I saw it again when he walked in here with you at his side after three years away. He has hope.” Jillian chuckled mischievously. “It’s scaring the crap out of him and he will probably mess up a lot before it is all said and done, but he’s hoping that the two of you are going to be able to make it work this time. I’d put my life’s savings on that fact.”
Shrugging, because the years had taught her she couldn’t win an argument with self-assured and determined older women like Miss Jillian, Pamela and Gran, Latonya simply said, “Well, I haven’t seen it. I guess I’m not as perceptive and wise as you, Gran and Pamela.”
“That’s right! You’re too young to really know it when you see it. Shoot! You don’t even know it and you’re feeling it yourself! But don’t worry. I think the two of you will come around in time.”
“If you say so.” Latonya took a sip of the now-cold tea.
“I know so.” Jillian hit the table with a firm slap as if to reaffirm her point.
Chapter 26
“It’s just a date,” Latonya mumbled, shaking her head. She’d decided she wasn’t going to build up too many expectations for her evening with Carlton.
Sitting in the backyard with Jillian and Pamela, Latonya watched as her sons played together. She also hoped that the two women would stop teasing her about her plans for the evening.
“A date, my behind,” Jillian teased. “I can see that this is more than just a date. It’s your new beginning with your husband.”
“I think it’s so romantic,” Pamela sighed. “Do you know what you’re going to wear? Where is he taking you?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to wear. Maybe a dress or something. We’re just going to grab a bite to eat and catch a movie. We want to keep it simple.” Although Latonya hadn’t had a lot of experience in dating before she met and married Carlton, she did think that dinner and a movie was about as normal a date as any.
“That sounds nice. Make sure you pick a scary one so that you can jump into his arms during the frightening scenes,” Pamela advised, laughing.
“No, pick a romantic one to set the mood,” Jillian offered with a wink.
“You ladies are too much. We are going to see a new romantic comedy. So there won’t be any jumping into arms or setting of any moods. Just a nice light evening.” Latonya shook her head. She couldn’t decide which pair was worse, double-trouble, as she affectionately called the Jillian-and-Gran team or two-for-the-trouble, the name she’d given the Jillian and Pamela combination. She decided that pairing the opinionated Jillian with anyone would probably end up being some kind of trouble. But she liked it. It was good having people around her who cared.
“Mommy! Terry won’t play fair!” little Carl screamed from across the yard.
