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“When I rushed back from Barbados, the first thing I wanted to do was beg you not to throw our marriage away. But my pride made me push you away. When I thought I saw your betrayal with my own eyes, I kicked you out before you could leave me for him. I was trying to protect my heart, but I ended up ripping it out just as surely as if I’d done it with my own hands. When you disappeared, I was miserable. I hurt you and I will never be able to apologize to you enough for that. But I am sorry, baby. So very sorry.”

“How could you have believed that I would betray you like that? That’s what hurt so bad.” Latonya bit out the words forcefully and pulled her face away from his caress. “I thought if nothing else, you would have had more faith in me! No matter what your grandfather told you. You should have listened to my side.”

Carlton felt as if he was losing his entire world all over again. The hurt and anger in her voice cut him and he felt fear, regret and remorse seeping into the wound her words left behind. “I didn’t believe it then. I felt in my heart that you wouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t trust it. I went into self-preservation mode and ended up losing the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up losing the only woman I ever loved. I’m sorry. I should have trusted you. I shouldn’t have kicked you out.”

“You loved me?” she asked tentatively.

“I still love you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, if you can never grow to love me. I won’t try to make you stay somewhere that you don’t want to be. As hard as it will be for me to let you go, I will.” He knew what he had to do so that his sons wouldn’t miss out on their mother’s love and attention as an everyday part of their lives. “I love you too much to see the hurt in your eyes, or to break your spirit by making you stay in a marriage you don’t want. You can have custody of the boys, all I ask is to be allowed open visitation and that you please don’t take them far away.”

Latonya folded her arms across her chest. “If you loved me, why didn’t you ever say it?”

“I honestly thought you knew. I thought the entire world could see it. And you never said it, either. I figured that given your past with your father, showing you how I felt would mean more in the long run.” If he had it to do over again he would tell her and show her that he loved her every day.

“You love me? But you’re letting me go?” Awe-struck, she whispered the words.

“Yes. It’s for the best. You’re my heart and I love you. But if you don’t love me, I’ll only end up making you miserable.”

“How can you love me when you never trusted me and you never told me that you loved me? I loved you so much. I kept thinking that it was only about lust and sex for you and that you were going to get tired of me eventually and move on. I guess my parents’ relationship colored my views. I didn’t expect what we had to last because their marriage failed. But I thought at least I’d have the memories and our son as a reminder of how much I loved you.”

She gritted her teeth and her hands balled up into little fists. “Then you threw me out and kept our son. You broke my heart, but I still loved you. It made me sick when I would lie in bed at night rubbing my pregnant belly and thinking of you, thinking of running back to Miami and begging you to forgive me for something I didn’t even do. When I had Terrence and he came out looking so much like the Harrington he was, reminding me of little Carl every time I looked at him, I wanted to hate you. But I couldn’t.” As she gazed at him, he saw the pain he’d caused her.

“I didn’t know that telling you how I felt would have helped. I thought that if you knew that I was in so deep, it would scare you and make you flee. I thought you just married me because you’d been saving yourself for marriage. Women tend to build sentimental attachments to the first man they have sex with.…I knew you loved our child. But I didn’t think you could ever really love me. So I never opened my self up enough to let you see my feelings.”

He paused and turned away. Although he wished he could have had the conversation with her without bringing his parents up, he knew that he needed to bare all of his soul if she were going to truly understand. He had to come clean about his own demons the way she had about hers.

“You weren’t the only one who had a lousy model for relationships to get past. My parents had a very rocky marriage. In spite of everything that went down between my parents, I believe that they loved each other very much. Watching how their love played out, how sick and twisted it became, made me more than a little gun-shy about that emotion.” Carlton took a deep breath. The chasm in his chest had turned into a river and he felt emotions pouring out of him that he hadn’t even known were there.

He told Latonya about his mother’s many infidelities, and what the battle between his parents had done to him, how their deaths had made him feel. “I always thought it was my fault. If I had gone with her, my father would have come for her sooner, before hurricane season.…Their flight might not have run into bad weather. I feel guilty for their deaths and I never felt I could allow myself to fall in love.”

He allowed himself to feel the pain, really feel it for the first time in decades. Losing his parents, no matter how messed up they were, hurt. He felt a tear running down his cheek. Wiping it away, he turned to Latonya. She appeared to be listening intently, so he continued. He might as well get it all out.

“I didn’t like what love did to people. I didn’t trust the emotion at all after they died. That’s why, when I first saw you and felt the sharp piercing in my heart, I tried everything in my power to push you away. I actually thought that if I was harsh enough you would give up and find another place of employment.” Remembering how horribly he acted toward her back then, he paused in shame and glanced at her.

Her silent contemplation showed that she was also remembering those days.

Carlton wished that he could have found a way to go back and right all the wrong. He’d almost lost the love of his life because he’d been too arrogant and pigheaded to recognize her. The thought that he might still lose her caused him to finish his story in hopes that it might make a difference.

Carlton hesitated. Putting everything on the line was hard. What if it was too little too late? What if she still rejected him? He knew he had to try.

“You were very determined, and the more I pushed you the more you pushed back. I can’t tell you how sexy that was. So, I thought if I had sex with you that would surely free me of the growing feelings I was starting to have for you. It always worked with women in the past. But I should have known better, because my feelings for you were stronger than anything I’d ever experienced. I mean, I was jealous of your silly, harmless flirting with Stan, Juan and Jeff, because I wanted you to flirt with me.” Glancing at her again, he noticed that her eyes narrowed slightly. Carlton closed his eyes and chided himself over his foolish jealousy. He knew that he probably didn’t deserve Latonya, and worse, the trip down memory lane was probably confirming that for her. He could lose her! His chest exploded and his stomach suddenly felt queasy. But he knew there was no stopping. She had to know everything.

“But all I did was fall more deeply for you. That’s why I asked you to marry me, and I hoped that one day you would grow to love me half as much as I loved you. I wanted you. I needed you. I still do. Can you ever forgive me for not trusting love enough to give you my heart?”

As he turned to face her, readying himself for rejection, his heart stopped when she got up from the sofa. She stood in front of him and studied him carefully. “Love can’t survive in fear or if there’s no trust.”

“I trust you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I’m sorry for all I’ve done, for listening to Grandfather’s lies. He admitted it all today. If I had known that you had come back that day, I would have found you much sooner. I will never forgive myself for the three years we lost as a family. And I will never forgive my grandfather for threatening your life.”

Carlton was certain about that. He would never be able to trust his grandfather again.

Latonya shook her head. She never thought she would see the day when she would make a case for the elder Harrington. But then she never thought she’d see the day when her husband would give such a heartfelt apology, listing all of his faults and wrongdoings. “He did it because he loved you and he was afraid.”

Carlton gritted his teeth and his jaw locked defiantly. “I don’t want him around you or the children.”

“You have a right to be angry with him. But he is family and he is sorry.” Standing in front of her husband, she tried to find any of the hardness that had buried itself in her heart since he had kicked her out. She found none.

“Why didn’t you tell me what he’d done?” His eyes narrowed slightly and she felt as if she were under a microscope.

She honestly believed that she had made the best decision in that regard. In order for everyone to heal, they had to come to and make their own peace.

“It wasn’t my wrong to right.” Sitting back down on the sofa, she searched for the strength to confess her own shortcomings. She knew that she had to admit her part in the failure of their marriage if they were truly going to move on.

She put her hand on his hand, held it to her cheek and stared him in the eyes. His gaze was so intense and searing, she couldn’t have looked away if she wanted to.

“I have my own faults to confess. I was too scared to trust you not to leave me or throw me away like my father did my mother…like my father did my family. So I never told you how much I loved you. Even today, after the night we shared, I realized that I loved you, and rather than staying and fighting for our marriage, I chickened out and ran instead. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?” Smiling weakly, she allowed her eyes to plead for understanding.

As if he understood the message she was trying to convey, he said simply, “You never have to plead for my love. I couldn’t stop loving you any more than I could stop breathing.” He caressed her face, and then he asked, “You want to be with me? You’re not leaving me?”

“I will never leave you again. I’m going to give you all the love I have inside so that you will never think not to trust me with your heart.” She brought her hand to his face.

Taking a deep breath, he let out a sigh. “She loves me.” He bent his head down and his lips claimed hers. “I love you, Latonya. Let’s go home.”