Just ask what you want to know. What’s been bugging you?
“Are you…” Be brave. “Cold?” OK, I was a wimp. “We could go inside if you are?”
He grinned. “That wasn’t it, was it?”
Eurgh. It really wasn’t. I wanted to check he wasn’t doing a Simon. That the Better Half call really had been nothing to worry about. I took a deep breath. “Fine then… I’ve told you I’m an ex-Jingle Lady. But are you … are you seeing anyone?”
He looked confused.
“I’m seeing … you?” Now was NOT the time for a language barrier to get in the way. “And them.” He pointed down the street then shook his head. “This game is really not what I expected.”
“No, I meant…” This was SO awkward. Do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Or both?
“I meant … is there anyone who, y’know, wouldn’t like you being here…” Gulp. “On a…” Just say date… “Bench?”
After what felt like hours, but was probably nearer ten seconds, he looked up.
“Dash. Do you really think I’d do that?”
But that was the problem. I hoped he wouldn’t. Just like I hoped Simon wouldn’t have done that to Grace. And look how that had turned out. “To be honest, who knows? We don’t even know each other’s names.”
I knew his name was Kyle, and I guess he knew mine too, but finding them out by accident didn’t count.
Ru sighed. “I guess that is something we should have covered in the last twenty-one days.” He’d been counting?!
“Fine then.” Here went nothing. “I’ll start. I’m Molly. As in, ’tis the season to be Molly.” That’s why my parents had chosen my name. “Although I think you heard my dad yell it in Edinburgh. My parents probably would have called me Jolly if it wasn’t a criminal offence. Do you know in the UK it’s illegal to call a baby ‘Martian’?” Oh hello Nervous Gabble. Nice to see you again. “And in France, you can’t call one Nutella. But things like Apple or Beverley are fine.”
“Pleased to officially meet you, Molly.” Ru held out his hand. “I’m Kyle Apple … and I am deeply offended.” He laughed through his nose. “Sorry, no, bad joke. I’m actually Jay. Did I mention that wasn’t my name badge I had on when we met?” He hadn’t. But it didn’t matter. HOUSTON WE HAVE A CONFIRMED NAME. Jay. Jaaaay. Molly and Jay. May. Jolly?! Was this fate? “And what else can I tell you? Oh yeah … I’m a recent Christmas convert. Very recent. As of today really.”
He paused.
“And…” I willed him to tell me something more. Anything more.
“Let’s see … I tell everyone I love snowboarding, but I’ve never been. I hate heights. I’m totally flunking math.” Flunk or not, why did saying it without an “s” make it hot?! “Which sucks as I used to love space stuff, my parents are obsessed with it too. I was convinced I’d be an astronaut. Although I guess, space is kinda high.” He thought for a second. “I’ve been travelling on and off for almost two years now, and I really miss my bed. And our weird old neighbour who is convinced Elvis is hiding in her yard…” But he still hadn’t said anything about the seeing-someone situation. “And one time, when I was twelve, I broke my nose” – he pointed to the scar – “trying to prove to my best friend that our truck window was made of shatterproof glass.” BUT WAS HE SEEING SOMEONE?!
But I said nothing. He noticed that I wasn’t reacting. Waiting.
“Oh, OK. It’s like that, is it.” I nodded. “Fine. To answer your question. In the most suspicious game of British Christmas Truth or Dare ever…” I braced for impact. Face – stay calm. Whatever he says, stay calm. “If you really want an answer. There is someone I liked. Well, like.” Ouch. And that, right there, was exactly why romcoms should be banned. “But that someone … is you.” What?! “And I swear, on the world’s supply of gingerbread-without-coffee drinks and polar bear marshmallows, and all the pickles on all the Christmas trees, there is no one else. No other person. Not here. Not in the US. Not anyone.” Gulp. “Just you. Who, until two hours ago, I thought was a complete and utter Jingle Lady.” He stopped. “And yes, I still can’t make that sound cool.”
I felt like a Christmas cracker that had been pulled; all the feelings I’d been tucking away, bursting out.
I did like Ru. Really really like him.
I’d always thought happy endings weren’t possible. But maybe they were? Even for someone like me. Because Ru – who had made me laugh, made me not worry, made me the very best playlists – liked me. Molly Bell.
And that made my mind up.
There was no way I was cutting this night short to go and see Joseph D Chambers. I was going to have to speak to Elijah. See if it could be rearranged.
“This silence … not super relaxing, by the way.” Oops. But Ru laughed and started tracing shapes in the snow with his shoe. “Especially as I have no idea if you like me back. I mean, I thought you definitely didn’t. Making the whole Jingle Lady thing clear. And blanking my messages. But then out of the blue you asked to meet. And I don’t know what’s going on, and maybe it was the prizes for the fundraiser or maybe it’s not and maybe I shouldn’t have said any of this…” He chewed his lip. Did he really think my silence was me not liking him? Did he not know I was knee-deep in a total meltdown? Did he really not think it was him who had been giving mixed signals?!
It was time to be honest. Even if my brain was one big jumble of words. The biggest one being “ELF”.
“OK, if you want the truth…” He nodded. I wasn’t sure he’d feel the same once I’d got it all out. “I’m Molly, Molly Bell, and I’ve got two sisters. Billy, who you met. And Tess.” He looked confused. “Yup. Sorry about that. Kyle. And it’s not my neighbours who have ridiculous Christmas decorations. Or move plastic reindeer every day. It’s my family. And that was our car. Aka Cara.”
“Whoaaaaa.” He whistled.
“Oh, there’s more. I love playing bass guitar, but only ever play it in my room. And I also play banjo, but wish I couldn’t.” Had he moved nearer to me? “Half of my bedroom is covered in horse photos, thanks to Bil.” I had way too much to work with. I’m sure an edited highlights would have been fine? “And that bad day I had last week?” Were our legs touching?! “Well, I totally humiliated myself at the end of term awards and may have to feign illness from January through to July. And just stay inside making these with Tess…” I pulled the socks out Tess had made and I’d sewn “R” and “U” on. He immediately flicked off his shoes to put them on.
“Molly,” he said. It sounded so nice when he said my real name. “You are a bass guitar, banjo-playing legend?! These are” – he wiggled his toes – “my new favourite thing. And you HAVE to show me a photo of your house.!”
But I had to get my final secret out in the open. All this time keeping it secret hadn’t protected me after all. It had just stopped me living my life.
“Wait. There’s one last thing. And I really don’t want you to freak out.” Please don’t let him react like Zaiynab. Or Matt. Or Simon. Or all those people who had left mean comments online. “I don’t herd reindeer.” Weirdest confession ever. “And nor do my parents. I’d never even met Derek before that day.” Not getting any less weird. “My dad works in insurance. And my mum’s a librarian. But years ago… Erm … you know how much you hate that song by The Brussel Shouts?” He nodded, confused. I got out my phone. Opened up the photo of me and my family when I was little. “Well, that little elf girl that makes you cringe…” I turned the screen. “It’s me.”
CHAPTER
18
Ru didn’t laugh.
Well, he did, but only the totally appropriate amount when he saw the picture of bright-green-child me in full elf mode.
But, more importantly, he didn’t run.
“Molly. This is adorable!” Adorable?! No one had ever said that before! “This is your family? They’re incredible. Although I’m kind of sad about Derek.” He dropped his head into his hands and groaned. “No wonder your dad gave me that look in Scotland.”
“Please can we never speak again of what happened with my dad in Scotland?” The lunging image lived in my mind rent free, and I seriously wanted it evicted.
