“You have to be gentle. Like a caress. Here, let me show you.” And she took a little bit of cream and started ever so gently dabbing it at her face. “Like an angel’s wings,” she explained.
“It’s gonna take forever that way,” Gran grumbled.
“It does take time,” Scarlett admitted. “But it’s worth it.”
“How long does your morning skincare routine last?” asked Charlene.
“Oh, about two hours?” said Scarlett.
Charlene gulped, Vesta’s jaw dropped, Marge goggled at the woman, and Odelia laughed.
“Crazy,” Gran determined as she shook her head and handed back the cream to her friend.
“If you want to look good, you have to put in the time. There’s no other way.”
“I don’t have that kind of time,” said Charlene.
“And nor do you need it, sweetheart,” said Uncle Alec as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “You’re beautiful as you are.”
Charlene didn’t look convinced. “Maybe I should start getting up earlier,” she said.
“Me too,” said Marge. She turned to Scarlett. “Could you demonstrate your routine to me in detail? I would like to know how it works, exactly.”
“Of course. Why don’t I organize a girl’s night, and we can talk skincare all night long.”
“That sounds great,” said Charlene, looking much relieved.
“Exactly what I need,” said Odelia.
“But honey, your skin is perfect!” said Marge.
“Not so perfect,” said Odelia. “I found a blemish yesterday. Two blemishes, in fact.”
“I also found a blemish,” said Grace. “So count me in. You can’t start early enough,” she said when she found me staring at her.
“Oh, boy,” said Brutus. “Am I glad I’m not a human. Two hours to apply cream to your face in the morning, and maybe two hours at night to take it off again? What a drag.”
It certainly sounded like something I wouldn’t want to do. But then I guess humans are a little weird. They want to keep looking good until the moment they pass to the great beyond and will do anything to accomplish that. And more power to them. After all, it’s good to have goals in life. Aspirations. And if your aspiration is to look good, that’s fine with me.
“Do you think we should also spend two hours in the morning trying to look good, Max?” asked Dooley.
“I think cats have the advantage of looking good whatever they do, buddy,” I said.
“We’re gorgeous out of the box,” said Harriet. “It’s the way nature intended us to be.” She burped and a tiny bubble escaped her lips. “Oops,” she murmured.
“What do you do about skincare?” asked Uncle Alec.
“Me? Nothing,” said Chase.
“No lotions, creams, nothing?”
“Nope. Nothing at all.”
“Charlene has suggested I use a moisturizer,” said the chief. “She says I have dry flaky skin.”
“Not me,” said Chase. “My skin is flawless.”
“Lucky you,” said the chief with a touch of envy.
“It’s genetics. Nothing you can do about it. You can rub gallons of cream on your face and it won’t make one bit of difference. Scarlett won the DNA lottery, that’s all there is to it.”
“Better don’t tell that to Charlene,” said the chief. “She’s been on a cream binge lately, scouring the internet for the right cream to use on her skin and going through tons of the stuff.”
“Won’t help,” said Chase -. “Either you got great skin or you don’t.”
“If you say so,” said the chief, looking a little disappointed.
“What you need is a whiff of this,” said Gran, and took out a can that looked very familiar. And then I recognized it: it was that same bug spray she had used on Harriet! She proceeded to spritz some of it on her son and Chase, who sat there looking quite shocked.
“Did you just use bug spray on us?” asked the chief.
“It’s not bug spray,” said Gran. “It’s…” Then she checked the can. “Oh, shoot, you’re right. It is bug spray. Strange. I thought I’d gotten rid of the stuff.” She shrugged. “Oh, well.”
The chief and Chase both turned a little green around the nostrils, and as they got up, both looked faint. Bubbles were escaping their mouths and as they made a run for the house, I had a feeling that same nausea that had attacked Harriet now held them in its grip.
“What’s wrong with Chase and Alec?” asked Charlene.
“Oh, nothing,” said Gran as she quickly threw the can of spray under her chair. “Probably something to do with a case. I could have sworn that was hairspray,” she whispered to Scarlett.
