He told the guy he felt much the same way, told Mrs. Muffin that he didn’t know the first thing about bug spray, and told Mrs. Canyon that she should make an appointment with his personal assistant and he’d see what he could do. And then he rolled into a ball and hoped that when he woke up again the world would be a better place, without people trying to shoot him!
CHAPTER 34
Huey, Louie, and Dewey were proud that they had been the first to take down their guest’s attacker. And it was true: they had been the first to spring to Rogelio’s assistance when he was staring into the barrel of a loaded gun. Harriet and Brutus were second, since apparently they had been in search of pets that needed the assistance of ‘Santa’s Helpers’ as they now called themselves. I was glad to see that Harriet was feeling better and that she hadn’t lost her spunk.
After I had told Odelia what I thought was going on, Chase made a couple of phone calls and confirmed that my theory was as good as any other, and so they had decided to test it out in the real world by providing a trail of breadcrumbs for the hotel manager staking us out from across the street. He had immediately taken the bait and followed us to the home of Uncle Alec and Charlene, where he had proceeded to threaten the poor lawyer with violence before being taken down by a combined task force consisting of one detective, one civilian consultant, four cats, three dogs, and two members of the neighborhood watch and their driver. In other words: an overwhelming enemy force that the hotel manager couldn’t possibly compete with.
The man had been led away and would have to pay for his crimes. Meanwhile, the lawyer had suffered a sort of breakdown, which was understandable. And since we didn’t want to leave him all by himself, we decided to keep him company for now. Gran and Scarlett felt the same way, and took it upon themselves to act as the man’s guardian angels until backup arrived. The threat might have been lifted, but that didn’t mean he was out of trouble just yet. Their driver had left, but not before repeating how happy he was to have made all of our acquaintance. He seemed grateful for the adventure of a lifetime, as he called it.
“I should never have spritzed you with that bug spray,” Gran told Harriet as she stroked her affectionately. “Will you ever be able to forgive me, honey?”
“Of course, Gran,” said Harriet. “Though maybe next time when you want a guinea pig, you should find a different one. I didn’t enjoy the experience.”
“Though we wouldn’t have minded having kids, would we, sparky star?” asked Brutus, happy now that he wouldn’t have kids after all.
“I’m not sure I want kids, snuggle bug,” said Harriet. “It’s a lot of work, isn’t it, taking care of kids? And such a responsibility. I mean, just look at Chase and Odelia and how much work they have with just the one kid. Imagine the same thing but multiplied by five or six or seven.”
“I guess you’re right,” said Brutus, well pleased. He gave me a wink.
“He looks exhausted,” said Scarlett as she cast a worried glance at the estate lawyer.
“Attempts have been made on the man’s life no less than three times in a row,” said Gran. “How would you feel if people were trying to kill you all the time?”
“I guess it’s not a pleasant experience,” said Scarlett. “Though he’s safe now, isn’t he?”
“I’m not sure,” said Gran, giving me a questioning look.
“He’s safe for now,” I said. “But the people who paid that hotel manager and also Johnny and Jerry to get rid of him are still out there, and they might try again.”
“You know, this bug spray might not have worked on Harriet,” said Dooley, “but it worked on the bugs in our backyard, didn’t it? So maybe it only works on bugs? It is called a bug spray, after all, not a pet spray.”
“I like your thinking, Dooley,” said Gran. “But I’m not going to give it any more tries. I’m glad that Harriet is fine, and I’m not going to take any chances from now on.”
Just then, a familiar-looking fly came buzzing into the house, took one look around, and settled on the wall next to me. “I’ve been talking to Norma,” he said. “And you’ll be happy to know that everything is fine between us. Marriage saved and soon I’m going to be a dad!”
“Oh, Norm, you finally took the plunge!” said Harriet.
“That’s great news, Norm,” said Brutus. “Congratulations.”
“Was it the bug spray that did it, you think?” asked Dooley. “Did Gran zap you with that bug spray and now Norma is pregnant?”
“Bug spray had nothing to do with it, buddy,” said Norm. He pounded his little chest. “It’s all down to me.”
“Congratulations, Norm,” I said, well pleased with this good news. “That’s great to hear. And I know you’ll be a great father to those kids.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?” asked Dooley.
Norm grinned, or at least I thought he did. It’s hard to read a fly as their facial features are a little different from ours. “I guess there will be boys and girls both,” he said.
“Oh, you mean you’re having twins?” asked Dooley.
“A fly lays over a hundred eggs, Dooley,” I said. “So there will be plenty of boys and girls.”
He stared at me. “A hundred kids! But how are you going to feed all of them, Norm?”
“Norma found a great stash of food,” said Norm, and he seemed to have reconciled himself pretty well with his new role as dad. But then it’s different for flies, as their young leave the nest pretty early on and don’t stick around like human children do. They sometimes linger on until they’re well into their twenties or even their thirties and forties, which seems like a terrible nuisance for their poor parents. Then again, I did hope that Grace would stick around for a long time to come, as I quite enjoyed having her around.
Charlene and Uncle Alec’s guest had awakened from his slumber, for he smacked his lips and opened his eyes to look around. When he saw three dogs, four cats, two old ladies, and a fly looking back at him, he blinked and shot up. “I must have fallen asleep,” he said.
“That’s all right,” said Gran, patting him on the arm. “You sleep as much as you like. You’ve been through a big ordeal, so you need to sleep it off. If you want, I could make you a cup of tea?”
“Coffee,” he said immediately. “I mean, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“Absolutely not,” she said, and swiftly got to her feet. “It’s my son and daughter-in-law’s place, you see,” she said. “So I know my way around here pretty well.” She started opening kitchen cupboards left and right, proving that she didn’t know her way around there any more than we did. It is true that Charlene’s place is not a house that we often frequent, though now that she had taken three miniature poodles under wing, that might change. Even though at first we hadn’t made a great impression on the doggies, we now got along well. Their human was in prison, serving a sentence for stealing chickens and swindling people out of money, and so Huey, Dewey, and Louie had found a momentary home with Charlene, and they seemed to like it a great deal, too. Even Uncle Alec had taken to them in a big way. I’d always suspected him of being a dog person, and now we had proof that he was, in fact, big on dogs.
“What’s going to happen to that poor man, Max?” asked Dewey.
“Yes, are they going to keep shooting at him?” asked Huey.
“He doesn’t deserve it,” said Louie. “He’s very nice.”
“He likes to play with us,” said Dewey. “And we like humans who play with us.”
“We sure do,” said Louie. “So we wouldn’t like him to get shot, Max.”
“I don’t think he would like to get shot,” I said.
