And he was forgetting already why a burned-out barn had mattered more than Sadie next to him.
“What?” Connor asked.
“You are my older brother. You’re a grown man.”
“I never asked you to take care of me,” Connor said.
“You expect it,” Eli bit out.
Connor shook his head. “Look, man, I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I’ve never asked you for anything. I’m glad you’re here, I won’t lie, but if you weren’t? I would be happy to just stay drunk and live in filth. You’re the one who—”
“And it’s things like that, Connor, that mean I can’t leave you to it. Because you don’t think I know you’d sink in it? I do, and I won’t let it happen.”
“And so what, Eli? I’m supposed to get myself together the way you see fit so you don’t have to deal?”
“Yeah,” Eli said. “Yeah. Just...could you? Because I can’t work a job, and work on the ranch, and run for sheriff, and file your insurance claim and not lose my fucking mind. I can’t... I can’t do it all.”
That was the first time he’d ever admitted that. To himself. To anyone else. That he couldn’t shoulder everything. That he didn’t even want to.
“I didn’t know, Eli,” Connor said, looking straight ahead. “I’ve had a hard time caring about anything other than myself. For the record, I mostly still don’t care about anything else, but...I’m damn sorry you felt that way.”
“It wasn’t ever just you,” Eli said. “But you know you’ve added to it.”
“Well,” Connor drawled. “I do what I can.”
“You make me feel like a dick for complaining since you’ve been through hell.”
“Yeah. Still in it most days,” he mumbled. “But I guess I don’t have to bring you with me.”
“Sometimes I think I brought myself on purpose.”
“Well, stop,” Connor said.
“What?”
“Stop. Being unhappy is stupid. If there’s any way you can fix it? Fix it. I can’t bring my wife back. I can’t...fix anything that happened. I can’t make my life better just by making a different choice.”
“I’m not sure I can, either,” Eli said.
“Does it have to do with Sadie?”
Eli breathed in deep. “Yeah.”
“She’s not dead, is she?”
“No,” Eli said, his voice rough.
“Then there’s still hope.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SADIE FINISHED PILING her personal belongings into the car. She was violating her lease agreement and she knew it. It sucked, but she just... She couldn’t stay. She didn’t know much about what would happen next, but she knew that much.
She sighed and put Toby’s cat carrier in the backseat, safely on the floorboards, before shutting the back door.
She heard a car driving up the driveway and swore copiously under her breath. She didn’t want to deal with a crestfallen Kate, a pissed-off Connor or...worse than them all, an Eli, in whatever form he chose to present.
But instead of a Garrett vehicle, it was a shiny black car making its way down the driveway.
“Lydia,” she grumbled, leaning against her car and looking down. Oh, well, the other woman could give her a send-off. Hell, she’d probably be thrilled to do it.
Lydia stopped her car and got out, a stack of brochures in her hand and a frown crossing her fine features. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“I’m heading out,” Sadie said. “It’s...kind of what I do. Don’t be alarmed.”
“Too late,” Lydia said. “I am. Eli didn’t tell you to—”
“Oh, no, he’s too much of a gentleman for that.” Not too much of one to break her heart and say she wasn’t important, but he’d never ask her to violate a lease agreement. That shit was legally binding.
“Does he know you’re leaving?” she asked.
“No, I didn’t tell him. Though it’s really more relevant to Connor since he’s the one who sort of headed up the lease thingy...”
“Oh, what a bunch of baloney,” Lydia said. “It is not more relevant to Connor than it is to Eli if you go. And I think you know it.”
She averted her eyes. “Do you know it?”
Lydia sighed. “I’m not stupid. Possibly a little bit...mmm...too hopeful? But yeah, not stupid. I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”
