“Yes.”

“That’s a surprise. You seemed so good at it the other night. You played the part so perfectly.”

“Yeah, maybe an off night or caught up in fucking with your boyfriend. I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“No, of course not. You being here for me tonight is enough. I won’t expect more,” she said, smoothing out her skirt, her eyes suddenly not meeting mine.

“Alright. I’ll do what I can to keep up your appearances.”

Her smile seemed a little forced, but she still waved for me to follow her. 

The rooms were already packed, the music blaring, sending a little thrill of adrenaline through me. I liked the mess and chaos of a party. I could get lost in the crowd and no one would care who I was or why I was there.

I could fight and rage and yell, but people were okay with it.

This wasn’t one of those times.

As soon as I walked in, Daisy moved closer, angling herself at my side like she belonged there. I guess for the night, she did. Besides the crew, I wasn’t used to someone at my side. My hands twitched at the thought that I would need to touch her. It hadn’t been bad, and I tried to remember that, but it also felt stupid to think it could give me that same feeling again.

The pain and disgust at being touched had become so normal and comforting to me. It felt wrong that it hadn’t happened when she touched me. And worst of all, in the panic of it all, I was starting to think about trying it again. If it was a fluke, a random night of being high, then I could try it again and stop worrying about it. 

Not if it was a fluke. I knew it had been, and now I was just driving myself crazy, thinking it wasn’t.

We sat down on an older couch, the room of people taking glances at us. I leaned over, whispering to her. “I feel like an animal in a zoo. They are staring.”

She laughed, her hand resting on my leg for a second before she realized what she was doing and pulled away. “With those tattoos and that face? Where else should they be looking?”

“I do not like attention,” I whispered, not missing the liquid heat that rolled through me as her scent hit me. I couldn’t place what it was, the mix of lavender and mint made a strange combination. I leaned in closer, her soft hair brushing against my nose. I wasn’t close enough to be touching her, but it was the closest I had willingly been to anyone in months, and it felt more intimate than I liked.

But I still didn’t move.

She sucked in a hard breath, angling her neck and giving me more access if I wanted it, but I didn’t take it.

As much as I didn’t touch or get touched, I watched people. Over the years, I had become just as fluent in the body language of people as someone with more experience. I always thought it helped me navigate not being touched and now was no different. I could see that Daisy was okay if I wanted to lean in further, and I thought it was strange that I liked her wanting it.

“You smell amazing,” I said.

“I’m glad you think so. I was pretty pleased with my body wash selection,” she said with a quiet laugh.

“You’re telling me your entire body smells like this?” I asked.

“I would think so.”

A feeling that I didn’t know rolled through me, making me need to sit back up and roll my shoulders to hide the shake of them. I couldn’t say anything, my throat tight and my body nearly shaking as I tried to calm whatever strange feeling was growing in the pit of my stomach.

It seemed like an hour went by as we sat there together before I leaned back in, not able to help myself from getting closer again. “These people are wild, and I don’t mean in the way I am. Are those two fighting over that guy?”

Her eyes followed mine until she saw the two girls yelling at each other. I couldn’t hear what all they were saying, but she seemed to know already. “Oh, yeah. They are constantly fighting over the same guy. Always a different guy, but they are fighting over one.”

“Is that what you do?”

“No. I’m more of a one guy kind of girl, and not a guy who would entertain another girl.”

“Ahh, but somehow Dean made the cut?” She was so close, and all I wanted to do was sit here, whispering to her all night. “Fuck, you really do smell amazing.”

It was the smell. It was getting to my head and drawing me in. It had nothing to do with her, just the scent.

“For someone who doesn’t want to touch me, you sure are getting close.”

“Sorry,” I said, pulling back hard. She was right. I always kept my distance, and here I was, leaning back into her.

“No, I didn’t say I had an issue with it.” The small smile reached her eyes, her amusement with this clear. I couldn’t imagine she knew what was wrong with me, but now I was questioning if she found out somehow.

We watched as a girl got up on the table in front of us and started dancing. Daisy watched her and sighed.

“Do you have a problem with her up there?” I asked.

“No.”

“Then why the huffing about it?”

“Because sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be able to do that, and not care what everyone else in the room is thinking. She doesn’t care if we are judging or enjoying it. She doesn’t care what we are thinking, she cares that she is having fun.”

“Oh, so you are jealous of her, then?”

Her eyes flew to me as though I said something terrible. 

“I am not jealous.”

“But you are? You want to be doing that and not caring what people think about it.”

She was quiet, her eyes not leaving mine. “Maybe.”

“Then go.”

“Go what?”

“Get up there and do exactly what you want to be doing.”

“What would people say about me doing that?”

“They will say, wow, look at her having fun. I better not say shit or her…boyfriend,” I said, smirking, “will kick my ass.” I pulled out a cigarette and rolled it through my fingers. I needed something, anything, to keep me from testing out touching her again.

“You think you can kick anyone’s ass and that gives you a free pass to do whatever you want?”

“I think if you’re scary enough, people will think twice about sharing their stupid thoughts out loud. Who cares what they think? Do their thoughts change your life?”

“They could.”