She smiled up at me again, and I tried to ignore the way I wanted to keep looking at her smile. Who cared about someone’s smile?
“I can’t imagine I am going to be welcome at another frat party. I’m sure Dean didn’t hesitate to bitch about me to anyone who would listen,” I said, clearing my throat and trying to put my focus back on the house.
She rolled her eyes hard, but she still had a smile. “Yeah, right. You are trouble and that’s what this place runs on. I’m sure anything Dean could say would only elevate your status with these guys.”
“True, and spending my entire night pissing a guy off while I get to hang around the girl he wants is what fantasies are made of. Think of how mad he is going to be.”
Her hand wrapped around my bicep, and I ripped it away. It didn’t matter if I didn’t have a problem with it last time, my instinct would always be to not be touched, and this was no different.
“Sorry,” she said, eyes wide. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. Sorry. I didn’t realize you were going to do that.”
I almost regretted it when I saw the shock on her face, but I didn’t feel bad for long when I knew the pain that I would feel with her hands on me could be worse.
“I thought we could stop for a second. Just kind of get on the same page before we walk in,” she said, but I was still lost to the thought of her hand on me, even for a second.
I liked when people were scared to bother me more. It was easier to hide your hate for being touched when people were too scared to touch you, but the way she had so easily reached out to hold on to me made me uneasy. I didn’t let people close enough to even think they could touch me, and that let me keep this entire problem a secret. I knew the weird way people acted when I told them the truth.
“About?”
“On if you can play the part well enough, because now I’m a little concerned. You know, kiss me here and there, touch me all night, stuff like that.”
“Touching you all night? Is that what I have to do?” I could hear the strain in my voice.
“I don’t know, Kye,” she said with a laugh. “How have you acted with previous girlfriends?”
I gave a harsh laugh and leaned back on the bench they had near the end of the walkway. People wandered past, but no one stopped to bother us. “If we go off of that, I probably wouldn’t be touching you.”
“What? Why? I assume you’re all over the girls you hang around.”
“The girls I hang around are my friends and are also dating my friends, so no, not hanging all over them.”
“I meant the ones you’re sleeping with.”
“Yeah, that’s who I meant when I said I probably wouldn’t be touching them all night. Listen, Daisy. I’m not…” I groaned, hating to admit anything about myself, especially to someone who would really not understand. “I’m not a very touchy person. Like at all. I’m just not good at it, or with it? I’m not mad about last weekend, but thinking about doing it again… I don’t want you to get all pissed, but I pretty much keep to myself. It might not cross my mind to do whatever it is you want. I really don’t think I can play the fake boyfriend like you are hoping I can.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“That’s a surprise. You seemed so good at it the other night. You played the part so perfectly.”
“Yeah, maybe an off night or caught up in fucking with your boyfriend. I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
“No, of course not. You being here for me tonight is enough. I won’t expect more,” she said, smoothing out her skirt, her eyes suddenly not meeting mine.
“Alright. I’ll do what I can to keep up your appearances.”
Her smile seemed a little forced, but she still waved for me to follow her.
The rooms were already packed, the music blaring, sending a little thrill of adrenaline through me. I liked the mess and chaos of a party. I could get lost in the crowd and no one would care who I was or why I was there.
I could fight and rage and yell, but people were okay with it.
This wasn’t one of those times.
As soon as I walked in, Daisy moved closer, angling herself at my side like she belonged there. I guess for the night, she did. Besides the crew, I wasn’t used to someone at my side. My hands twitched at the thought that I would need to touch her. It hadn’t been bad, and I tried to remember that, but it also felt stupid to think it could give me that same feeling again.
The pain and disgust at being touched had become so normal and comforting to me. It felt wrong that it hadn’t happened when she touched me. And worst of all, in the panic of it all, I was starting to think about trying it again. If it was a fluke, a random night of being high, then I could try it again and stop worrying about it.
Not if it was a fluke. I knew it had been, and now I was just driving myself crazy, thinking it wasn’t.
We sat down on an older couch, the room of people taking glances at us. I leaned over, whispering to her. “I feel like an animal in a zoo. They are staring.”
She laughed, her hand resting on my leg for a second before she realized what she was doing and pulled away. “With those tattoos and that face? Where else should they be looking?”
“I do not like attention,” I whispered, not missing the liquid heat that rolled through me as her scent hit me. I couldn’t place what it was, the mix of lavender and mint made a strange combination. I leaned in closer, her soft hair brushing against my nose. I wasn’t close enough to be touching her, but it was the closest I had willingly been to anyone in months, and it felt more intimate than I liked.
But I still didn’t move.
She sucked in a hard breath, angling her neck and giving me more access if I wanted it, but I didn’t take it.
As much as I didn’t touch or get touched, I watched people. Over the years, I had become just as fluent in the body language of people as someone with more experience. I always thought it helped me navigate not being touched and now was no different. I could see that Daisy was okay if I wanted to lean in further, and I thought it was strange that I liked her wanting it.
“You smell amazing,” I said.
“I’m glad you think so. I was pretty pleased with my body wash selection,” she said with a quiet laugh.
