Emotion hit me like a tidal wave. It was such a light comment, but it held so much weight.
Not at keeping her hidden.
The thought came out of nowhere, and I wanted to shove it away, but that little voice was telling the truth.
I couldn’t even keep her away from him, and now that she was older, she’d know what was happening if he came near her. She asked about her dad sometimes, but she knew he wasn’t a good person. I just didn’t want her to know how cruel he could really be.
“Mama?”
I blinked, coming back to the present. “I can try.”
Sometimes, like right now, I had to remind my fear that I was the one who held the reins. It wouldn’t get a hold of me today.
She smiled, offering the leather reins to me. My eyes moved to Callan, who was staring at me with…concern. He had to have seen my emotions displayed on my face. But he didn’t know what they were about.
I had to tell him soon. Otherwise, he’d find out some other way, and I wanted him to hear it from me.
Stepping forward, I grabbed them from Avery, then came around the side of the horse.
“Why don’t you go get your horse tacked up while I help your mom?” Callan said to Avery, and she took off back into the barn with a nod.
Callan came up behind me and I inhaled, measuring the height of the horse compared to my size. I could barely see over the saddle.
“Want to tell me what that was about?” Callan asked as my gaze moved to the stirrup.
I could lie and tell him everything was fine, but the idea felt sour on my tongue.
“There are some things that I need to tell you about, but now probably isn’t the time.”
He set a hand on my waist, then reached around me with the other to position the stirrup at an easier angle for me to slip my foot in. “Later, then.”
I lifted my leg, the height slightly awkward, but slipped the toe of my shoe in, then hoisted myself up. With Callan’s hands both on my waist now, he helped balance me as I swung my leg over and situated my opposite foot in the other stirrup.
He repositioned the stirrups to better suit me, then set a hand on my thigh as he looked up at me. “But we will be talking about it.”
I nodded. “I promise. I just— I don’t want to in front of Avery.”
His eyes softened, understanding written on his face. Before the shift of his features, I hadn’t realized just how worried he was. It was all over him, his concern out in the open for me like the pages of a flipped open book.
I wasn’t very good at hiding things, but I was learning it was especially difficult to keep things from him.
I didn’t even have to say anything for him to know something was wrong.
All of a sudden, it hit me that it was a trait I wished everyone held—the ability to tell if something was wrong just by looking at someone. So many people were blind to others suffering, but Callan spotted it like a shooting star in a midnight sky.
Maybe Callan could be my shooting star, making my wishes of safety come true.
27
Callan
After teaching Sage some of the basics of riding, we rode through the empty pasture. The cows were in a different field this time of year, and in a few months, we’d move them over here.
Avery was on one of the ponies I used in lessons, and though it was her first time on a horse other than Red, her confidence was still glowing. She wasn’t nervous like some people were when they got on a new horse. She just got on and did the damn thing.
Avery pulled Butterscotch to a stop and twisted to look at me and Sage behind her. “Can I pick flowers?”
I lifted a finger to my chest. “For me?”
Avery scrunched her nose. “Boys don’t like flowers.”
“I do,” I said. “A certain flower in particular.”
Out of the corner of my eye, Sage looked down at her leg with a slight pink tinge on her cheeks.
“I’ll find some pretty ones!” Avery said, hopping off the horse.
Sage was riding beside me, her legs and arms stiff with Red’s every step. Despite the tightness of her body, she seemed to be enjoying herself. With time, she’d feel more natural in the saddle. I’d take her out as often as she wanted.
I reached over to set a reassuring hand on her thigh, then pulled it away so I didn’t piss Ace off with being too close to Red. He liked his space.
She looked over to me. “You can relax,” I said.
“What if I fall?”
A small chuckle escaped me. “I won’t let you fall, baby.”
Her eyes clung to my mouth like the endearment was unexpected. “I don’t think you’d have time to catch me.”
