Just as my body is relaxing, something jolts from within my core, and it terrifies me because it’s so unexpected. Jun stops feeding, looking at me as if he’s waiting for something. I open my mouth to speak but I can’t, because the heat inside me returns, but the dial is set to a hundred. A blazing inferno. My body goes rigid, but Jun pulls me in and holds me tight in his embrace, grounding me—or us—through whatever is happening. All I can do is watch as my energy shifts, deliberately pulling Jun’s amethyst aura from his body. I can literally see the two colors converging and seeping into each other, like two shades of paint being mixed to create a new, brilliant hue.
When the colors are fused and one, the energy slowly shrinks down, pouring into us both like osmosis. It feels warm and liquidy as it seeps into me, and when it’s finally finished, there’s a heavy weight in my core. I still can’t move because it’s doing something. Adjusting? Like a bird settling into a new nest.
Eventually, the stiff weight lessens and my body goes lax, but Jun is still holding me in his embrace as I gasp—desperate to suck in air and swallow. His breathing is labored too, but he never lets me go. Not even for a second.
Forty-Eight
Junichi
It’s done. No more games.
I feel like an empty mug that’s been poured into—filled with something rich, warm and more satisfying than anything I could fathom. To describe it would only shortchange Jae and his essence. The complexity and goodness of what he’s given me.
But I also feel like a jackass, because I’ve been running away from this my entire life, and I even ran away from Jae for months. He’s been offering me—a dying man—restoration and fulfillment, genuine love and refuge from an otherwise toxic and painful existence. A life where I’ve starved myself on a regular basis and willingly depended on someone who abused me because I thought there was no better option. I turned Jae down, blinded by my own stubbornness, prejudices and assumptions.
Fucking stupid.
The weight of the bond between us dissolves, warmly distributing itself all throughout my body. It’s not heavy like an anchor. It was at first, but now it’s dispersed, and I feel it running all through me like liquid feathers. It’s incredible.
Jae lifts up from me and I loosen my hold on his body. I wanted this. I was ready for it. I know he was, too (somewhere inside, maybe deep down), because if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t have happened. But I’m preparing myself for a freak-out, because that’s his MO.
He’s staring down at my tie but not really looking at it. I slide my hands to his elbows and wait, watching him. He takes a deep breath. “Did I just…”
“Did we?” I correct. “Yes.”
There’s a long pause before he sits up a little straighter. Now I’m holding his wrists. He finally looks up at me. His eyes aren’t alighted anymore, but they’re still warm and celestial. Also, confused. “Are we bonded?”
“Yes.”
“I… I thought you needed to have sex to bond?”
I’ve actually given this situation a lot of thought, so I’m not very surprised by it. “Well, yes. That’s a requirement—along with other things between us that are more important. Plus, we had sex and fed from each other for months, Jae. You hadn’t fully awakened, but… It’s like we took advantage of the thirty-day free trial, and now it’s time to pay up?”
“Did you just compare our relationship to a marketing strategy?”
I look away to poorly conceal my amusement. “I did.” The moment he first woke up in Haruka and Nino’s house, I felt it. The pull toward him was way too strong, and he was so open and trustful, his energy was practically reaching out for me. I think if I had fed from him that day—bam. It would have happened. But maybe not? I don’t know. I wasn’t ready.
Jae looks off and toward the lake. It’s silent and moving with an invisible current. Peacefully reflecting the moon and the night sky.
“Are you upset about this?” He turns, looking at me. “You didn’t want this before.”
I slide my hands down into his, clasping our palms. “Do I seem upset? We share a connection now. Can you sense me?”
His face is calm as he looks me over, examining. After a moment, he nods. “I can. A little.”
“So?”
“You seem relieved and… horny?”
“Correct. I think your sense of me will grow stronger as you open yourself more. As you embrace and experiment with your energy?”
He nods in agreement, inhaling a deep breath but stifling a smile. Obviously, I can read him, too. And since I know what I’m doing, I can read him better. He’s delighted. Thrilled. But he doesn’t want to show it. He’s worried about reacting too strongly and letting himself get excited. To protect himself and me, in case I get turned off by it—like I did when he first awakened.
Jae’s energy radiates and speaks to me like an open book. He doesn’t seem to realize this, because he’s still trying to hide his real feelings from me. But that’s okay. We’ll get there. The hardest part is done.
“I came out here,” I say, “because vamps are starting to leave. We’re wrapping things up.”
“That’s odd. I would assume that vampires would party all night?”
“Vampires day-walk and have jobs. Shall we go inside and get ready to go back to the house?”
“Okay…” Jae pauses a moment, squeezing my hands. “Will they know? About this?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“Because our energies have changed. When we arrived, we had two distinct energies presenting from our individual bodies. But now we share the same one.”
Jae reaches up, scratching the back of his head. “This is awkward.”
“Slightly.”
“Will they think we were having sex out here?”
I shrug. “Probably.”
“Ah, bloody hell—”
