“Everything,” he says, his eyes slowly burning out and returning to normal. “This change and becoming a vampire… or awakening, rather. Feeling out of place. Not knowing where I belong.”
I’m listening and lazily sliding my fingers up and down his lower spine underneath the water. I have something to say about this, but the timing isn’t right, so I just wait and let him go on.
“Haruka said he knows of someone in Osaka,” Jae continues. “A therapist. I’d like to talk with them, if possible.”
“Does this mean you want to come back to Japan?”
He sits a little straighter, resting his hands against my chest. “Well, your work is there—”
“My work can be anywhere. If you wanted to stay in Europe, that wouldn’t be a problem for me. I have lots of clients here, too, and materials can easily be shipped.”
“Right.” Jae inhales, thinking. “But the hospital and my work are in Japan, and it would be better if I was onsite to oversee the surrogacy program, and my patients. Remote is going alright, but my supervisor definitely doesn’t prefer this arrangement.”
I exhale a sigh of relief. Japan is the best choice. If Jae wanted to stay in England, I already had some strategies planned out in my mind about how to make that work. We would have been fine, maybe. Truthfully? Jae needs more than me. After being with him for a few days and witnessing how this awakening has impacted him, I’m concerned. I think our bonding is definitely a step in the right direction, but it’s not enough.
I hadn’t anticipated how deeply traumatized he would be from all this, which was shortsighted of me. His entire life has been turned upside down. Separating from him did not help, but I can at least fix that part. That’s a small piece of the bigger picture that I can manage.
“Is that alright?” he asks. “Me going back with you?”
Lifting, I kiss his chin and smile. “Of course. I like the house in Bristol though. Can we keep it? Maybe vacation there occasionally? Or if our schedules match up, you can join me when I come to Europe for work.”
“I’d like that.”
My hands are resting against his hips as I tilt my head. “You’re not glowing anymore?”
He chuckles, tracing the contours of my stomach with his fingertips. “I don’t know exactly, but… if I let it burn out like I did earlier, it’s more manageable for a while afterward. It feels like it’s sleeping now. Like a kid that’s worn itself out after having a playdate.”
I laugh at the imagery of that scenario—Jae’s child-like indigo aura curled up inside him and napping because I wore it out.
“Can I release it for you?” I ask.
“What will it feel like?”
Bringing one hand up from the water, I rub the back of my neck, thinking. “I’m obviously not purebred, so I don’t know for sure. I can’t experience it, but I can do it for you. I hear it’s one of the best things about being purebred—better than sex.”
Jae is looking down at my stomach, still tracing. Silent.
“I don’t have to if you aren’t ready. We have lots of time.”
“No,” he says, looking up at me. “I’d like to try it. What should I do?”
“Let’s look at this as an exercise in listening to your body and nature. Just relax and trust in it.”
Forty-Nine
Jae
Junichi sits up straighter underneath me, sliding his palms up my back to hold me against his chest and lifting his face toward the concave of my neck. I raise my hands from the water and embrace him, curling my fingers at the top of his spine. I’m nervous about him kicking the beehive when the bees have all finally fallen asleep. But if he says this will be a good thing, then I believe him.
He licks me just underneath my jawline—a long, flat stroke—then licks my neck and underneath my ear, tasting me before he bites. When Jun sinks his teeth in, he moans, and that sound and his hardness underneath me kickstart the fire inside. The heat of it is already pulsing up the length of my spine.
My eyes alight and I take a breath. For the first time, I can distinctly perceive Jun’s mind and what he’s doing to me. He’s telling me I’m safe and that he loves me—I’m perfect just the way I am, and he’ll never leave me. I never have to be alone again. The thoughts are so pristine in my mind that I can feel them. It makes me shudder in his arms, and my eyes water because my heart is overwhelmed.
Everything he’s conveying and these warm, soft whispers swarming within me are what I need right now. I don’t have the space to be embarrassed about this, because it feels too good to be denied. I don’t want to shortchange it with doubts or insecurities.
He feeds and my breath catches. I hold on to him tighter, because he’s pulling at something inside me and it feels as if I might be flipped inside out. It’s scary because it’s an unknown. I don’t know what to expect. But there’s too much goodness accompanying it to truly deny whatever is happening. He pulls again and I tense and groan, my eyes wide as I hold on to him. I think… I should let him take what he’s pulling. My body is telling me to say yes. To submit to everything he’s giving me.
When Junichi pulls the third time, he squeezes me even tighter against his hard frame in the water and I’m spent. I stop resisting. The fire inside me shoots up my spine, to my brain and groin and everywhere and anywhere it can go. I physically come against Jun’s stomach, but it’s so much more than that. It’s like a weight has been lifted from me, or my very soul has been set free and I’m unburdened. It leaves me gasping and shaking, and the glow of my energy is purplish blue and all around us like a glittery haze.
My body is tense and caught up in a kind of glorious rapture for a long moment with everything in me pulsing outward. Slowly, the indigo haze dissipates and fizzles out. The tension releases, and I slump in Jun’s arms, my arms going limp as he holds me tight. I breathe out, utterly euphoric. “God…”
“It’s just Jun.”
I’m in a daze. I feel as light as a feather, but I laugh, lifting my hands to cradle his head once more. When he lifts his chin to me, I kiss him with everything I have. With my whole heart. I haven’t kissed Jun like this since I was human, but I remember how to do it and what it feels like. Shameless. Confident and uninhibited. Blissful.
When he finally pulls his head away from me, he’s grinning. “That good, huh? I know I’ve done something well when you kiss me that way.”
My lids are heavy as I look at him, and I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I just can’t stop myself. “I think you should stretch me…” I lean in to kiss him again, but he pulls away.
“How about you stretch me?”
That makes me sober a little. “Pardon?”
He slides his hands down my hips and along my thighs. “Make love to me.”
In another unexpected turn, I laugh. “Why?”
“Why not?”
