“Because… that’s not what we do. It’ll be awkward. I’m not a brilliant lead in bed like you are.”
Jun chuckles, his black eyes shining in the warm, sparkling lights surrounding us. “Thank you for that. But I think you’re an incredible lead, Jae.”
Silence. I’m staring at him because I genuinely don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. “What?”
“When you let me have you, you set the pace, sunshine—not me. We both lead, but in different ways, and we listen to each other. I might make the house look aesthetically pleasing, but you’re the foundation and you’re amazing. Every single time.”
Shaking my head, I stifle a laugh. We lead together and I set the pace? That’s a paradigm shift that I’m not quite in the proper headspace for. I’ll have to give it more thought later when I’m not sitting on top of this wolf, distracted and sincerely hoping we can stop talking so he can be inside me already.
In my silence, Jun whispers, “I want to do everything with you. And this is something I haven’t tried in over a hundred years of lovemaking.”
“Not ever?”
“Nope. Could you give me that tonight? Our first night bonded together…” He kisses the corner of my mouth, then my cheek and down to my jawline.
Junichi is the designer. The one with the catalog of positions and seductive little moves. He’s the wolf. I am not, but… I love him. And I want to make him feel good like he’s just done for me. So, alright. I got this. Goggles on.
I lift my head from the barrage of kisses he’s planting on my neck and face, then take hold of his chin. “Bedroom?”
He smiles. “Yes.”
I’m sitting on the bed, naked but dried from the bath and watching Jun (also deliciously naked) as he pulls a bottle of lube from his suitcase. When he turns and swaggers toward me, I scoff. “Seems a little presumptuous of you to have packed lube. And did this lube come all the way from Japan, or did you buy it in England? Is this bi-continental lube?”
He drops it beside me and plops down in a huff. He doesn’t answer me, but shifts, bringing his legs up so that he’s lying on his back behind me with his knees drawn up.
“Well?” I prompt.
His chest rises before he puffs out another deep breath. “You say presumptuous, I say optimistic. Like dressing for success.” He adjusts his spine, resting his hands at his sides as he stares up at the exposed beams overhead.
I chuckle, shifting and eventually resting on my knees in between his gaped thighs. I place my hands on his shins, smirking. “Maybe I’m presumptuous for assuming the lube was meant for me.”
“It’s a safe assumption, considering I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for five months straight and explicitly came here with the intention of mating with you.” He inhales again, then blows out another breath. “There isn’t anyone else, sunshine. Only you.”
My face warms and blushes as I listen, but the fact that he is very tense is slowly dawning on me. Physically, he’s constantly adjusting and fidgeting. It’s subtle, but more apparent in conjunction with all these deep breaths he keeps taking. I slide my palms up to rest against his knees. “Jun… are you nervous?”
Another deep inhale. “I’m not not nervous.”
Sensing this is quite a bit more difficult for him than maybe he first anticipated, I scoot back a little so that I can sit and fold my legs. “Talk to me,” I say. He lifts, using his palms to push himself upright until his back is resting against the dark, smooth and opulently carved headboard.
I know that Ren has treated Jun badly because he’s told me about it in some detail—exerting his purebred power over him, manipulating him and dumping his emotions into Junichi when he feeds. Treating him like a place to rid himself of all of his toxic, possessive emotions.
Jun is here now and mated with me… but those kinds of scars run deep. I understand both professionally and personally that there’s no simple fix for those wounds.
Jun runs his hand into the top of his thick curls. “I know… that I have trust issues. The majority of my existence has been spent under the direct supervision and manipulation of someone else. I’ve only been free for about fifty years… free from my father. Not from Ren, but he was easier to ignore since we never bonded, and I became the one responsible for the contract between us once my father died.”
I’m listening, but a question I’ve been wondering about pops into my head. I have learned a lot about vampire culture and politics from Haruka and his extensive library, but there are some nuanced things I still don’t understand. “May I ask a question?”
“Of course.”
“You spent more than a hundred years with Ren and didn’t bond with him. How was this okay with his parents and yours?” I was about to add “I’m no vampire, but that seems like a very long time.” But that doesn’t quite work, does it?
“Most arranged couples enter their contracts very young—with Ren, we were both sixteen, which was when our skin developmentally hardened and we could start feeding from each other. But the widely accepted maturation process for a vampire is a century. No one is taken seriously or considered a true adult until they reach one hundred. When Ren and I came of age at twenty-one, we were told to genuinely start attempting to bond. But no one expected us to be bonded that early. Some couples do bond right away, but most don’t. We have lots of time, so there’s no rush.”
“Wait.” I blink, processing. “Your father told you when to start having sex?”
“Yes.”
“Yikes.” I cringe. Christ. God.
“He told me with whom and when, and sometimes, early on, Ren and I were watched to make sure we were sincerely trying and doing it correctly.” Junichi breathes. “That’s how the arrangement worked. So when I was finally free, I only wanted to do things my way—and I’ve been refusing to compromise. But…” He rolls his shoulders, contemplating in the silence. I take his pause as a moment to interject.
“We never have to do anything you don’t want, Jun. I honestly don’t mind—”
“But I do,” he says. “I don’t want to be hindered by any of this anymore. I don’t want it to affect me—or us and what we have—because I know that what we have is good and nothing like the shit I’ve dealt with. I’m sick of carrying it around. Can you understand?” He rubs his palms against his face, sighing.
Twice tonight I’ve seen these very vulnerable sides of Jun. He always seems so calm and assured. Confident and unshaken. But he’s sitting here naked and baring his soul to me.
Leaning forward, I wrap my fingers around his ankles. His legs are still drawn up with his knees bent. “I understand. And we can take our time… Should we just go to bed?”
Jun chuckles. “I guess suddenly having deep introspection about my father isn’t exactly a turn-on.”
I dip my head and kiss his kneecap. “You talking to me like this is always a turn-on.”
He raises his head, a glint in his inky eyes. “Can we take our time but not sleep?”
“Meaning?”
