Her grip had shifted too. Her hands weren’t in his hair anymore. They were holding onto the back of his neck as if he were an anchor in a stormy sea.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“But—”
“No.” He stepped back so he could see her. His heart nearly broke when he saw the tears in her eyes. “No ‘buts.’ However you want, for however long you want, right? If we’ve reached the end of ‘however long’ tonight, that’s your call.”
“You’re—I—I made you—” She looked down, where his pajama pants were doing fuck-all to hide his raging hard-on. “I should help you—”
“Jo, oh my God, stop. Please.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “Of course I was turned on by the way you touched me. That doesn’t mean you owe me more than you want to give. I’m an old man, remember?” He offered her a small smile, trying to diffuse whatever the hell they had walked into. “I’ve been here before, and I can handle myself.”
A sudden snort of laughter burst out of her. “I bet you can.”
He chuckled and shifted to hold her shoulders. “That’s not how I meant it, but I could do that, if need be. Three showers in one day, why not?”
Jo closed her eyes. She slid her hands to his chest, her fingers dancing over his muscles. “Please don’t think this means I don’t want you, Felix. I just—”
“You don’t have to—”
“Wait, I need to say this.”
Instantly cowed, he said, “I’m sorry. Please continue.”
Eyes still closed, she furrowed her brow and said, “I haven’t been with anyone since my ex. It’s strange to be intimate with someone again. Someone new. I… I need a little more time.” She opened her eyes. “Is that okay?”
Oh, God. She has to ask?
“Yes, Jo. Of course, it’s okay. Don’t rush yourself. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”
She tapped her index finger, its nail painted Indi-Con green, against his chest. She was looking at it rather than him. “Felix?”
“Hmm?”
“Will you kiss me again? Without all the buildup. Just kiss me?”
He took her chin between his thumb and his knuckle and gently tilted her head back. He paused for a second or two, letting some anticipation build. That was half the fun of kissing, after all; the breaths right before it, the moments of knowing it was about to happen.
Felix kissed Jo. Tenderly, sweetly, earnestly. Jo kissed him back. Warmly, solidly, affectionately.
After, he touched his forehead to hers, and they breathed together. His body was calmer now. The discomfort was waning, his blood flow returning to status quo.
“It might be best to sleep in separate beds tonight,” he said.
“I think you’re right,” she replied. “And on that note, I should get ready for bed. Tomorrow’s a long day.”
“Oh, right,” Felix said. “There’s a gaming convention or some such across the street.”
“That is why we’re here,” she chuckled.
“I thought this was all some nefarious plan to get me into a hotel room with you,” he teased. “Tell it to me straight, Jo. Did you sabotage my booking?”
She gasped in mock outrage and shoved lightly at his chest. “I’m no rogue!”
“No, you’re…” he thought for a moment, recalling what he knew about the different MnM archetypes. “I bet you’re a cleric, aren’t you? A healer, of course, and you’re always looking out for people, offering support and going above and beyond in that support.”
Jo blinked at him behind her glasses. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“Hot damn!” He pumped his fist into the air. “I’m learning.”
In the morning, Jo’s alarm went off before Felix’s. She quickly silenced it. He stirred in the bed next to hers but didn’t wake up. Jo watched him as he slept. He lay on his side, facing her, fuzzy to her naked eyes. Both arms were wrapped around one end of his pillow, which he held lengthwise against his chest as his head rested on the other end. His lips were parted, and disheveled locks of hair flopped over his forehead. Since he hadn’t shaved the day before, his beard was the longest she’d ever seen it.
She felt like sighing a contented sigh, so she did. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone made her feel the way Felix did. Maybe no one ever had. Being in his arms had felt so different from what she was used to that it had overwhelmed her, made her hesitate. Part of her couldn’t quite believe that she hadn’t fucked everything up. That he’d stopped at her slightest hint of uncertainty. That he hadn’t said, “At least get me off first, baby.”
Stealthily, Jo got up, grabbed her clothes and toiletries, and took them into the bathroom. In the shower, she let her mind wander over everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. By the time she was toweled off and in her underwear, she’d made a decision. She hadn’t brought her phone in with her, and her hands itched to text Aida and get confirmation that this was the right next step. But she didn’t actually need to. Aida had already confirmed it, with an unbreakable pinky promise.
Whatever choice you make, I promise I trust you to make the right one. For you.
“For me,” Jo whispered into the mirror and finished getting dressed.
She heard Felix’s alarm go off, followed by the thump of heavy footsteps. Jo called that she’d be right out and received a grunt in response. Steam poured out of the bathroom as she emerged. A drowsy, tousled, downright adorable Felix blinked at her.
“Morning,” she said.
He grunted again as he dug through his duffel bag.
