My chest cracked open as I turned to face her. Tears streaked her face and her skin turned red and blotchy as she panicked. Brody stared at me with so much uncertainty in his eyes. I was positive I’d never seen him so unsure before. Since I met him in kindergarten, he radiated confidence every day, but her revelation left him shaken and uncertain. “My god, Hannah.” I shook my head as I stalked back toward her. Fear and anxiety overcame her, causing her to shrink down into herself. Of us. Of what we would do or say in response to her honesty.
“Knox.” Brody’s hesitation rocked me as I neared them again, but I didn’t stop. I grabbed Hannah in my arms and held her to my chest so tight I was probably cutting off her air, but she squeezed me back just as tight, sobbing harder now that I was comforting her.
“You can’t turn it off.” I told her, smoothing my hand over the back of her head and Brody slid behind her, holding us all together as chaos still swirled. “And I never want you to. I never want you to hide your heart from us, baby.”
“Never again.” Brody agreed, and I was glad he did, because I would physically beat him into it if I had to. “Do you remember the night Knox came out to you as bi?” He asked, kissing the back of her head and showing his gentle side that only we saw. “The night you held him all night long, afraid that you would no longer be enough for him.”
She shuddered as she took a deep breath and said something too muffled to be understood.
“Try again.” I said, pulling her face back enough to speak freely of my shirt.
“I was so scared you’d leave me. Or stay with me out of obligation.” She admitted and then buried her face back into my chest.
“And instead, what did I do?”
“Fucked your best friend.” She murmured, and I heard the tiniest bit of a smile in her still muffled voice and Brody snorted.
“She’s not wrong.” He winked at me.
“Kept open lines of communication with you as I explored my sexuality.” I corrected her. “With you by my side.”
She shook her head, negating that idea. “I don’t want to explore. I don’t want to do anything ever again to feel like this.
“Hannah.” Brody warned. “Your sexuality can change as you get older. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“And if I said I was full lesbian and never wanted to see your penis ever again?” She scoffed.
“Hit me in the nuts next time, babe. I think it will hurt less.” He deadpanned and then picked her up, pulling her out of my hold to sit down on the bench before nodding for me to join them. Which was no problem, because I needed to be close to them both right now, too.
“I’m afraid you’re going to hate me.” She admitted. “And I never want that to happen. Just because I’m attracted to females doesn’t mean I ever have to act on it.”
“Just take a deep breath and hold on. You’re putting the cart before the horse.” I reminded her, wiping my thumbs under her eyes to clear the last of the tears. “Let’s start with when you first noticed something was up.”
She groaned and laid her head on Brody’s chest, soaking up his gentle affection, because he usually wasn’t one to cuddle. “I don’t know, a few months ago I noticed I was seeing other women more often. And not just the normal way, like their outfits or styles, but them.” She took a deep breath, “Their bodies and builds.”
“And why didn’t you say anything?” Brody probed.
“Because I didn’t know it had to do with my sexuality.” She cried, sitting up. “I thought I was just more observant or something. I don’t know.”
“What changed?” I asked, pretty sure I already knew the answer to the question.
She bit her bottom lip and dropped my gaze, avoiding the topic.
“You can’t hide things from us, Hannah, because then you make us insecure and fear that you’re going to leave us.” Brody told her, doing a pretty good job of expressing the fear in my chest as she avoided the question. “That you don’t want us anymore.”
“I’ve never cheated.” She said firmly, reassuring him. “I’ve never touched anyone else.” She looked at me. “Not in my life.”
I confirmed what she needed me to. “I believe you.” When we were fresh out of high school and wrapped up in this weird love triangle between the three of us, she was a virgin and gave herself to us first. On the same night, so it would be ‘fair’. Since then, we all had only been with each other. And knowing no other man had ever touched her, calmed something inside of me. But if I was being honest, the idea of another woman touching our sweet, loving Hannah didn’t appall me either.
“Then what changed?”
“I met Lex.” She confessed, “And from the first second of being in the same room as her, I felt tension building.”
“Is she a lesbian?” Brody asked, having not met Lex.
“Yes. She didn’t say anything about it until tonight, when we were talking about my relationship with you two. But it’s not something you can miss with her. She just has—” She hesitated, trying to find the words.
“Big dick energy.” I stated, for the third time, because there was no other way to describe the air about Lex. “Some lesbians have that alpha dog mentality, though, they’re usually the masculine ones.”
“And Lex isn’t?” Brody raised his brow at me, but I let Hannah answer.
“No.” She shrugged, “I mean, there are things about her that give off masculine vibes, but I think that’s more in her personality. No, she’s feminine. Really, really feminine.” Her eyes got this faraway look in them as she talked about the tattoo artist and I watched her closely, trying to figure out what she was feeling exactly.
“So you were attracted to her, but unsure why,” Brody expertly kept the conversation going.
“It was more than just an attraction.” She said, and then deflated. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it makes me feel guilty. Like I cheated.”
“That’s how I felt when I first started feeling things for Brody.” I reminded her. “Like it wasn’t fair to you, but that wasn’t true at all. I realized after a while that growing feelings for him didn’t detract from the feelings I had for you, not at all.”
“She’s not our best friend, though!” Hannah cried, “She’s a stranger and on the outside of this relationship. Your feelings for Brody didn’t threaten me because I loved him too.” She looked at the man holding her. “I understood why you were in love with him, and to me, it wasn’t intimidating.”
“And you think your feelings for Lex or any other female will threaten us?” Brody scoffed, like it was absurd.
“You didn’t see Knox at T’s.” She shook her head, “He was feral.”
