“No.”
I find the golf club among the piled-up chunks of plasterboard and pick it up, clumsily, wiping it off with my hand. It’s heavy. My shoulder burns.
He lurches down the stairwell. I’ve hurt him. The pain where he had to hack off several of the fingers on one hand to save himself burns like phosphorus.
“Kyle,” Farah says. “You know I’m right.”
She takes my arm and pulls me to her and kisses me. I’m aware of Chiu sitting quietly nearby, feeling awkward in spite of everything.
Farah holds my face close to hers and speaks seriously. “Listen to me. I think you’re pretty cool, Kyle, OK? You picked up on that, right? I think … even in the other world I’d think you were pretty cool. So you can’t make me lie here and watch him kill you.”
“I’m not scared,” I say.
“You ought to be scared,” Farah says. “He’s a scary man.”
“I choose not to be scared,” I say.
Farah laughs, kisses me again. “What bloody idiot told you that?”
Tears pour down her face. I try to pull away but she doesn’t let go. “This is the brave move,” she says, gritting her teeth in pain and frustration. “Get away and come back tonight.”
I know she’s right. It’s our best chance. But I don’t want to. “You didn’t want to use the machine,” I say, trying to keep the challenge from my voice. “If I come back and kill him for you, will you go back and let the doctors treat you?”
Farah smiles. “Look, you win, OK? This ankle really hurts and I’m warming to the idea of going back to a world where they have painkillers.”
A flood of half-formed images flash through my mind, a high-speed flickering daydream of me and Farah back in the ordinary world, studying, getting our A-levels, moving to London…
Except…
“You’ll forget me,” I say.
She shakes her head. “But you’ll remember. That’s what Benedict said. There’s a chance, anyway.”
“Benedict said ‘impressions’ … ‘glimpses’.”
“Well, you’re going to have to do better than that,” Farah says. “And then you’re going to have to come and find me, OK? And then you’re going to have to ask me out.”
The idea of it sounds so ridiculous. Farah, back in the ordinary world, with no memory of me or any of this. And me, walking up to her, the awkward kid who she last saw throwing up in maths class, and asking her out?
“I think I’d rather fight Jonah,” I say.
Farah laughs through her tears. “You’re just going to have to be brave, aren’t you?” She swallows. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll do it.”
I nod. Serious now.
“I’m going to be awful to you. But you’ll try anyway, right?”
“Of course I will. I’ll remember and I’ll ask you out.” The thought hardens inside me. “And I’ll keep asking you out until you’re sick of it and you say yes just to shut me up.”
A smile spreads across her face. “That’ll do.”
I turn to Chiu who nods solemnly and stands up, ready. I kiss Farah again and then I’m leaving, I’m really leaving. My brain twists and strains against the idea but I know it’s the only way. Leave now, come back tonight.
Jonah is at the bottom of the stairs.
I don’t have much time. But if I go back out through the sleep lab and the airlock, I’ll avoid him. I grab the golf club and Chiu and I head past the crumbled remains of Levi and out into the lab. I catch a glimpse of the sad little beds where, in the ordinary world, Benedict and Abi are the only survivors of their sleep study, then I turn and—
Jonah is there.
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Boo,” he says.
I can’t breathe. I felt him. I knew he was coming back along the other corridor, past the MRI room. He can’t be here.
“How did you—?”
Jonah taps his temple. “Same way you got the better of me when you murdered poor old Tongue,” he says. He tuts softly. “Did you think you’re the only one who’s got some tricks, Kyle?”
I hold the golf club out in front of me, fighting hard to keep it steady even though I’m shaking all over. Jonah’s face is red and shining with sweat. I’ve hurt him, I can see that much. Hurt him and come pretty close to killing him. Goddamn, why couldn’t I have finished the job? If anyone deserves to die it’s him, I think. Not Tongue, not the old lady in the park, not Marcus, or Vikram, not even Levi or Kevin. It’s him.
Jonah steps forward and spots what remains of Levi slumped in the corner. “You ungrateful sod,” he growls. “I should’ve killed you the first time I met you.”
“Why didn’t you?” I say.
Jonah gives me a cunning look. “I thought I’d take you under my wing, didn’t I?”
That’s not the whole truth. What does he want from me?
Farah is trying to haul herself to her feet. Chiu is backing away, rigid with fear. Jonah advances another step and I can’t help it, I take a step back.
