"So relax," Callah repeated, nodding to show she was listening.

I heard every word, but I couldn't do the same. I couldn't simply pretend like breathing slowly and remembering happy thoughts would change my life. No, there had to be a way to fix this.

"What if you're not there?" I asked, desperately seeking some way out of this.

"There's nowhere else to be, Ayla," Meri told me. "We have a family suite now. I sleep in the same room as him. I have a kitchen where I can prepare meals for him. That's it! Unless I lock myself in the toilet room, but he'd just break down the door."

"Men have needs," Callah said, sounding as disgusted by it as I felt.

"And it is our job to serve those needs," Meri agreed. "But it does get better. Today hurt less than the first time."

I pressed both hands over my mouth, my eyes hanging on her. "I don't know if I should hope you get pregnant soon or dread the day that happens," I admitted. "I just wish there was something I could do to help."

"There's nothing to do," she explained. "This is the lot of a wife. I shall bear him heirs and replenish the Lord's people." She paused, pressing her lips together. "And I heard some men still want to do it when his wife is pregnant."

"No," Callah said, slashing a hand through the air. "That's too much."

"I know!" Meri agreed. "I told Gideon I would not be one of those women. He hit me for it."

"Just agree with him," I told her. "Be meek, Meri. Be gentle and subservient and even silent if you have to."

Slowly, Meri licked her lips. "No, I think I will be me. Ayla, I have nothing else to lose. I mean, I know how lucky I am. My husband is at least young and attractive. He cares about me - "

"That's not caring!" Callah snapped.

Meri shot her a look of warning. "And unless you want the entire dining hall to wonder what we're talking about, keep your voice down."

"But it's going to happen to us too!" Callah insisted.

"To all women," I reminded her. "This is our lot, Callah. There's no other option."

Meri simply reached over to rub my shoulder. "No, there isn't. I just wanted to make sure both of you knew what to expect before you accept a proposal."

"Maybe an old man would be better?" Callah suggested. "I mean, if he's frail enough, then at least he wouldn't be able to hit as hard, Ayla."

"And he might die sooner," I added.

That made both of my friends look at me in shock. Clearly, neither of them had thought about it before, but I couldn't think of anything else. A little piece of me had hoped Meri's marriage might be one of those stories like I'd read in my library. One filled with kindness and romance. Instead, she was sitting beside me wearing bruises as proof of her place.

"It's not like the stories," I said softly.

Meri just shook her head. "It's nothing like the stories. Copulation is disgusting!"

"How so?" Callah asked.

"It just is," Meri insisted.

"It's okay," I told her. "We're not going to tell anyone if you say too much."

"And it's the only way we'll know," Callah pointed out.

So Meri leaned closer and dropped her voice as much as she could. "He wants me to touch his thing."

"Penis?" I asked.

She jiggled her head in an embarrassed nod. "And to pump it. He says he likes how it feels. And once, he wanted me to lick it!"

"But that's where he pees!" Callah gasped.

"I know!" Meri agreed. "But if I say no, he'll just hit me and tell me to do it again. So, I..." She quickly glanced between the pair of us, her face heating up. "He had me put it in my mouth. When he finished, it... spurts."

"Spurts what?" Callah asked.

"The seed," I answered, knowing this part.

"And when he's between my legs, it spurts down there," Meri went on. "The seed feels like our monthly flow, but it's white. It just comes out and gets on my legs, but he doesn't like me to get out of bed when he's done. He wants me to tell him how good it was."

"His penis?" Callah asked.

"The act!" Meri hissed. "I'm supposed to praise him for being good at putting his penis inside me and bucking until he spills his seed!"

"So lie," I told her.

"But that's a sin," she reminded me. "Ayla, I don't know what to do. So far, I've told him he must be amazing because he's my husband. I told him I'm sure he will impregnate me quickly. With as many times a day as he wants to fornicate, he must, right? But I don't want to sin and have him report me to the Elders!"

"So tell him he's the best you can imagine," I said. "it's true, since you will only be with him. Tell him he's your best lover. He's also your only one. If you can't lie, then tell the truth he wants to hear. Maybe he'll stop hitting you."

"No," she said, sounding dejected. "He doesn't always hit me for sex. Sometimes it's to train me."

"Spare the rod and spoil the wife," I grumbled, having heard that phrase from far too many wives.

Meri nodded. "I need to learn my place. Gideon expects me to worship him just under God. He is my husband, the holder of my life and controller of my future. I know this is what the Bible says we women should expect, but I'd hoped..."

"For something more like Ayla's stories," Callah finished for her. "Yeah, me too."

"But those stories are all fantasies," I reminded them.

"I still don't know what a fantasy is," Meri admitted.

"A lie," I told her as I finally figured it out myself. "One big, fat lie that is like a daydream. A lie you wish could be true but isn't. That doesn't make it true or real, though."

"No," she agreed. "It doesn't. Just..." She sighed. "I don't know. I just hoped telling you the truth might help you two pick your own husbands when the time comes."

"It will," I assured her, but across from me Callah's eyes got big and the girl sat up straight.

That was the only warning either of us got before a hand landed in Meri's hair and pulled.

"My wife should be at home," Gideon growled, making it clear we'd been caught.