"Then I'll memorize a few," I assured her.
And with that, the three of us split up as if we'd merely been comparing assignments. There was nothing to see here. Our companionship was calm, cordial, and barely there. Merely three girls who had to share a space, nothing more.
Because for the Righteous, friendship was something that could be used against us. Women were meant to attend to the needs of men. We shouldn't have time to dally and gossip. And the closer to twenty we got, the more it seemed everyone paid attention to what we did.
FourAyla
The further I walked up the hall, the darker it got. Unused sections of the compound weren't lit, after all. No, those bulbs had been scavenged for the rooms we still needed. Lucky for me, I knew more about the compound than half the elders. I could navigate this part without needing to see a thing.
Maybe if they'd been brave as boys, they would've found the library too, but none of them seemed to care. They were boys, after all, and boys were allowed to have fun. Not us girls. We certainly weren't supposed to question the rules - but I couldn't help myself.
Going by feel, I headed to the darkest part of the alcove. Back here, I had to count my steps to know where I was because I had nothing more than the walls to direct me. Once, this had been a door, but someone had blocked it off long ago. For as long as I could remember, this hall had been a dead end - mostly. Listening carefully, I pulled off my soft slippers and tucked them into my belt. Then, after hiking up my skirt, I grabbed the rock wall. Holding my breath, I couldn't hear a single thing - so I started climbing.
Up the wall, across the rough spot over the door, then higher still. I could barely see in this darkness - only a hint of light reached this deep into the compound - but I knew where the hole was. It was just a narrow thing, most likely built for ventilation, but it was enough. My hand found the edge, my feet pushed me higher, and I was able to slip through. The hard part was making my way down. The gap was too narrow for me to turn, but there were good handholds on the other side.
I pulled myself out of the narrow gap, reaching as far as I could with my foot, and began my descent. On this side, it was even darker. An emergency light glowed over crate upon crate of books. Long ago, there had been another light in here, shaped like a running person. The red light from it was how I'd initially found this place, but the strange bulb had burned out a few years ago, leaving only one last faint light.
The soft illumination of the room was almost blue, just like the authors had described moonlight. Not that I'd ever seen moonlight - or sunlight for that matter. It was hard to imagine yellow light, though, especially with the descriptions of green trees. Or maybe they were really blue trees, but the yellow light made them look green? I'd never know. No one went topside except hunters. It simply wasn't worth the risk.
It took a bit to get down to the floor. All around me were boxes and shelves filled with books. Hundreds of them, maybe more. In all this space, there was only one open counter. There, I found the book I'd left out the last time I was here. It was a slim thing, written by a man brazen enough to call himself Sun, which described ancient battle strategies. The Art of War, or so it was named. Not that I would've expected much art in killing people, but the world had once been a very angry place. That was how the Devil had been able to get a foothold.
In this book, the words were lyrical and deep. They made me think, not just accept. Every line could be taken as more than merely tips on combat, but also on life. "Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance." Was that not what men expected from me?
Turning away from God was why we were locked belowground. God had originally made us in His image and placed us in Eden, but the sins of women had cast us out. God had still tried to be merciful, allowing us lives on the Earth above, but the sins of men had ruined that. Now we had only the compound, a thousand-acre facility located under the mountains, to protect us from the dangers the Devil had released. Wild men, Dragons, monstrous beasts, and even the oceans had all risen up to cast us down. Until we could prove our worth to the Lord, we were banished to live in the darkness underground.
The history books we studied in our classes said we'd been living like this for over six hundred years. The strongest and bravest men went out to bring back food for our holy days. Six to gather grains and plants; twenty-five to find the meat. Those men never came back without injury - just like last night - proving God still didn't find us ready.
Until He did, the library was as close to the world above as I could get, and my curiosity had turned this place into my obsession. Women weren't allowed many luxuries. Reading certainly wasn't one of them, yet I couldn't stop. That my friends helped me?
They said it was because they liked the stories I told at night. I had a feeling it was really because they were simply the closest thing to a family I'd ever really had. My father was all but a stranger. My mother had been possessed, so she couldn't really be a part of my life after I'd been moved to the girls' wing. My siblings? Well, I barely knew them.
Then again, Callah could say the same. For the Righteous, family was what determined our coefficient of inbreeding, little more. For most children - especially those of us from the quarantined women - our relationship with our families was distant at best. Meri, on the other hand, had been raised by her parents in their suite. Her childhood sounded more like what "family" was in the books I read - at least until she'd joined the girls' wing at the age of ten.
That had been when we'd all been assigned together. It had been when our parents stopped visiting - or we were no longer allowed to visit them. A year later, I'd found the library. When I'd told Merienne and Callah about it, neither one had turned me in to Mr. Cassidy. They hadn't alerted Ms. Lawton to my rule breaking. Instead, they'd crowded together on my bed and had begged me to tell them what books really said, all too aware these books were not ones the Righteous should be reading.
Too soon, I was going to lose this place. Seven months. While that sounded like a long time, I knew it wasn't. Some days would drag. Others would fly by. Before I knew it, my turn would come - because I couldn't stay a child forever.
Once I turned twenty, like Meri just had, I would be a woman, ready for the responsibilities of adulthood. After that, my life became little more than caring for my husband and children. I would never have another chance to finish these. Closing the cover, I caressed the book like an old friend, then turned to the trunks. They were all full. Hundreds of books, some with words I could barely understand. They spoke of better days, back when men lived in the open air.
They were all considered heretical, which was why they'd been banished back here. These books spoke of governments chosen by the people and for the people. They told of times when women lived their own lives, often without men. They spoke of rights and freedoms - things I couldn't even imagine. A few even told of romance and love affairs.
Granted, I hadn't yet decided if I liked those books or despised them. Meri loved them, though, so I tried to read a few. Still, the stories made me curious about what happened in the marriage bed, but they were simple fantasy, glorifying the act. There was no way a man would make my heart beat faster or cause my guts to clench with excitement. The only time that had ever happened was when someone accidentally set off the intruder alarm!
But since Meri only had a week left of stories, I would read one for her today. Not all of it, since many took more than the few hours I could steal down here, but at least I could start. If I needed to, I could make up the ending to fit with her and Gideon. Something to make her worry less about the life she was about to live with him.
I stayed in my secret room for nearly three hours, but eventually I had to go. If I stayed here too long, someone would notice my absence, and if they found me in here? No, that surely wouldn't end well. All three of us would likely be punished for it, and my friends did not deserve that.
So, setting Meri's romance story to the side for my next visit, I finally made my way out the same way I'd gotten in: I climbed. On the other side, I paused, listening for feet before making my way down. Then I hurried to my room. My adventure to the book storage area had made my dress filthy, but my friends had another ready and waiting on my bed. I'd done this enough times that we knew what to expect. Slipping the clean dress on, I re-tied my hair into a knot at the back of my head, tucked away the pale, wild strands, and made my way towards the dining hall.
Head up, shoulders back, and soft steps. When someone looked at me, I smiled as if I'd done nothing wrong, but not wide enough to show teeth. I didn't want to give them the wrong impression. I wanted to be polite, not friendly. Seen and not heard, that was the ultimate goal. Hopefully, if I was good enough at it, the men in the compound might even forget I existed.
By the time I got into the dining hall, most of the Righteous had already eaten. The meal was typical for a non-feast day: boiled grains with beans, large leafed plants, and a selection of fungus. Unlike most people, I liked these meals best. They were filling, if bland.
Once my plate was full, I made my way over to where Callah was sitting alone. Like mine, her plate was filled with the grains and beans, but where I'd taken more greens, she'd picked the fungus. I murmured at her choice, our eyes met, and we both dug in.
"Where's Meri?" I asked.
Callah flicked a finger towards the hall leading out. "She was told she could feed Gideon his meal."
Which meant she didn't have the option of saying no. Then again, she was about to be his wife, and if the man was well enough to eat, it sounded like he'd recover. I couldn't help but wonder how many of last night's patients wouldn't be able to say the same.
Infection would set in. Some could still die. That was the way of things and why we had to work so hard to be righteous believers in the one true God. Our faith was the last weapon we had against the power of the Devil. Sadly, the surface was the only place where we could get the supplies necessary to feed ourselves. So, if we wanted to survive, we had to be strong, faithful, and devoted followers of the Lord Almighty.
I was nibbling on the last piece of my greens when Mr. Saunders sat down across from us, but his eyes were on me. Callah tensed before setting her fork down. I smiled politely, but my shoulders sank. There was only one reason for him to sit next to either of us.
"I was told you girls are nearing the age of twenty." He sucked his teeth and looked me over. "Do you have a proposal yet, Miss Ross?"
"I do not," I admitted, aware of Callah trying to make herself as small as possible beside me. "Probably because Meri turns today and I have more than half a year left." I even added a sweet, innocent smile to make sure I looked brainless.
This man's last wife was barely in the compost! He certainly didn't look like he was mourning her at all. I knew that for women, if one was lucky enough to outlive her husband, she would be given a year for mourning before being expected to remarry. Evidently a few weeks was all a man needed.
Mr. Saunders’ eyebrows twitched slightly at my response. "Mm, I thought it was sooner than that. Well, when the time comes, I hope you will consider me, Miss Ross. Your father beat me to your mother, but I won't have that problem with you, hm?"
"No, sir."
I ducked my head politely but couldn't manage to force the expected blush. I had no interest in a man almost as old as my father! I certainly didn't want to be a replacement for my mother!
Then again, I had no interest in marriage whatsoever. Once - if my books were to be believed - it had been a promise of love, but now it was simply a way to continue the generations of the Righteous waiting for their turn to reclaim the Earth from Hell.
