DUKE DIDN’T SEE how hanging around the hospital would do anyone good after he saw his grandparents. He was grateful for the minute he had to see how they were doing with his own eyes. “We’ll head home.”
“You know we’ll call if there are any changes,” Tabby said with a nod. He knew the doctors and nurses were doing everything possible to take care of his family. Knowing didn’t make him relax or assume the road would be easy.
The nap he’d had at Audrey’s had been enough to keep him going for a few hours. Maybe once they were back home, he could grab real sleep.
Nash would take over at the hospital. Duke checked the group chat and saw that Nash planned to head over soon. They would probably pass each other on the street without realizing.
He rubbed the scruff on his chin. He could use a real shave, too, before he looked like one of the wild animals on ranch property. Tired didn’t begin to describe him. He’d let his guard down falling asleep at Audrey’s cabin. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
Calling in reinforcements from the family would be his next move along with Nash. He, and everyone else, had naively hoped this would be a blip in their grandparents’ lives. They all thought Duke could come home for a couple of days, a week tops, to handle the ranch and make sure Grandpa Lor and Grandma Lacy could function fine at home when they were released from the hospital.
Audrey squeezed his fingers, a reassuring move.
Decisions that might be coming, like taking one or both of their grandparents off life support, needed to be made with clear minds. His family would want an update, which didn’t make him dread giving one any less.
With Audrey safely by his side, he could deal with anything.
Of course, this seemed like a good time to remind himself her presence in his life and in this town were temporary. She’d made it clear that she planned to leave as soon as his grandparents improved. Would she just disappear in the middle of the night once again? Would she pack up and leave without so much as a word? Duke let go of her hand, reminding himself that he shouldn’t get used to her being there.
The look of hurt that crossed her features at the move caused his chest to squeeze. He didn’t like hurting her any more than he wanted to drink battery acid.
But she would walk away again. And he needed to protect his heart this time.
Chapter Twenty-One
The drive to the ranch was thankfully uneventful. Audrey settled into her old room in no time. A soft knock at the almost-closed door drew her attention. The hall light clicked off and then she heard Duke slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
She moved to the opposite side of the wall near the door and did the same.
“Hey,” he said in a whisper. There was something about the deep timbre in his voice that traveled over her and through her at the same time.
“Hey,” she returned.
“Can I ask a question?” The hesitation in his voice made her nervous.
“Go ahead,” she responded, tensing as she readied herself for what might come next. She had no idea what he was about to ask, and it worried her that she couldn’t read his mind.
“Why didn’t you find a way to contact me all those years ago?” he asked. “I thought we had something special. Didn’t I deserve an explanation? Didn’t I prove that I was worthy of your trust?”
“I couldn’t.”
“That isn’t good enough, Audrey. Not for me. Not for what we had together.”
“It’s simple,” she said, blood pressure shooting through the roof at what she was about to admit.
“Is it? Then why didn’t you tell me already?”
“I didn’t say it was easy, but you’re right about one thing, Duke. You deserved better from me.”
“Then why won’t you tell me now?” he pressed.
Was he sure he wanted to know?
“Why don’t you trust me now?”
“How I feel about you has never been the problem, Duke. But I knew then like I know now if I heard your voice or saw a message from you on my phone that I would change my mind. I would turn around and come back. And then what if my parents found me here in Mesa Point?” She could feel herself trembling now. “My parents weren’t good people, Duke. They would have wanted revenge against anyone who took what they believed was theirs...me. And it didn’t matter that they didn’t really want me. My uncle was a nightmare but even he knew to cut off contact with them years ago. They were messed-up individuals, and nothing would have stopped them from coming down here and lighting the barn on fire to prove a point.” She could hear the shakiness in her own voice. “At sixteen, I couldn’t handle doing that to you or rationalizing that you might be able to defend yourself. Plus, there was no way I could reach out to you even if I thought it was safe. My uncle took me in, and I had a whole other life. Not that it was a good one, but my plate was full trying to survive every day.”
Duke didn’t immediately speak, which meant he was processing her response. She hadn’t meant the words to tumble out of her mouth like an outburst, but that was exactly what happened.
The stillness should stress her out, but it was oddly comforting, like two companions who didn’t need to fill the space between them with words.
“Given my line of work, I understand the position you were in,” he finally said. “Personally...it hurt like hell.”
“I never meant for that to happen,” she explained. It didn’t or couldn’t change the past, but maybe it would help him forgive her and move on. “I was confused and caught up in a hailstorm dealing with the trial and my parents. Thankfully, they were convicted and sentenced to life in prison. But not before threatening to find me wherever I went. I believed them too. I thought they would find a way to escape just to punish me.”
“I tried to look you up on the internet,” he admitted on an exhale. “The fact you’d used a false last name while you were here didn’t dawn on me until years later when I started looking into working for the US Marshals Service.”
She wished she’d been able to suppress the memory of Duke. For her, everything she saw reminded her of him. “Despite everything, I couldn’t forget you.”
She’d tried. Shutting Duke Remington out of her mind altogether had been impossible. At best, she’d learned to distract herself. She dated around once she turned eighteen. Anything before that wasn’t an option. Child Protective Services hadn’t been much help. They’d offered to put her in a group home. Now, she realized how short they were on resources. But going from bad to worse didn’t seem like the right play, which she feared if she’d told on her uncle. Plus, the devil you knew always seemed better than the one you didn’t.
“Part of me didn’t want to forget,” she admitted to Duke. She understood why he would want to suppress the memories. He’d had no idea what was really going on. She couldn’t find a way to explain how jacked up her family had been. Not when he grew up with his grandparents in a loving home.
She had no concept back then of how he could have understood her situation.
“I would have helped you,” he said quietly with a voice filled with regret.
“There was nothing you could have done, Duke.”
