“No, Carly. I don’t—”
“I couldn’t let you drive drunk. I had to stop you!”
“By jumping in front of my car?” The horror of that moment washed over him again.
“How could I live with myself if you had died because of me? I already let that happen to Ben.” She let out a wretched sob.
He bent over the bed and caught her hands in his, pressing them to his heart. “If anyone was to blame for Ben’s death besides Ben, it was me. How could I have lived with both of your deaths on my conscience?”
She shook her head, wincing. “I wanted to blame you. I wanted to blame anyone besides myself. But I was in love with you...”
Someone threw a bucket of cold water in his face. “In love with me? But—”
“I know it was just a silly schoolgirl crush, but it felt real to me. And that night I chose to lie to my dad, thinking you might like me if I kept your secret. And—”
“You couldn’t have known—”
“Let me finish...” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “I know it wasn’t just me. Other people share the blame. But I couldn’t mar Ben’s memory by holding it against him. And my lie ended up ruining your life, so I couldn’t blame you either. I was the only one left.”
Chest aching, Liam let her hands go to brace himself over the bed. He leaned down to touch his lips to her forehead just below the white-cloth bandage. He hadn’t let himself think about those events in a long time, but the memory was as fresh and raw as the night it happened.
“I’m so sorry, Carly.” His voice cracked. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“No, you don’t—”
He shifted his weight to one hand and pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. “The accident took as much from you as it did from me. Even more. Your life has been paralyzed with blame you never deserved.”
“I was fine.” She sniffed. “I’m a strong person. I’ve been a grownup ever since my mom died. But Dad... he couldn’t handle it. It messed him up when Mom died. And when he lost Ben, Dad lost his will to live.”
“Your dad passed away?”
“He’s still breathing.” She stared out the window, into the dark. “But he wishes he wasn’t. I’ve tried to be the best daughter I can be... you know... to make up for it. But I can never replace Ben.”
Liam pictured her as a fourteen-year-old, mourning her brother’s loss and feeling at fault for her dad’s despondency.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Carly. You can’t be responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Who’s taking care of you?”
“I told you, I’m fine. Nora’s been good for me. She makes me exercise and eat healthy food. And I’ve felt better about myself since I started my doctoral research.”
The truth socked Liam in the gut, knocking his breath away. Her research! She’d even chosen her research for him! Yet he’d never thought of her as anything more than his best friend’s little sister. And in the past sixteen years, he’d rarely thought of her at all.
“Carly, there are a couple of things you need to know that I think will help you let go of this guilt.” Her guileless gaze stirred something that made him want to hold her in his arms and keep the world at bay. “First, I don’t drink alcohol. None. I haven’t had a taste since the night Ben died.”
Her eyebrows pushed down over her eyes. “But I saw you—”
“Drinking kombucha from a brown bottle.” He pointed a finger at her. “And promise me you will never ever put your life at risk like that again.”
“I was desperate.” She shrugged, sporting the hint of a smile. “It’s not like I jump in front of cars every day.”
“I’ll take that as a promise.” He tapped his finger playfully on her nose. “And second, you need to know that my life wasn’t ruined. It took a turn I never expected. That makes it different, not bad. I got to choose my path instead of being pushed into football.” He saw her brows arch with surprise. “I’ve done things that will make life better for thousands of people, and that’s a lot more important than throwing passes and making touchdowns. If I hadn’t broken my back, it might’ve taken me my whole life to realize what you do for other people is more important than what the world defines as success.”
“You really mean that? Or are you saying it so I won’t feel guilty.”
“It’s completely true. That’s how I feel. Not at the beginning, but that’s what I believe now.”
“Thank you.” Carly flashed a wobbly smile. “Knowing that makes all the difference. And maybe it’ll inspire me to be selfless like you.”
“Good grief, Carly! Why do you keep putting me on a pedestal? I’m just an ordinary guy who’s trying to do something good with his life. I happen to be paralyzed, but that doesn’t make me any more noble than anyone else. Why are you judging me by a different standard?”
Her face crumpled. “But I’m not judging you by a different standard. You are the standard. You have been since ninth grade when I saw you sit down and eat lunch with Stanley Moorhead.”
“Who’s Stanley Moorhead?” The name didn’t ring a bell.
“Don’t you remember? He was the guy with the long greasy hair and ratty clothes. The stinky guy. He didn’t have a single friend in high school. But after you ate lunch with him, he changed. His hair was clean, and he didn’t stink anymore. The other kids quit making fun of him. He made friends.”
Liam blinked, his mind reaching back in time. “I don’t remember that at all. But I did try to eat lunch with someone new every day; it was my thing. It was no big deal.”
“It was no big deal to you, but it was huge to Stanley Moorhead.”
“You’re making me out to be this amazing, perfect person, and I’m not. I’m not even close!”
“I didn’t fall in love with sixteen-year-old Liam Bennett because he was perfect.” She jutted her chin forward. “I know we all make mistakes. I fell for Liam Bennett because of who he was every day.”
“I hung out at your house all the time. Why didn’t you say something?”
“I did.” Liquid pooled in her eyes. “The night I overheard you and Ben talking about the party, I finally worked up the courage to tell you how I felt. I begged you to take me with you. And you told me you couldn’t take me because I wasn’t invited. But if I didn’t tattle, you would eat lunch with me on Monday.”
A fat tear rolled from the corner of her eye. From the deep recesses of his mind came an image of little Lottie Simpson, staring up at him with those innocent gray eyes, confessing her love. How could he have ever forgotten?
