I flinched.
“She wins,” Rhys breathed. “That bitch wins if you let yourself fall apart.”
I wondered if he’d been telling himself that for months now, wondered if he, too, had moments when his own memories sometimes suffocated him deep in the night.
But I lifted the book, firing two words down the bond between us before I blasted my shields up again.
Conversation over.
“Like hell it is,” he snarled. A thrum of power caressed my fingers, and then the book sealed shut between my hands. My nails dug into the leather and paper—to no avail.
Bastard. Arrogant, presuming bastard.
Slowly, I lifted my eyes to him. And I felt … not hot temper—but icy, glittering rage.
I could almost feel that ice at my fingertips, kissing my palms. And I swore there was frost coating the book before I hurled it at his head.
He shielded fast enough that it bounced away and slid across the marble floor behind us.
“Good,” he said, his breathing a bit uneven. “What else do you have, Feyre?”
Ice melted to flame, and my fingers curled into fists.
And the High Lord of the Night Court honestly looked relieved at the sight of it—of that wrath that made me want to rage and burn.
A feeling, for once. Not like that hollow cold and silence.
And the thought of returning to that manor with the sentries and the patrols and the secrets … I sank back into my chair. Frozen once more.
“Any time you need someone to play with,” Rhys said, pushing the plate toward me on a star-flecked wind, “whether it’s during our marvelous week together or otherwise, you let me know.”
I couldn’t muster up a response, exhausted from the bit of temper I’d shown.
And I realized I was in a free fall with no end. I had been for a while. From the moment I’d stabbed that Fae youth in the heart.
I didn’t look up at him again as I devoured the food.
The next morning, Tamlin was waiting in the shade of the gnarled, mighty oak tree in the garden.
A murderous expression twisted his face, directed solely at Rhys. Yet there was nothing amused in Rhys’s smile as he stepped back from me—only a cold, cunning predator gazing out.
Tamlin growled at me, “Get inside.”
I looked between the two High Lords. And seeing that fury in Tamlin’s face … I knew there would be no more solitary rides or walks through the grounds.
Rhys just said to me, “Fight it.”
And then he was gone.
“I’m fine,” I said to Tamlin, as his shoulders slumped, his head bowing.
“I will find a way to end this,” he swore.
I wanted to believe him. I knew he’d do anything to achieve it.
He made me again walk through every detail I had learned at Rhys’s home. Every conversation, however brief. I told him everything, each word quieter than the last.
Protect, protect, protect—I could see the word in his eyes, feel it in every thrust he made into my body that night. I had been taken from him once in the most permanent of ways, but never again.
The sentries returned in full force the next morning.
CHAPTER
12
During that first week back, I wasn’t allowed out of sight of the house.
Some nameless threat had broken onto the lands, and Tamlin and Lucien were called away to deal with it. I asked my friend to tell me what it was, yet … Lucien had that look he always did when he wanted to, but his loyalty to Tamlin got in the way. So I didn’t ask again.
While they were gone, Ianthe returned—to keep me company, protect me, I don’t know.
She was the only one allowed in. The semi-permanent gaggle of Spring Court lords and ladies at the manor had been dismissed, along with their personal servants. I was grateful for it, that I no longer would run into them while walking the halls of the manor, or the gardens, and have to dredge up a memory of their names, personal histories, no longer have to endure them trying not to stare at the tattoo, but … I knew Tamlin had liked having them around. Knew some of them were indeed old friends, knew he liked the manor being full of sound and laughter and chatter. Yet I’d found they all talked to each other like they were sparring partners. Pretty words masking sharp-edged insults.
I was glad for the silence—even as it became a weight on me, even as it filled my head until there was nothing inside of it beyond … emptiness.
Eternity. Was this to be my eternity?
