“Yes,” I say, sticking my tongue out at Rylee. She grins. I wonder if my baby will look like her. I hope so. She’s really cute, but I might be a little partial.
“Did he ever figure out the subway system there?” Allysa laughs. “I swear, every time I talk to him, he’s lost. He can’t figure out whether to take the A-line or the B-line.”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “He figured it out.”
Allysa sits up on the couch. “Marshall!”
Marshall walks into the living room and Allysa pulls Rylee out of my hands. She hands her to Marshall and says, “Will you change her diaper?”
I don’t know why she asks him that. I just changed her diaper.
Marshall scrunches up his nose and lifts Rylee out of Allysa’s arms. “Are you a stinky girl?”
They’re wearing matching onesies.
Allysa grabs my hands and yanks me off the couch so fast, I squeal.
“Where are we going?”
She doesn’t answer me. She marches toward her bedroom and then slams the door once we’re both inside. She paces back and forth a few times and then she stops and faces me.
“You better tell me what the hell is going on right now, Lily!”
I pull back in shock. What is she talking about?
My hands instantly go to my stomach, because I think maybe she’s noticed, but she doesn’t look at my stomach. She takes a step forward and pokes a finger in my chest. “There is no subway system in Cambridge, England, you idiot!”
“What?” I am so confused.
“I made that up!” she says. “Something hasn’t been right with you for a long time. You’re my best friend, Lily. And I know my brother. I talk to him every week, and he isn’t the same. Something happened between you two, and I want to know what it is right now!”
Shit. I guess this is happening sooner rather than later.
I slowly bring my hands up to my mouth, not sure what to tell her. How much to tell her. I had no idea until this moment how much it’s been killing me that I haven’t been able to talk to her about this. I almost feel a little relieved that she reads me so well.
I walk to her bed and take a seat on it. “Allysa,” I whisper. “Sit down.”
I know this is going to hurt her almost as much as it hurt me. She walks over to her bed and sits down next to me, pulling my hands to hers.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
She squeezes my hands, but says nothing. For the next fifteen minutes, I tell her everything. I tell her about the fight. I tell her about Atlas picking me up. I tell her about the hospital. I tell her about the pregnancy.
I tell her about how, for the last six weeks, I cry myself to sleep every night because I have never felt so alone and so scared.
When I’m finished telling her everything, we’re both crying. She hasn’t responded to what I’ve told her with anything other than the occasional “Oh, Lily.”
She doesn’t have to respond, though. Ryle is her brother. I know she wants me to take his past into consideration just like the last time it happened. I know she’ll want me to work things out with him because he’s her brother. We’re supposed to be one big, happy family. I know exactly what she’s thinking.
She’s quiet for a long time as she struggles through everything I’ve told her. She finally lifts her eyes to mine and squeezes my hands. “My brother loves you, Lily. He loves you so much. You have changed his entire life and have made him someone that I never thought he could be. As his sister, I wish more than anything that you could find a way to forgive him. But as your best friend, I have to tell you that if you take him back, I will never speak to you again.”
It takes a moment for her words to register, but when they do, I start sobbing.
She starts sobbing.
She wraps her arms around me and we cry over the mutual love we have for Ryle. We cry over how much we hate him right now.
After several minutes of us sobbing pathetically on her bed, she releases me and walks over to her dresser to retrieve a box of tissues.
We’re both wiping our eyes and sniffling when I say, “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
She nods. “I know. And now I’m gonna be the best aunt.” She wipes her nose and sniffles again, but she’s smiling. “Lily. You’re having a baby.” She says it with excitement, and it’s the first moment I’ve been able to share any sense of joy over my pregnancy. “I hate to say it, but I noticed you put on weight. I thought you were just depressed and eating a lot since Ryle left.”
She walks to the back of her closet and starts pulling things out for me. “I have so many maternity clothes to give you.”
We start going through clothes and she pulls down a suitcase and opens it. She begins to throw things toward the suitcase until it starts to overflow.
“I could never wear these,” I tell her, holding up a shirt that still has the tag on it. “They’re all designer. I’ll get them dirty.”
She laughs and shoves them into the suitcase anyway. “I won’t need them back. If I get pregnant again, I’ll just have my people buy me more.” She pulls a shirt off a hanger and hands it to me. “Here, try this one on.”
I take my shirt off and then pull the maternity shirt over my head. When I get it into place, I look in the mirror.
I look . . . pregnant. Like you-can’t-hide-this-shit pregnant.
She puts a hand on my stomach and stares in the mirror with me. “Have you found out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
I shake my head. “I don’t really want to know.”
