He begins to nod, slowly.
He backs away from me, crawling down my body until he’s at the edge of the bed with his back to me. He’s still nodding as he comes to a slow stand, fully aware that he’s not getting my forgiveness tonight. He begins heading toward my bedroom door.
“Wait,” I say to him.
He half-turns, looking back at me from the doorway.
I lift my chin, looking at him with finality. “I wish this baby wasn’t yours, Ryle. With everything that I am, I wish this baby was not a part of you.”
If I thought his world couldn’t crumble more, I was wrong.
He walks out of my bedroom and I press my face into my pillow. I thought if I could just hurt him like he had hurt me, I would feel avenged.
I don’t.
Instead, I feel vindictive and mean.
I feel like I’m my father.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mom: I miss you. When am I going to see you?
I stare at the text. It’s been two days since Ryle found out I’m pregnant. I know it’s time to tell my mother. I’m not nervous about telling her I’m pregnant. The only thing that scares me is discussing my situation with Ryle with her.
Me: Miss you, too. I’ll come over tomorrow afternoon. Can you make lasagna?
As soon as I close out the text to her, I get another incoming text.
Allysa: Come upstairs and eat dinner with us tonight. It’s homemade pizza night.
I haven’t been to Allysa’s in a few days. Since before Ryle came home. I’m not sure where he’s staying, but I assume it’s with them. The last thing I want right now is to have to be in the same apartment as him.
Me: Who all will be there?
Allysa: Lily . . . I wouldn’t do that to you. He’s working until 8 tomorrow morning. It’ll just be the three of us.
She knows me way too well. I text her back and tell her I’ll come over as soon as I finish up with work.
• • •
“What do babies eat at this age?”
We’re all seated around the table. Rylee was asleep when I got here, but I woke her up so I could hold her. Allysa didn’t mind; she said she doesn’t want her wide awake when she’s ready to go to bed.
“Breast milk,” Marshall says with a mouthful. “But sometimes I stick my finger in my soda and put it in her mouth so she can taste it.”
“Marshall!” Allysa yells. “You better be kidding.”
“Totally kidding,” he says, although I can’t tell if he really is.
“But when do they start eating baby food?” I ask. I figure I need to learn this stuff before giving birth.
“Around four months,” Allysa says with a yawn. She drops her fork and leans back in her chair, rubbing her eyes.
“You want me to keep her at my place tonight so you guys can get a full night of sleep?”
Allysa says, “No, it’s fine,” at the same time Marshall says, “That would be awesome.”
I laugh. “Really. I live right downstairs. I don’t work tomorrow so if I don’t get any sleep tonight I can just sleep in tomorrow.”
Allysa looks like she’s contemplating it for a moment. “I could leave my cell phone on in case you need me.”
I look back down at Rylee and grin. “Did you hear that? You get to have a sleepover with Aunt Lily!”
• • •
With everything Allysa is throwing in her diaper bag, it looks like I’m about to take Rylee on a trip across the country. “She’ll let you know when she’s hungry. Don’t use the microwave to heat the milk, just put it in . . .”
“I know,” I interrupt. “I’ve made her like fifty bottles since she’s been alive.”
Allysa nods and then walks over to her bed. She drops the diaper bag down beside me. Marshall is in the living room feeding Rylee one last time, so Allysa lies down beside me on the bed while we wait. She props her head up on her hand.
“Do you know what this means?” she asks.
“No. What?”
“I get to have sex tonight. It’s been four months.”
