‘Jamie here is going to wear a blindfold and we’re going to spin him around until he points to someone. Whoever he points to will then be given the name of a sex position by me – and, don’t worry, we have illustrations where necessary,’ he laughed. ‘That person will then need to whisper the name of the position to Jamie and get into the sex position with him as quickly as possible. Whoever guesses the name of the sex position first, gets …’
‘Let me guess, a shot?’ asked Fran.
Johnny stopped and smiled at her. ‘Yes!’
Jessie shot Fran a look, prompting Fran to roll her eyes. Maybe she wasn’t enjoying herself either.
Tessa, Jessie and Lizzie were chosen first. Spooning. Missionary. Reverse Cowgirl. Jamie slapped Lizzie’s bum when she walked off; she blew him a kiss in return.
It was nauseating to watch. No one seemed to find it odd that a man nobody knew was pretending to aggressively fuck each of them. Nikki was cheering the names of each woman like she was on the sidelines of a school netball match.
The last person to be chosen was Fran. Rose sighed with relief.
Fran nodded when she was told the position as if she’d been given an instruction from a colleague. She whispered it to Jamie and he bit his lower lip, let out a quiet moan and pulled Fran into him by her hips, pushing her down onto the sofa beneath him. Fran’s body softened as Jamie lifted her torso so that she was on all fours. He was kneeling behind her, hands firmly positioned on either side of her pelvis as he rammed into her with a ferocity he had spared the others. It was like all the testosterone that had slowly been building throughout the day had erupted at a singular moment. His performance was elevated, too, by beastly grunts and groans.
Fran was facing the group. At first, she was smiling, weakly, trying to play along. Then as Jamie became more animated, the smile faded, Fran’s mouth falling to a neutral position. Her eyes squinted whenever Jamie slammed his body into hers, jolting her further forward a little more each time, her hands losing their grip on the sofa underneath her.
Everyone except Rose and Ruby was shouting her name, cheering them both on. Finally Grace called out, ‘Doggy!’ and Jamie stopped. Fran’s gaze was fixed on a spot behind Rose. Her shoulders drooped as Jamie stepped off the sofa, removing his hands and allowing her body to flop down like a slinky.
‘Good job, love,’ Jamie said, lightly tapping her bum.
By dinner, everyone had started to sober up. The mood was still light, the cutlery penis-shaped. They were all allocated time to shower and change into their black tie dresses because, thankfully, there were no more activities. Now they could just eat and enjoy, although there had been whispers of a stripper coming later. They were served dinner by regular waiters in regular clothes – the catering company was local, friends of Nikki’s.
The meal itself was fairly standard. There had been penis-shaped canapés, including cheese-filled pastries, and white wine spritzers to start. The main was either steak and chips, or tomato pasta for the veggies. And then buttered green beans on the side. They were basically eating from the kids’ menu at Café Rouge. Jessie, who was vegan, had her own special penis-shaped canapés – pastries filled with avocado – and her main was a green salad with vegan cheese.
Conversation flitted between what Jessie ate on Christmas Day (mushroom roast) and if she brought her own food to dinner parties (yes, and she always offered it to everyone else too) to Tessa’s new job at PWC and her awful boss (‘She’s in desperate need of a shag’) and a drug (‘A bit like if ketamine and MD had a lovechild’) that Grace had tried last weekend. Nikki asked if she could get her some for a sixtieth birthday party; Grace promised to look into it.
Fran, meanwhile, was barely contributing, fixing her attention on her meal and little else. Ruby also seemed subdued. Rose couldn’t stop looking at both of them, wondering if there would be an opportunity for her to ask if they were okay.
They would have undoubtedly been chirpier had Jamie and Johnny actually left. Jessie had politely tried to tell them to leave once the games had finished but Lizzie had begged them to stay. ‘But we don’t have enough seats for dinner,’ Jessie protested, firmly, looking at Lizzie.
‘Oh, that’s fine! You boys can eat at the kitchen island while we sit in the dining room,’ she said, winking at Jamie.
Rose had watched all of this unfold, hoping to see both men turn around and walk out the front door. Johnny’s eyes kept flicking back to hers, apparently hoping Rose was thinking the opposite. Of all the women there, it baffled her that this guy would fixate on her. The one with the shortest legs, frizziest hair and by far the least interest in him. Maybe he saw her as a challenge.
From the dinner table, Rose could just about see the shadows of Johnny and Jamie across the courtyard that separated the formal dining room and the kitchen. Both had changed into grey tracksuit bottoms and white baggy T-shirts. Rose was almost certain Jamie would sleep with Lizzie. Maybe Johnny would too.
After the meal, the group dispersed and Rose went to the conservatory so she could look at her phone in private. She unlocked it and saw her messages with Milo. Rose gulped. There was a reply.
A hen do? Fun.
That was it. Why bother sending it at all?
Can we talk? she replied. She was fed up with the arbitrary back and forth.
‘You okay, Rose?’ a voice from around the corner arrived. It was Tessa. Of course, it was Tessa.
Her eyes lit up when she saw Rose was looking at her phone.
‘Two guesses I know what this is about,’ she said, smiling.
‘You really don’t,’ Rose replied, stonily.
‘Okay, okay, I don’t. I can’t believe I didn’t realise it was your Instagram account. I just went straight to your inbox to DM Mike and my God, Rose. Come on. Tell me. Are you fucking Milo Jax?!’
‘Shhh,’ she replied, desperately. ‘And no.’
‘Okay.’
Tessa paused and tried again.
‘Were you fucking Milo Jax?’
‘No.’
‘Okay. Do you want to fuck Milo Jax?’
‘Tessa.’
‘Yes, you’re right. Silly question. Everyone wants to fuck Milo Jax.’
‘Look, we really don’t know each other. So I know you don’t owe me anything. But I am begging you, please don’t bring this up out there. You know what that group is like. I can’t handle it. Not tonight.’
‘I think you’re overestimating how much people in that group give a shit about other people’s lives,’ Tessa scoffed.
‘Good point.’
‘But no, don’t worry. I won’t say anything.’
