“I like to think that I am a man who can admit when he’s wrong,” Randy nodded.
“Harvard’s going to be good for me, Dad,” Grant said, determined to guide the conversation in a purposeful direction.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Randy said, rubbing his hands together. “I guess I just wanted you boys to want to do what I did…to follow in my footsteps, carry on tradition…take over the family business…like a cotton farmer who teaches his son the tricks of the trade, and, when he’s gone, leaves the farm to him…or the mom and pop family grocery store that has been passed down from generation to generation.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to follow in your footsteps,” Grant assured Randy. “You’ve accomplished so many amazing things in your lifetime…who wouldn’t want to strive to achieve the professional accolades that you have? Your life has been full of admirable accomplishments and heroic deeds, but sometimes… well, sometimes, I feel like you’ve spent my whole life fighting for Ike’s dreams and your dreams for him. I feel like you have spent my lifetime trying to mold me into someone I’m not. He’s gone, Dad. I’m never going to be the son you lost, so why can’t you accept that I’m trying the best I know how to be who I’m supposed to be?”
“I don’t want you to be your brother,” Randy said harshly. “I have never wanted or expected you to be Ike.”
“Then why have you insisted for years that I imitate the life Ike wanted?” Grant yelled back. “I don’t have one single memory of your golden child, but…”
“Aren’t you the same person who just called me out for being disrespectful?” Randy pointed.
“Fine,” Grant held his hands up. “I mean Ike no disrespect…this is all about you and me. I regret that I don’t have any memories of him that are my own. I only know what you have told me. West Point was his dream. Becoming an Army officer was his life’s goal. A career in the military was the life he wanted for himself. That’s not my life, Dad…that’s not what I want. I’m not Ike; I’m the replacement kid!”
“Replacement kid?” Randy shook his head.
“That’s what it feels like sometimes,” Grant shrugged.
Randy nodded, his stern face softening. He chuckled to himself. “You know, Grant,” he reflected, “I used to think I had the parenting thing down pat. When David was born, I was so nervous. I had never been anybody’s daddy before. Your mother read all the books, and we took all the classes.” He laughed at himself. “Anyway, what I’m getting at is that, by the time you came along, I had raised four kids by the book. I guess I got a little cocky, because with you I feel like I missed a few steps along the way. That’s not to say that you didn’t turn out as well as the rest. I guess what I’m saying is that if I could do it over again…we would play basketball every afternoon, and I’d tell you that I loved you as often as you’d let me.”
“I’ve always known you love me, Dad,” Grant replied. “Growing up, I always felt like my life was likely to change dramatically at any second, and I hated that. I wanted stability, and the only place I ever found it was in the guarantee that, no matter what base we were stationed at or where I was going to school, your love and Mom’s love were always gonna be there. That, I never doubted… not for one second.”
“You’re right though,” Randy conceded reluctantly. “I did more things with Ike. I feel like he got me at a different stage of my life than you did, and I regret that. But, I have never wanted you to be Ike. I have never looked for you to replace Ike.”
“But he was the perfect son,” Grant replied. “I’ve heard enough stories to know that he was everything you wanted in a son.”
Randy smiled. “He was special,” he nodded. “He was a good boy, a strong boy…a hard worker…he had a strong sense of country and a great respect for West Point. He was loving and kind, and he worshiped his daddy. He liked to talk to me; I loved talking to him. I couldn’t have asked for a better kid than Ike. He didn’t talk back; he didn’t balk at authority.” Randy ruffled Grant’s hair. “But, you are every bit as special to me as he is. Do you understand that? I don’t have one son…I have three…all three of whom I love equally…equally but differently.”
Grant nodded slowly.
“Grant, I love you,” Randy said confidently. “I may not always agree with certain decisions you make. We might not always see eye-to-eye on things.” He paused before adding, “Ike never would have been suspended from school for fighting. I never would have caught him experimenting with illegal substances as part of his own personal research project. He never would have thrown a brick through anyone’s window or vandalized anyone’s property. He never would have disappeared for days at a time without telling your mother and I where he was. But, do you know what else? Ike couldn’t speak ten languages; Ike didn’t make people laugh by saying the most irreverent things at the most inappropriate times; Ike didn’t make a perfect sore on the ACT and SAT; Ike couldn’t do mathematical equations in his head faster than most men can figure them with a calculator; he couldn’t read a book and quote key passages back to you verbatim, and Ike never would have had the sheer guts to stand up to me in a room full of onlookers and tell me that I was being disrespectful to the person he loved. I have so much respect and admiration for your talents and abilities, Son.”
“Then why don’t you trust me to use them as I see fit?” Grant shrugged.
“I do,” Randy nodded, “but I understand that it may not always feel that way.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Grant replied shortly.
“Let me tell you something,” Randy said as he sat down on the hood of Nora’s car. “A father takes his greatest pride, not from his own accomplishments, but in watching his children out achieve him. It was my goal in my life to provide you and your brothers and sisters with opportunities I never had, and to have you benefit from my wisdom, experience and accomplishments. I am a competitive man; I don’t like to lose. I have never been satisfied unless I am the best at what I do! It really gets my goat anytime anybody outdoes me…unless that person is one of my children…because that’s not losing…that’s a father’s greatest victory.”
Grant smiled.
“So, I’m rooting for you, Son,” Randy nodded. “I only want what is best for you. That is the only reason I care so much, the only reason I’m so invested in your college plans. I have tried to guide you throughout every step of your life, not to mold you into someone else, but because I know from experience that each decision you make in your life will define who you become. I just want you to make the choices that are right for you, Grant…that’s all.”
“And be all that I can be,” Grant winked.
Randy smiled. “You have everything going for you! You’re brilliant; you’re witty, and I think that it is about time that I accept the fact that you have become a responsible adult, beyond capable of making thoughtful decisions. I trust your judgment, and I’ll support whatever you want to do, Grant. I just thought West Point was a great opportunity, and I was looking out for you and your best interest…using any connections that I had to help advance your future. I don’t think there is any father in the world that could be disappointed by his son’s acceptance to Harvard.” Randy put his hand on Grant’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you and the man I see you becoming. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, and, on top of that, you seem happy…”
“I am happy, Dad,” Grant nodded. “I don’t know how to describe what Hailey and I have, but I’m not willing to give it up. I love her.”
“Have you told her that?” Randy asked.
“Well, yeah,” Grant grinned. “My timing and delivery could have probably used some work. I tend to yell it during arguments…but those are just words anyway, right? They don’t mean that much…I mean love is something you show, not something you say.”
“That’s right,” Randy agreed. “And, I know from experience that girls from Hope Hull are a special breed, so if you’re lucky enough to take one away with you…protect her heart…always…because the day you lose it is the day that nothing else you’ve done or accomplished will matter in the least.”
Grant smiled at his father, and an unspoken forgiveness seemed to radiate through his expression. “For eighteen years, you’ve been larger than life in my eyes, Dad…and I think that the one thing I have taken from all that has happened this year is that even heroes mess up…even heroes fail sometimes, and that gives a guy like me hope. I’ve messed up…I’ve messed up a lot…but you’ve made me realize that a relationship is about that one girl who supports you and loves you, even when you don’t deserve it at all. I see it in Mom…she still loves you.”
“I love your mother,” Randy nodded. “Your mom and I have been through a lot over the years. We survived the stress of war; we got through Rachel’s pregnancy; we survived the death of a child; we survived your rebellious years…and we will survive my shortcomings.”
Grant’s eyes welled up with tears. “Dad,” he gulped, surprised by his own emotions, “did you know that you were my hero?”
Randy lowered his head as he listened to his son’s words.
“Did you know that the day I saw you on our couch with Cindy that I felt like I had nothing left to believe in?” Grant cried as he fought to suck back his tears. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to see your hero fall apart right in front of your eyes?”
“Grant,” Randy said, lifting Grant’s chin and forcing his son to look into his eyes, “let me tell you a little secret, Son.” He took a long, deep breath as he battled his willingness to go on. “Your old man’s no hero.”
“You were to me,” Grant cried.
“Stop that,” Randy shook his head. He took Grant by the shoulders. “Wipe those tears,” he demanded. “I’m so ashamed of everything that happened with Cindy; I am heartsick that I could disappoint you and the rest of our family the way that I did. I am sickened that I didn’t set a better example for you, but I was never a hero, Grant.”
“I think the history books will disagree with you,” Grant said confidently.
“They’ll be wrong,” Randy boomed, tears filling his eyes. “When I went into battle, my number one goal was always to bring my boys back home to their mamas, and I was good at that. I made decisions that saved men’s lives…and there was a time when I could have bought into the accolades…I welcomed them…I could see myself as that hero who had done heroic things under pressure. But sixteen years ago, this general got a reality check…and I learned that I was far from heroic.”
Randy reached into his wallet and handed Grant a folded photograph that looked like it must have been taken out, unfolded and refolded thousands of times over the years. Part of it was taped where the crease had simply given way, and it looked as though it could simply crumble if not handled carefully.