Chapter Seven: Lost in Translation
Chapter Eight: 한 Han—a Collective Pain
Chapter Nine: Alone
Chapter Ten: Rocky Mountain High
Chapter Eleven: Twenty-Five Seconds
Chapter Twelve: Grits and Gravy
Chapter Thirteen: 눈치 Nunchi-a Dark Premonition
Chapter Fourteen: Hit and Run
Chapter Fifteen: No Interracial Dating
Chapter Sixteen: 쌍꺼풀 Sangapul—“Double Eyelids”
Chapter Seventeen: Forgiving Dad
Chapter Eighteen: 1 + 1 = 3
Chapter Nineteen: A Haven for Misfits
Chapter Twenty: Beyond the Uniform
Chapter Twenty-One: One Last Kiss
Chapter Twenty-Two: Same Same
Chapter Twenty-Three: This Is Me
Chapter Twenty-Four: Epiphany
Chapter Twenty-Five: The Promise Fulfilled
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
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About the Author
Praise for The Shape of My Eyes
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Prologue
An uneasiness rose inside me. My heart started racing and a cold sheen of sweat traced its way down my forehead. The very air seemed laden with a sense of dread.
I didn’t want to go anywhere, and I didn’t want to see anyone. In a mere hour, people would be showing up to hear me speak at our church’s twentieth-anniversary celebration. The pressure to deliver a spectacular talk, mixed with disappointment about not having our own property at this stage of our existence, stirred an emptiness in me.
Maybe I’d feel better once I got to church. I tried to convince myself that I’d had this feeling before, and it had been okay. I considered trying to make myself go, but it really felt different this time. I just I couldn’t do it. I called one of the staff, my voice shaky.
“Abe, I don’t think I can come today. I’m not feeling well.”
I couldn’t tell him how I was really feeling. I considered what people would think of me if I didn’t show up and how I would explain this dark place that I found myself in.
I can’t reveal all my anxiety.
I was used to being the strong one.
Abe was caught off guard, but assured me that he’d take care of things.
“You okay, Dave?” he asked.
“Yes, I think so. Thanks, Abe.” I didn’t want to say anything more. All I knew was that I wasn’t well.
I’d never missed an event like this before. I was dependable. I consistently met deadlines and expectations. My personal credo was that just showing up is a large part of “crushing it” in the world. Abe had never heard me sound like this in the twenty years we had known each other, and I’m sure he was baffled as to why I needed the rest of the morning to try and pull myself together.
