MARLOW FIN: My Moni. A white bowl full of thick beef broth and rice. I devoured it. She was the one who put me in bed. I think I slept for days. I really did. When I woke up, she was still sitting there, making sure I was okay. Isla would pop her head under her arm.
JODI LEE: Why does mentioning your grandmother, Moni, bring up such emotion?
MARLOW FIN: She was the best of all of us. I haven’t really talked about her much.
JODI LEE: And your mother, Stella Baek? Where was she?
MARLOW FIN: She checked in on me too. I heard her talk on the phone quite a bit. Asking questions—I can only assume it was the doctor. She took my temperature. Brought me meals. Everything she was supposed to do.
JODI LEE: Supposed to do.
MARLOW FIN: Yes.
JODI LEE: Marlow, do you think your mother wanted you in the family?
MARLOW FIN: [Silence]
JODI LEE: Marlow . . .
MARLOW FIN: What good does it do answering that now?
JODI LEE: What was your father, Patrick Baek, doing during those first weeks?
MARLOW FIN: He was also on the phone a lot. Trying to see if there were any missing children who matched my description. At this point they weren’t sure if I still had anyone out there. As far as they knew, I was temporary.
JODI LEE: You say that word, temporary, with such weight.
MARLOW FIN: [Shrugs]
JODI LEE: Now, this is 1995. I dislike saying this, but things were still a little different at that time. Did you ever feel people looked at your family in a strange way?
MARLOW FIN: Are you trying to ask if people cared that I was Black, my mom was white, my dad was Asian, and my sister was a mixed-race child? Yes. There were of course people who cared. Plenty of people care [gestures] about things that have no significance. Did it matter to me? No.
JODI LEE: What about to the rest of the family?
MARLOW FIN: You mean my family. I’m sure it crossed their minds before bringing me in that the particular makeup of our family was not going to be typical in our neighborhood. There were plenty of lingering eyes. The first time we went out as a family, I distinctly recall a white girl my age who wouldn’t stop staring at me. As if I were the first Black person she had ever seen. Just as you said, 1995 . . . we were all still pretending then, right?
JODI LEE: Marlow, did you ever feel like an outcast in your family? And I ask this not because of race. But because of the manner you were brought in. Found in the woods and then adopted. A mother who did not seem particularly . . . close to you. Did you feel like the outcast?
MARLOW FIN: Of course. I feel like an outcast wherever I go. It’s part of my makeup. And I don’t mean that in the physical sense. I’ve never felt comfortable blending in anywhere.
JODI LEE: Did that anger you? Upset you?
MARLOW FIN: At times, yes.
JODI LEE: Were you prone to violence during this time?
MARLOW FIN: No. I’m not a violent person.
JODI LEE: I have a police report here from September 1995. [Shuffles papers]
MARLOW FIN: And?
JODI LEE: Can you tell me why the police were called to the house after the first month you were there?
MARLOW FIN: It was a misunderstanding.
JODI LEE: Tell us about it. Tell us what this misunderstanding was.
MARLOW FIN: I recall there being a lot of arguing. Moni took me and Isla into her room. But I got out and went back downstairs to see what the fuss was. The noise was coming from the kitchen.
I could see the kitchen light shining hard on my mother’s blonde hair. It was so shiny in that moment it looked like a helmet. She was shaking her head, my father yelling something back. I wanted to make it stop. I think I ran at them. My mother fell somehow trying to avoid me. She ended up falling backward and clipping her cheek on the counter.
JODI LEE: The counter. That’s what the police report also says. That it was the counter.
MARLOW FIN: My father never struck my mother.
JODI LEE: Then how did she get . . . the police report says a three-inch laceration on her cheek? That is a pretty bad cut. You’re saying the counter did that?
MARLOW FIN: Yes. And it’s really unfortunate that it happened. My mother still has a slight scar from it if you look really hard.
JODI LEE: Have there ever been any other incidents of violence that involved you?
MARLOW FIN: It depends.
JODI LEE: On?
MARLOW FIN: On what you consider violence.
