JODI LEE: Who found you?
MARLOW FIN: Isla.
JODI LEE: What’s your first memory?
MARLOW FIN: Waking up to rain. Cold, wet rain. It fell in little spurts on my face. I was so tired . . . the achy kind of tired. I wanted to go back to sleep, but whenever the rain would fall on my face I would wake right back up. When I finally sat up, I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. There were leaves in my hair, inside my mouth. I remember spitting a bunch out. The rain had stopped, and I got up like someone gets out of bed. It felt like being born, like that was my birth moment. The beginning of it all and I didn’t know any other way.
When I did finally stand, I toppled over. Whap! Like a tree being cut down. For some reason my legs were weak. I tried again and clung to a tree trunk for God knows how long, trying to stand without trembling. When I regained steadiness, I started walking. I walked because I didn’t know what else to do. Or where to go, for that matter.
JODI LEE: Those are remarkable details. How is it you think you can remember that, but so little from before?
MARLOW FIN: I wish I had the answer. But there are some moments that are so crystal clear they’re like little clips I can play in my head on command.
JODI LEE: You were a six-year-old girl. Alone, without any idea who you were. Weren’t you scared?
MARLOW FIN: No. I was too new to the world to feel anything. I didn’t know what to be scared of. I only knew I had to start moving. As I walked, I remember bits of rock and sharp twigs on the ground poking the bottoms of my bare feet. They kept digging deeper and deeper the more I started walking. Eventually, a piece of wood punctured my skin and blood started spilling out. I bent down and looked at the cut. I took my finger like that [gestures] and swiped at it. I see that bright red still.
And then I followed it. I followed where I could see the light. The sun was starting to shine through the tops of the trees. I kept walking to where it would show itself. I remember the woods were patterned with this light, little spots shining here and there. I don’t remember how I got to the cabin or even approaching it. Only that when I did see it, it appeared out of nowhere. At least that’s how I remember it. In my memory the cabin is much bigger than it actually is. It looked like it could swallow me whole.
JODI LEE: What did you do when you found the cabin?
MARLOW FIN: I walked up to the cabin. I was drawn to it, as if I already knew the cabin and it knew me. I found myself standing up against a massive window. There were windows everywhere.
She was standing there, staring back at me. She looked . . . scared. She was the scared one.
JODI LEE: Isla?
MARLOW FIN: Yes.
JODI LEE: Did she come out to help you? Did she go get someone?
MARLOW FIN: No.
JODI LEE: Did that bother you?
MARLOW FIN: She was a little girl. Just like I was. What’s there to be bothered about? I’m not sure she knew what she saw. I don’t really remember what happened after she saw me. That’s where it gets a little fuzzy. But I tell you what, Jodi. You know what should be bothersome?
JODI LEE: What?
MARLOW FIN: A six-year-old girl gets discovered wandering in the woods, and it makes the local news. That’s it.
JODI LEE: You think it should have been covered more widely?
MARLOW FIN: I think if I had been a little white girl instead of a little Black girl, you would have been interviewing me when I was six.
[Pause]
JODI LEE: Do you remember when you were finally rescued?
MARLOW FIN: I’ll never forget being rescued.
CHAPTER 3
ISLA
1995
I still remember Dad’s face when he found me pointing, my little hand stretched out as if I were showing him something I had created, like an art project or crayon drawing. Look, look what I did! The lines on his face were severe from the stinging downpour, his eyes wide in disbelief, his mouth an open shock wave. I kept pointing as though putting my finger down would make it difficult for any of them to see what I had led them to.
I had ignored their calls for me to come back. Their desperate shouts pressed me to run faster. This was our first game of tag, she and I. I wasn’t going to let her down. The sky had an unnatural hue, a faded chartreuse that lit the silhouette of her head as it bobbed up and down until it disappeared, dropping with such rapidity it looked as though she had fallen down a rabbit hole.
I didn’t lose her.
The ripping gusts shrieked, creating a white noise that strangely calmed me. Moni came up behind me and tugged my arm, wrapping me inside her torso, pulling me away as I fought her.
“Moni! She is there. Do you see her?”
“Isla—”
“She’s right there!”
“No more. Stop it! Dangerous!” But she couldn’t help herself either. She kept her grip on my arm as she looked over her shoulder. She too had to see her, as if there were no chance of it being real otherwise.
The girl was curled up, like a stone sitting under the large pine. Lightning hissed in the sky, illuminating the outline of the tree’s height and her dark head. She twitched and curled herself up even tighter.
Mom suddenly appeared, flashlight in hand, her eyes squinting from wetness. She lurched back when she saw what was under the pine, as if a pest had encroached upon her feet. With her arms crossed, she stood silent, examining what lay so still.
Tornado sirens blared. Even as the atmosphere blackened, I could see the alarmist, motherly hairs rising up all over her.
