“I’ve never kissed anyone with a lip ring before,” I say. The words slip out before I consider how stupid they sound.
But Dex smiles. “You’ve kissed me.”
My cheeks grow warm. “Well, besides you.”
He leans in. The seconds become minutes. Then his lips are on mine, and time no longer exists. There’s just his mouth on my mouth, my fingers in his hair. Dex squeezes my thighs, and I wrap my legs around him, locking my ankles and drawing him in until I feel the pressure of his hips between my legs.
When I’m kissing him, I lose a part of myself—the part that feels insecure, awkward, unsure. His kiss makes me feel powerful, and my body reacts to him instinctually. Unlike every other moment in my life, I don’t have to think about what to do; I just do it.
Too soon, Dex pulls away, leaving me breathless and hungry for more.
“And?” he says, breath tickling my neck as he nuzzles his nose into the soft spot just beneath my ear.
I can’t even remember what we were talking about. “And what?”
“And what do you think? About kissing me.”
Oh. Right.
“It’s . . .”
Euphoric. Intoxicating. Terrifying.
Just as I open my mouth, Dex’s phone rings. He reaches quickly into his pocket to silence it, then looks up at me expectantly. But there’s no way I can tell him everything that’s running through my head. There is a limit to how much embarrassment I can stand.
“Do I make you speechless, Nora Elizabeth Miller?”
“Oh my gosh,” I whisper, putting my hands on his broad chest and pushing him back so I can slide off the counter. “I should never have told you my middle name.”
“Why?” He sounds hurt. “I like it.”
I roll my eyes lightheartedly, then dart my gaze to his pocket. “Was that Michael?”
“Probably.” He slips the cell from his pocket, his eyes darting quickly across the screen. “Yeah.”
Dex steps back, and I finally catch my breath. Being near him is like being caught in a rainstorm with thunder and lightning and screaming wind—I can’t think straight, can barely feel my feet on the ground.
“He’s outside.”
Dex disappears into my bedroom, then returns with his white T-shirt on. Ambling into the living room, he starts gathering up his belongings: belt, wallet, sunglasses. Watching him, my stomach pinches.
I don’t want him to erase himself. I want to see him everywhere: eating breakfast at my kitchen table, playing Legend of Volthorn in the living room, sleeping soundly in my bed.
But soon he’s sliding his sunglasses on and moving toward the door. Maybe this is the moment where he disappears, where this fantasy I’ve been living in for the past twenty-four hours finally comes to an end.
Dex holds out his hand, and I couldn’t stop myself taking it even if I wanted to.
We walk to the door together, then onto the front steps. Michael’s black SUV is parked in the driveway, windows down, a song I don’t recognize leaking out into the afternoon air. He smiles and waves when he sees me, so I lift my hand and wave hesitantly back.
Dex takes one step down, then another, and now we’re at about the same height. Tugging my hand, he pulls me in, and his lips find mine again.
I think to be nervous that Michael can see us, but when Dex is touching me, I realize I don’t care. Anyone and everyone could see, and I’d still just want him.
“Bye, Little Monster,” he whispers against my lips.
“Bye, Dexter Owen Reid.”
Sunlight reflecting off his sunglasses, he smiles and starts down the stairs. “Don’t let Lucas hear you say that,” he says over his shoulder. “I’ll never hear the fucking end of it.”
He jumps down the last two steps, then jogs to Michael’s passenger door. Just as he opens it, two girls out for a run see him, and they nearly trip on their own designer sneakers. One squeals, reaching for the phone tucked in her arm band, and I can almost swear the other one starts to cry.
Dex flashes them a smile, then turns and gives me one last look before climbing into the SUV and closing the door. One girl has her phone out now, snapping photos erratically as Michael eases out of the driveway and starts down the road.
And standing there on my front step, feeling the emptiness Dex leaves behind, I think this might be the loneliest I’ve ever been.
chapter 16
I CLEANED MY HOUSE AGAIN after Dex left, like I could somehow purge my want for him from my veins via essential oils and elbow grease. It worked for a short time, and for one whole hour I barely thought of him, but then I realized everything was sparkling clean and lavender scented, and I still had a Dex-shaped void in my chest.
Now it’s the next day, and I’m sipping coffee, staring at the pan I made pancakes in yesterday. The void is still there, like it’s here to stay.
This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I don’t want to want him. He’s not even mine, but when I stand in my living room and look around, all I see is lack. All I see is the space he should occupy.
Margot jumps onto the counter beside me and rubs her head against my arm.
“Good morning.” I scratch her under the chin, and she purrs so loudly it makes the little bell on her collar ring. I’m reminded of how Dex petted her yesterday, of how quickly and easily she took to him, and that same hollow feeling is back in my stomach.
And I hate that feeling.
