In his own world, he was able to comfort himself by seeking out the beautiful things that the Good Lord had blessed him with, but in this place, there was nothing to calm his spirit or whet his appetite for beauty. Clive believed that this must be what hell was like.
He had been trudging for 20 minutes when he realized he was no longer angry and wished Arrow was there with him. There was a sense of safety Clive felt having somebody to go through this situation with, but it was too late now. Even if he swallowed his pride, he wasn’t sure where Arrow had gone.
Up ahead, he could see the flicker of a candle in the window of a house. It was the first place Clive had seen that seemed cozy and still in good repair. He made a beeline for the front door, not even worrying if anybody was home. Once inside, he wiped his face off with his sleeve and collapsed the umbrella. He looked around and noticed that he was in his own home. Relief swelled in his soul and he went to his favorite chair to sit down.
He allowed himself to sink into the seat and take a few cleansing breaths. The relaxing was short-lived though because he heard some shuffling going on back in their bedroom. Standing up abruptly, he followed the sound and saw the door open a crack. He peered inside and could see Mayre sobbing on the bed.
It took all his self-control to not burst in and embrace her, but something felt wrong. His entire body was telling him to burst in their bedroom and comfort her. He was convinced Mayre could sense his nervous energy but she didn’t seem to hear his heavy breathing. Using her sweater sleeve to clean her face, she stood and walked to the full-length mirror on the other side of the room. Clive watched her lift the bottom of the sweater to reveal her belly. She examined it from all angles and grabbed at the loose skin.
“Lord, why doesn’t he want me?” She sobbed. She continued to look at herself for answers and was met with no response.
It was then that Clive pushed open the door and rushed to her side. “I want you. I want you so much.” He tried embracing her but he passed right through her. She didn’t even know he was there. “I’m right here, May.” He tried again, but still no response. He glanced over at their digital alarm clock and saw it was 9 pm. Normally he was home by now. “Where am I?”
Mayre dissolved and reappeared in the bed. Clive could see a shadow of himself standing at the foot-board “Why can’t I go?” His shadow self screamed at Mayre, his past self’s face twisted in anger.
“Because SHE will be there! I can’t trust you going alone with her!”
“Nothing happened, Mayre. I don’t know what you’re worried about. This conference is instrumental to my career!”
“To YOUR career. This is destroying our marriage. You said after med school things would slow down.”
“They are slowing down.” Clive argued.
“Not even slightly. Every time I ask if you want to start trying for kids you say no because there ‘isn’t enough time’.” Mayre said bitterly.
Clive had no response.
“See. You can’t deny it.”
“I just don’t think we are ready.” Clive said reluctantly.
This scene faded and the bedroom lights turned off. Real Clive saw light shining under the door of the bathroom and cautiously walked towards it. Placing an ear to the door, he heard sobbing. His heart plummeted. He debated with himself about opening the door or not. The seconds ticked by and he didn’t know when the scene would change again so he quietly cracked the door open.
At first, he was startled because Mayre stood looking in the mirror where she could see Clive’s face clearly in the reflection. He almost pulled back into the darkness but remembered that she could not see him. She didn’t give his face a second glance or even call out to him. She simply stared at her own tear-stained face. In her hands, she was grasping something tightly. Clive opened the door all the way and stood beside his wife. He looked at her face and hoped that these tears were not because of him.
Glancing down, he saw a glimpse of a clear plastic cap. She finally looked at her hand again and opened the fist to reveal a pregnancy test. The markers on the test strip were clearly negative. She let another hopeless sob escape her lips, then sniffed loudly. In one motion she threw the test away and started the water in the sink to wash her hands. As if nothing had occurred, she went through her usual routine of doing her makeup and styling her hair. Once done, she took a deep breath and went out into the living room.
Clive followed her and saw that the shadow of himself was coming through the front door. This past version of himself was happy.
“Mayre! Guess who got tickets to see Wicked!” Past Clive held up his phone to reveal virtual tickets to the old musical.
Mayre wore a wide grin and jumped into his arms. “I’ve always wanted to see Wicked!” She squealed.
Real Clive watched all this play out and remembered the day distinctly. She had never told him about the pregnancy test or about crying. She had never breathed a word to him. Clive remembered that day as being one of the best days of his life, but Mayre remembered it as painful.
This happy scene faded again to reveal Mayre sitting on the couch speaking into the phone. “Hi, Mom.” She paused to listen to her mother respond. “I’m not okay. I lost the baby.” Mayre placed her free hand on her belly and gritted her teeth to hold back tears. “No, I didn’t tell Clive. The baby was only 13 weeks along.” She paused again. “Thanks, Mom. I may go speak with Father James about it. Okay, I love you…bye.”
She ended the call and placed the phone on the side table. Real Clive came and sat down beside a Mayre that didn’t acknowledge his presence. He peered into her face and could see the exhaustion, but she was still beautiful. Up close, there were a few faded freckles that peppered her nose. He always remembered liking when she would scrunch up her nose when amused about something.
“I always knew you were designed to be a perfect mother.” Clive whispered. “I never knew you were pregnant. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Mayre faded and the side table lamp dimmed to where Clive was left alone with his thoughts. The weight of what he had done fell on his unprotected heart and he sobbed into one of the throw pillows until he felt like he was all dried up. The emptiness he had seen on the faces of countless parents was now in his own heart. He sat in silence as the rain beat upon the house and allowed the thoughts in his brain to ping back and forth without acknowledging what they were about. It felt like he had static in his brain and was unable to process everything.
He had always felt justified in seeking to meet his own needs during hard times because of the great responsibility he had as a doctor. He believed that Mayre would always be there with her joyful and quirky personality to lift him up when life got hard. But that wasn’t reality. She had been suffering under her own pain for months and he hadn’t known anything about it.
If he had cared sooner, she might not have been taken and might not have lost herself.
To Clive’s surprise, the lights brightened in the living room and Mayre was back, but this time she was accompanied by Dr. Preston Winston.
“Of course, no disrespect for the research your husband has already conducted.” Preston said smoothly. “We simply believe, at Winston Wellness, that most healthcare workers are blind to the full capability of this technology.”
“Like what?” Mayre asked.
Clive felt hot coals in his belly as he noticed Mayre’s knees pointing towards Preston and her cheeks rosy with excitement. She was intrigued by Preston and Clive could feel the jealousy burning through him.
“The security measures are not as robust as they need to be. There are far more victims of this technology than necessary. Hackers can bypass many of the security features and people are turning into human vegetables.” Preston said seriously.
“That’s awful.” Mayre whispered sympathetically.
“It is.” Preston bowed his head. “That’s why I’m coming to you.” He grinned wolfishly and looked up into her inquisitive eyes. “Would you be interested in helping us with our research?”
To Clive’s surprise, Mayre smiled and nodded.
“Wonderful.” Preston said and grasped her hands. “It will be an honor to have you on our team.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
HARMONY TRIED TO find similarities between herself and Heidi, but the government had done an amazing job transforming her from Heidi to Harmony all those years ago. It just didn’t seem to make any sense. The two women couldn’t be more different.
