***
The familiar winding roads gave Pat plenty of time to rehearse what he was going to say. If he was honest with himself, he had had 3 months to rehearse. Now that the day was upon him, he mentally thumbed through possible phrases or apologies like he was running a race.
“Jesus, please give me the words to say.” Pat prayed aloud as he turned into the driveway leading up to a massive courtyard containing several brick buildings.
It was Sunday so nobody was outside working and the place looked much more barren than it had last time he had been here. He parked in the roundabout in front of the rehab facility and stepped out of his car. The closing of his door echoed in the silence and he looked around to regain his bearings. Spotting the chapel, he began to walk towards it.
When he was halfway there, the door sprung open and congregants poured out all talking and laughing. One of the men holding the door open was Zion, and Pat felt his heart fall out of his body. He stopped mid-stride debating if he should do this. He was certain that Zion wouldn’t forgive him and he didn’t want to have to face that ultimate rejection.
Pat was about to turn around when he saw Zion’s eyes fall on him. He took a moment to stare at Pat as if he didn’t understand what he was seeing, then recognition flashed across his face. Zion began speaking with a man who had just walked out the door and the man nodded to accept the job of holding open the door.
Now that Zion was freed of his duties, he began to stride purposefully toward Pat and then began running at full speed until he collided with Pat hugging him tightly. Pat’s arms hung awkwardly at his sides as he expected Zion to transition from hugging to strangling. When this didn’t happen, he reciprocated the hug by wrapping his lanky arms around Zion’s stocky torso.
“It’s so good to see you.” Zion said, his voice choked with emotion.
“It’s good to see you, too.” Pat said honestly.
Zion let go of Pat and looked into his face with a warm smile he felt like he didn’t deserve. “Would you like to join me for lunch?”
“I…” Pat wanted to but he didn’t feel like he deserved to be treated like a guest. “I would but are you sure?”
“Yes.” Zion said firmly. “You came all this way.”
Pat followed Zion into the main house and they took their meal to a secluded spot in the house with two overstuffed leather armchairs and a side table with a stained glass reading lamp on it. Pat watched Zion closely and moved his food around the plate.
When Zion seemed settled, Pat said, “I’m sorry for what I did, Zion.” Zion’s expression was blank as if he didn’t seem to understand what Pat was saying. Pat took a deep breath and added, “What I did to Rachel. I’m sorry.”
Zion set down his plate of food on the side table, sympathy in his eyes. “I forgive you, Pat.”
“How??” Pat demanded. “I see what happened in my memories over and over again. The evil I did against you when you were nothing but kind to me…”
Pat trailed off and looked down at his plate.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Zion recited. “What’s done is done and it can’t be reversed but I don’t hold any malice against you, by the grace of God.”
Pat looked up and saw the ghost of a reassuring smile on Zion’s face. “I’m undeserving of all I’ve been given. I know this now. After being freed from that evil, I haven’t had any hallucinations or nightmares, or blackouts. The Lord saved me, Zion.”
“Praise God.” Zion breathed, his face glowing with true happiness. “What is going to happen to Sherwood Servers?”
“I signed over the rights to the company to Theresa. We had a long conversation and she wants to continue to further my father’s legacy. There’s a lot of cleaning up to do after Preston, but she seemed excited by the challenge.”
“What happened with Preston breaks my heart.” Zion shook his head. “We had been friends for a long time but I had no idea the hold that Satan had over his heart and mind.”
“Nobody knew. He hid it really well.” Pat said simply. He didn’t want to think anymore about Preston. The memory of their conversation in his office haunted Pat and it would take some time for him to fully recover from the trauma.
“So, what’s next for Patrick Sherwood?” Zion asked.
“I’m going to turn myself in. I’ve been running from what I’ve done but, the Lord has been working on my heart and I know I need to give the families of those women closure.”
Zion nodded but didn’t say anything.
“You may not see me for a while, which is why I wanted to come visit before I gave myself up.”
“We have a prison ministry through this facility. If they do sentence you, I will come visit as often as I can.” Zion reassured him. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way but I know God will be honored by you coming forward. Even though God forgives, man-made law is not designed to be so merciful.”
Pat swallowed hard, feeling fear fluttering in his chest at the thought of being in prison. His fear did not change the fact that he knew it was the right thing to do.
“How do you cope with losing your wife?” Pat asked suddenly.
Zion looked thoughtful then said, “The only one that gets me through it is God. I go to him every moment and pray for peace. I still cry about her often, though. I still miss seeing her every day. I miss doing life with her.”
Pat tried to ignore another twinge of guilt in his heart. “I feel the same about Justice, but I guess she was never real.”
On the day he was freed from the demon’s grasp, he remembers waking to Justice standing over him. All he could do was mingle his tears with hers and kiss her until he was tired. They had spent an entire 48 hours together but she was gone after that. He had hoped that the sacrifice of Rachel would enable Justice to stay in his world but that was the devil talking in his messed-up brain. This final loss of Justice is what it took for Pat to finally find God.
“I think my subconscious created Justice to help me cope with my Mother taking her own life.” Pat said sadly. “I don’t know how to reconcile that knowledge with what I thought I knew.” He set his plate of food down next to Zion’s and they sat in companionable silence.
Finally, Zion said, “This is beyond my knowledge of our world but I will say this— God knows intimately what you went through even if no human being understands. You can be confident that he has his hands in every part of this situation. That doesn’t change the hurt or the grief, but it does help you to carry that burden better.”
Zion stood and walked over to hug Pat. Pat stood and hugged him back.
For the rest of Pat’s visit, they chatted about ministry, favorite foods, and family. It was only for 2 hours but it felt like an eternity and Pat was grateful for it. When he walked out into the courtyard, the sun was still bright but low in the sky. The only sounds that could be heard were a few cars driving by and a gentle breeze picking up a few stray leaves that hadn’t decomposed yet.
“It is an honor to know you.” Zion said, giving him a final hug before he left.
“You might be the only one that feels that way.” Pat joked.
“Even better. Everybody else doesn’t know what they’re missing. God bless you, Pat. I hope our paths cross again.”
