“I appreciate your honesty, My Lord. I will agree to your terms. I would like to keep my position as governess in your household. You may not have realized this, but I rely on your employment.
With no family to turn to and no formal education besides the knowledge my father imparted, I have few choices at my disposal. The distant cousin who inherited the bookstore from my father had no use of a ward,” she said, speaking from the heart in the hopes that her words would reach him and convey her true intentions.
“I understand your predicament.” He leaned back in his chair and ran his hand over the light layer of stubble that had begun to form on his chin.
“I must ask you something else in return, My Lord.” She worked up the courage to address the situation as tactfully as she could.
Benedict gave her a curious glance and nodded for her to continue.
“Given the fact that I have been honest with you and pledged my loyalty to your household, I would like you to tell me the full story of what happened on the day you discovered your parents’ bodies.” Her breathing quickened as she waited for his response.
The worst he could do was deny her request or change his mind and throw her out. Yet she couldn’t help the pull of curiosity that had often got her into trouble in the past.
He shot her a look that could have easily been mistaken for admiration. “Very well, since I know how much is at stake for you here, it is only fair that you know what and who you are pledging your loyalty to.” His eyes fell on the journal on the desk before a flicker of hurt became visible in his eyes.
Livinia briefly regretted bringing the topic up when it caused him so much pain, but it was only natural for her to be curious now that she was so deeply ingrained in the situation.
“As you read in the journal, my parents were found deceased, for lack of a better word. Upon first glance, it seemed like an accident. I don’t think that any of us would automatically consider murder.
Then again, the shock of stumbling upon such a scene would render anyone in a state of confusion. It wasn’t until later that I began to question whether any of it was an accident.” His eyes remained on the journal with a dull aching as he rubbed his forefinger and thumb together.
“Forgive me for asking, My Lord, but where were their bodies found?” She searched his face for a reaction, hoping he wouldn’t accuse her of being too forward.
Benedict met her gaze as if he were unsure of how to answer her question. “I do not wish the answer to your question to put you off in any way. My parents’ bodies were found in this room, with one of the bookshelves covering their bodies. It seemed at the time as if one of the shelves had fallen on them; the weight of the books combined with the wood would have been sufficient to knock them out …”
“But not to kill them,” Livinia swallowed hard, glancing around the room she had been using for the past week and a half. The room felt more eerie somehow. She had spent a few evenings alone in the study but never imagined that anything sinister had ever taken place.
“My sister was informed of our parents’ passing without the added detail of the location. Do you understand how that would have affected her if she knew?” He reached for the journal and fidgeted with a few of the loose scraps of parchment that had come loose.
No wonder he never wanted to be in here.
His rule with the fire had been a way of discouraging anyone from spending more time than what was necessary in the study. Lady Theodora had never shown even the slightest indication that she knew.
“It wasn’t until after the funeral that I started to ask questions. The bookshelves, as you have seen, are quite firmly built. It takes a great deal of effort even for me to shift them around.” He gestured to the room at large.
“Do you think more than one person was involved if it wasn’t an accident?” Her eyes travelled around the room, taking the mahogany bookshelves in with greater detail. The wood was solid and reached the ceiling with very little space on top. Whoever had built them had done so with the intention for them never to move.
As was usually the case in large houses such as the Sheffield Manor, the bookshelves ran along the study’s walls with many heavy volumes of leatherbound ledgers. She could see how one falling on her or even Lady Theodora would cause a significant amount of damage, perhaps a few breaks and cuts. Were they that heavy that they would cause the loss of life? The question began to puzzle her, rolling around in her mind like a pebble.
“There was a time when I endeavoured to question all those in the house. But you can imagine how difficult that was in a house as large as this. One person only led to the suspicion of another.” How he spoke to her almost felt like he considered her a friend and confidant.
The thought made her heart flutter in her chest. His passion for finding answers only made her admire him more and see him in a different light.
“The servants began leaving one after the other when it became evident that the matter would not be laid to rest. After a year, only Thomas stayed on as butler and footman. He plays a large role in keeping the running of the house in order.” The kind way he spoke about the man made Livinia wonder if she hadn’t been too harsh in judging Thomas. He had, after all, stayed on when others had chosen to leave.
“I can imagine how difficult all that must have been for you.” Livinia almost caught herself reaching across the desk for his hand but quickly reminded herself of her position. This was the man who employed her, not a friend or even someone she could see as her equal.
“It was and still is.” He seemed to snap out of the daze that had consumed his mind. “I’ve spent most of my waking hours since then trying to find some small piece of the puzzle that will lead me to an answer. I’m afraid that I cannot rest until I know that our lives are no longer in danger.” He ran the tips of his fingers over the spine of his journal as if it would present him with an answer.
Of course.
If it were true that his parents had been murdered, then there was always the possibility that the earl and Lady Theodora were at risk. Without a motive or explanation, there would always be the question and fear. She felt as if she had stumbled upon a core truth that drove the earl.
What must it have been like to live every day of a person’s life in fear? She didn’t blame him for locking himself and his sister away behind the doors. She more than likely would have fled the country if she had been in his shoes, but life wasn’t so simple for an earl.
A man like Benedict couldn’t just pack up and leave when things like estates, money, and obligations existed. Finding someone to run the house in his stead would only have added more questions of trust.
“Obviously, I can tell you all this because you were not present back then. I suspect Thomas knows that the matter has never been put to rest, but he has never uttered a word to me on that score.” He looked at her thoughtfully and Livinia could see the faintest amount of suspicion in his eyes.
“I can assure you, My Lord. Not only was I not present back then, but my whereabouts can be traced without question. I worked in my father’s bookstore and then immediately started in my position as governess after that.” She lifted her chin confidently and held his gaze. She would do all that was possible in her power to gain his trust.
“Thank you, Miss Campbell. It is truly difficult to know who to trust, as you can imagine. It has been a long time since I’ve spoken out loud on the matter.” Benedict seemed truly grateful as the corner of his mouth hooked up into the faintest of smiles.
Livinia found herself wondering what he would look like if he smiled. How would the curling of his lips affect the masculine and sometimes harsh appearance of his rugged face? Her skin felt strangely warm as the moment drew on.
What is he thinking when he looks at me like that?
She allowed her imagination to wander off again briefly, imagining the sound of his laughter on a warm summer’s day. The sensual way he ran his finger over his lip made her shiver in delight. His breath had mingled with hers in her room and had created an intoxicating sensation that had penetrated her dreams. Was this what it felt like to swoon?
She recalled how other young women had spoken of men they fancied, but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that she would feel the same. She was the daughter of a simple bookseller born in London. The middle-class upbringing taught her never to have ambitions above her station. Then again, there wasn’t any harm in thinking of someone as good-looking when they were.
“I suspect that Lady Theodora and Thomas will be back soon. So, if you would excuse me, there are a few things that I need to see to before their return.” He broke her train of thought, making her fidget slightly with guilt.
“Of course, I still need to lay out the lesson plans.” She stood along with Benedict and waited for him to make his way to the door.
Pausing with his fingers on the handle, Benedict spoke without looking back. “I hope you understand now what a precarious situation you find yourself in.” His words hung in the air before he opened the door and left.
The air in the room seemed cooler as Livinia looked around at the rows of shelves that made up the entirety of the wall space. What happened on that day? Even she had to admit the chances of one of the shelves actually killing anyone were slim at best.
