Her mother sighed loudly and pushed her spectacles further up her nose. “No,” she replied sardonically. “You don’t see the beauty in anything, do you?”
I do, she thought. It is only that I cannot express it.
They rode in silence for a while, and slowly but surely, the greenery around them became richer and more cared for. Theo felt the heaviness in her heart weigh her down further. Oh, how she longed to be curled with her feet beneath her, the fire roaring as she slipped into a novel and disappeared from the world.
“It’s only a shame your sisters couldn’t come,” her father mused after a while. “But alas, their education is important.”
“And mine is not?” Theo asked though she knew her formal education was coming to a close, and she would continue with her etiquette training in preparation for her coming out into the ton.
“Do you always have to be so argumentative, Theo? At a time like this! You know all this travel is no good for my nerves.”
“Then perhaps we oughtn’t to come again,” Theo suggested with an insolent glare.
“It would be so delightful if you could set a good example for your younger sisters, Theodora,” her father continued. “They do look up to you so much.”
Theo shook her head. Her sisters looked up to her far too much, in her opinion, and her parents relied on her excessively. “I don’t think you realize what a burden it is to be the eldest of three girls,” she said. “When I am not expected to entertain them, I am expected to guide and teach them. But surely that is not my role in this family. I am not their mother nor their governess, and neither do I ever intend to be.”
“Theodora, please!” her mother cried. “I really—”
But before she could say more, the carriage jolted. It was not the normal roughness of before but a physical jolt, throwing all three of them across the carriage. The countess let out a blood-curdling scream, her arms out to protect herself and her family. It was her worst fears coming to life.
But the carriage righted itself, falling back onto its two wheels with a thud. The earl, with a hand to his chest, let out a sigh of relief that was, in part, a half-laugh. “Goodness me. We’re safe now.” He forced a smile onto his face. “You see, darling? Nothing to worry about.”
Even Theo’s heart had begun to race, and she clutched onto the seat for dear life. The ride had never before been so uneven, and if she did not know better, she would have thought the coachman an inept fool. They may have returned to four wheels, but even now, the journey was far from smooth.
“Dear, sweet Lord, please save us,” the countess muttered, her eyes raised to the heavens. Theo would have laughed at her sudden piety were it not for the fear in her own heart. Instead, she looked at each of her parents in turn and cemented the image of them in her mind. Though she tended toward insolence and disagreement, she loved them dearly and wanted to hold on to them for as long as she possibly could.
“It’s fine,” the earl said with another uneasy chuckle. “Everything is all right now. We’re safe and look—we're almost there.”
Theo looked out of the window and was, to her surprise, relieved to see Winterheath looming ahead. She let out her breath and smiled. “You see, Mother,” she said. “We’ll be drinking tea before you—”
***
“Theodora! Theo, my darling girl!”
Everything was black, dark, and Theo groaned as the hands under her arms pulled her from the wreck. Her mouth felt thick, like it was stuffed with cotton, and every single part of her ached. She opened her eyes slowly, the light painful.
“Wh… what happened?” she croaked. The Earl of Kingsbury towered above her, his face a picture of sheer panic.
“The carriage toppled,” he said quickly. “Are you all right? Does anything hurt?”
“Everything hurts,” she managed.
He scooped her up in his arms and whisked her from the wreck. Pain shot through her with every movement, and she dared not look back at the disaster that had struck them.
“Mother…” she managed, but the words were difficult, and she cleared her throat.
Lord Kingsbury lowered her onto the ground as gently as he could, then stroked her hair from her face. He looked down at her with such concern and love that she herself began to panic.
“My lord, what—”
“My men are doing everything they can to pull them out. The carriage turned over completely. I’ve never seen anything like it, dear girl. It must have hit something or… I…”
He trailed off and glanced in the direction of the crash. His brow was deeply furrowed, a dark shadow across his features, and the ball of anxiety in Theo’s chest deepened still.
No, please. Don’t let it be true.
She jumped when Lord Kingsbury screamed, his voice ripping across the gardens, across the disaster. Across the noise and fuss of the men trying to save her parents.
No, no, no. Not now, not after all I said to them in the carriage.
“Anelle!” Lord Kingsbury screamed again. “Anelle!”
His wife ran over and landed on her knees beside them, all care for her delicate gown gone. With a strange calmness, Theo thought she had never seen Lady Kingsbury so emotional before. The woman was normally a master of hiding her feelings, a queen in the world of propriety and correctness.
“Oh, Theodora,” Lady Kingsbury muttered. She twisted, so that she sat with her legs in front of her, then she gathered Theo from Lord Kingsbury’s arms and cradled her head in her lap. “Go.”
Lord Kingsbury nodded. Theo knew he wanted to be with his men, to be in the thick of the rescue. He would never forgive himself otherwise.
Lady Kingsbury stroked Theo’s hair, rocking her gently back and forth. Despite herself, Theo allowed herself to be lulled into believing all was well, that this was normal. It was probably the shock or the pain—or, most likely, both, but her mind wouldn’t allow her to grasp the true severity of the situation.
“It’s going to be all right,” Lady Kingsbury whispered as she rocked, the words repeated over and over again. “It’s going to be all right, Theo, my darling. It’s going to be all right.”
Theo looked up at her. The lady’s eyes were filled with tears, not quite spilling over onto her cheeks.
“I’m going to look after you, darling girl, and your sisters. No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you.”
Nothing will happen, Theo told herself.
