Sensing his misstep, Clay continued, “But I’m really glad you came. Thank you.”
She relaxed, then regarded him warmly, her languid blue eyes open and honest. “We wanted to. What you did... I can’t begin to thank you.” Tears welled up. She told herself she wouldn’t do this. She wanted to keep her composure so she didn’t add to his concerns. “I’m glad you’ll be okay,” she said in a hushed tone.
Clay reached over to the nightstand and handed her a tissue. “Thank you for saying that. I’m not sure I had a choice. It was total instinct. To be honest, I don’t really remember much revolving around the accident. The last thing I recall is running out into the road, yelling at the driver. The next thing I know, I’m lying on the pavement with the paramedics working on me. It was all really confusing.” Clay paused and looked down, a pained expression on his face. Appearing to struggle with the murky details, his hand absentmindedly went to the side of his head where it had struck the truck fender.
Jackie leaned forward and placed her hands on the bed beside him, the tissue crumbled in them, wanting to comfort him and ease his pain. “Is there something I can get you?”
Clay let his hand fall to the bed, inadvertently coming to rest over Jackie’s hands. She gasped faintly and looked down, then up at him. His eyes came to rest on hers. With a barely perceptible nod and a confident smile, he tightened his hand gently over hers. “I’m fine, thank you.” She returned the pressure and smiled back, something unspoken passed between them—a mutual acknowledgement that they enjoyed the connection. Jackie sat back and relaxed after he released her hands. Something about him calmed her.
Clay raised his eyebrows slightly as he fidgeted with his shirt. The ECG reported a slight increase in his heart rate.
“I hope taking off work today wasn’t too much of an imposition,” Clay prompted.
“I spoke to my assistant on the way over. He’s rearranged my schedule,” Jackie replied.
“You have an assistant? What do you do?”
“I work for a local marketing firm. They just made a partner.” Jackie added that last bit with a nod and a smile.
“Congratulations.” Clay glanced down to her left hand—no ring. He wanted to risk a question, but it had to be worded deftly. “Elena’s father must be proud.” He grimaced, immediately embarrassed by his obvious clumsiness.
Jackie looked up with an equally pained expression, her arms lifted to cross over her front. She shrugged as she spoke. “Her father isn’t a part of our life. We split right after college.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t be. We are better off without him,” Jackie replied coolly. “You mentioned earlier that you were divorced, right?”
Clay rested his hands in his lap and crossed his ankles. “Yeah. Leslie left a few years ago.”
“What happened?”
“Shortly after we were married, I left a good job as an engineer to start the landscape company. The change caused a rift between us.”
“Why?” she prompted, crinkling her eyebrows.
Clay reflected for a moment before answering. So many painful memories revolved around the end of his marriage. His decision to open up to Leslie about his career path had inadvertently served to reveal unsettling layers hidden within the depths of her character. Sure, Leslie had always been uptight and prissy, sometimes even downright condescending. He’d just chalked up these traits as sufferable aspects of her quirky personality mainly because, up to that point, she had been the most seductive woman he’d known. They had always gotten along great—as long as he stayed in line. But he had no idea that she’d been harboring a possessive psychosis about his image, and by extension, hers. We both concealed parts of our true selves. “Turns out I didn’t know her as well as I thought. She felt being with a landscaper was beneath her, I suppose.”
“Ridiculous. Making that kind of career change took guts.”
“Thanks.” He replied. Leslie had gotten really harsh with her many criticisms. After she left, he often second-guessed himself. But a simple fact remained—he liked the work better. Sure, there had been many unforeseen problems. For a seemingly simple business, it could be challenging and worrisome. Recently, he had been wondering if he had hung in there for the wrong reasons. But in that moment, those few kind words did more to assuage his doubts than anything else could have. For a long time, Clay had no one in his personal life to offer even the smallest dose of encouragement. “You really think so?”
“Definitely. Besides, Sally’s project is looking great so far. I’d say you have a knack for it.”
Sitting there, Clay realized that his self-doubt had isolated him in the houses of his choices for too long. Without companionship to expose him to new perspectives, he still heard Leslie’s searing insults gurgling up from his memories, over and over again. Unlike his ex-wife, he cared less about status and more about connecting with who he wanted to be. He was astonished for a moment by the simplicity of it all. A few minutes talking to Jackie had opened his eyes. Understanding this shined a light on Clay’s desire to be accepted for who he is, not to be held up to an idealized version of himself created by someone else. Relaxing with Jackie, souls bared, this understanding came as a revelation and filled him with hope.
“Means a lot to hear those words. Thank you.”
Not wanting things to get too heavy too soon, Jackie shifted gears. “Did you notice the flower beds in my front yard?”
“Sure did, they look nice.”
“We did those a few months ago. I actually enjoyed it.” Jackie shrugged and looked over to Elena.
“You say ‘we.’ Did Elena help?”
Jackie returned her attention to their conversation. “A little, I did most of it myself.”
“Nice to meet a woman who doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty.” Clay smiled and met her gaze, emboldened by the frankness of her answers and the way she regarded him, as if inviting him to ask more. He paused for a moment before continuing. No easy way to ask, better to be direct. “No stepfather to help out?”
Jackie had been anticipating this question and remained steadfast as she answered. Their eyes became locked on one another. Things slowed just a little as every tic in their facial expressions became apparent to each other. “There was. He died suddenly a few months ago. He was my fiancé, Evan.”
Elena looked up at the mention of Evan’s name, frowned, and then looked back down at the game she and Sean were tinkering with.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I should have...” Clay said.
“It’s okay. I’ve been dealing... I mean,” Jackie motioned toward Elena, “we’ve mostly been dealing with it on our own. It feels good to finally talk about it.”
Clay paused for a second, making sure to proceed gently. “What happened to him?”
“He had a sudden heart attack,” Jackie said in hushed tones.
“Was he an older man?” The TV picture on the wall across from them went fuzzy for a few seconds as if it had a loose connection.
“Not really. I mean, he was a little older than me. But he kept in really good shape. We went to a mixed martial arts gym together and did a lot of running. He just ate a horrible diet. He loved fried foods, steaks, ice cream, and all that.” Her gaze drifted and the right side of her mouth raised just a bit in a nostalgic but unemotional smile as she thought about him.
“Being a vegetarian, it must have been hard watching him eat like that,” Clay said.
“Yeah, it eventually became a point of constant contention. He reasoned that enough exercise would burn off whatever he ate. But the poor diet clogged his arteries and eventually caused the sudden heart attack.”
