“Shut up!” I reel back and smack him in the shoulder, “I can find my own guys, thank you,” I say as an unexpected laugh escapes my throat.
“Apparently…” Col brushes off his hands and leans back against the counter, “so, he’s your boyfriend?”
“No—I mean, yeah…” my shoulders slump in exasperation as despair washes over my face, “I guess…but nobody else knows.”
“Why not?” Col deadpans, clearly not impressed, “Jay’s his best friend and he’s dating Hildy,” he adds bitterly.
Yeah, I think to myself, and I hope none of my relationships start out as jacked up as theirs did…
“Bo and Jay are not me and Hildy. It’s different,” I fire back, tossing a piece of brownie in my mouth.
“You think?” he says with a roll of his eyes.
“Hildy already has enough girls crying to her about Bo. She doesn’t need me doing the same.”
Col gives me a look, “Then maybe he should quit making girls cry over him.”
I brush him off, not wanting to admit how right he is, “And Bo’s just…a lot.”
“What does a lot mean?” Col asks through hooded eyes.
“I don’t know how to tell Hildy, so I asked Bo not to tell anyone yet,” I explain, “and it was really fun because it was this big secret, you know? Hannah’s the only one I told and that was only because…” I trail off, realizing I’m about to say too much again, “anyway, when I found out I got into UCLA, everything changed. Some days he acts normal, other days he acts like a dick to me.”
His tone suddenly hardens, “What do you mean acts like a dick?”
Suddenly, I’m back in school; at lunch, in calculus, walking through the halls, Bo brushing past me like he doesn’t see me, listening to Asher Avery and whoever else vie for his attention.
A heaviness settles in my chest and I feel my chin begin to tremble, “He, uh…” I bite my lip, trying to stuff the emotions back down. I swallow hard, but it comes out as a whisper, “he acts like I don’t exist.”
Col’s jaw tightens and he looks away. He’s not saying it, but I know what he’s thinking. I recognize the way he clenches his teeth and presses his mouth together when he’s angry. I expect him to let loose on me, tell me I should’ve stayed away from Bo like he said, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he shifts his stance and takes a deep breath, “Sounds like he thinks you’re going to abandon him and he’s freaking out.”
Maybe I’m expecting too much. Bo doesn’t have girlfriends, much less secret ones. Maybe it would’ve been better for Hildy to be mad at me for sleeping with her brother than him deciding it isn’t worth it to date me in secret. Maybe it doesn’t even matter.
Because Bo doesn’t have girlfriends.
“I need to get out of here, Col,” I declare in a sudden moment of clarity, “I’m leaving for school on the other side of the country. I didn’t plan on any of this happening. I don’t want a long-distance relationship. I don’t want something tying me down here.”
“Good,” he nods with a smile, “you know I love you, Evie, and you know I’ll miss you, but I’ll put you on that plane kicking and screaming if I have to.”
“I know,” I chuckle, scraping at the tip of my fingernail.
Col scrunches up his face in skepticism, “Was there ever a question that you were leaving?”
I take a deep breath, “No, not really. And that reminds me, I’m going back to Canaan tonight instead of tomorrow. Everyone’s going to the skate park, so I’m going to try to talk to Bo. There’s a lot of stuff I need to say and I’d really like to leave on good terms and not come home to a bunch of awkwardness over the holidays.”
Col’s eyes wander around the kitchen, “Is that a good idea?” he speaks slowly, like he’s choosing his words carefully, “I’m not saying it’s right for him to ignore you, but wouldn’t it be better to just let it ride?”
“No,” I shake my head, “I have things to say to him, away from other people where he can’t pretend like I’m just Hildy’s best friend. And after that, he can do what he wants.”
I can tell Col doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t try to argue. When I hug him goodbye, he holds on longer than usual, and I let him, because part of me doesn’t want to leave. I’d rather stay at his house for the rest of the summer, but that would just be running away from my problems.
I must’ve picked a good night, though, because by the time I arrive at the skate park, Bo’s decided he likes me again.
He leans close, so that his mouth almost brushes my shoulder, “Meet me by the trails in an hour?”
His contagious smile almost makes me forget about the past few weeks, like it was all a bad dream. Maybe he was just freaking out, like Col said. Maybe he’s over it, which is why I ignore Col’s texts about picking me up later. Col hates Bo, and the last thing he wants is me falling to pieces over him—again. I get it, but like I told him, I still have things I want to say.
An hour later, as promised, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of Hannah’s Escape, watching for the familiar lights of the Circle K. As soon as I see the red and yellow sign, I raise my arm and point to the sidewalk, “Hey, can you just let me out right here.”
“Where?” Hannah furrows her brow, “Here?” Hannah veers over to the curb and slows down.
“Yeah, I told Bo I’d meet him on this side of the park.”
“For what?” she shoots me a sideways glance.
“I told him I wanted to talk to him. I can’t take it anymore—I have to get all this off my chest. And he seems to be in a good mood tonight…” I clip with a roll my eyes.
Hannah snickers and unlocks the doors, “Do you need me to wait?”
I shake my head and tuck my phone into the back pocket of my shorts, “No, it’s fine. I can get a ride with him.”
“OK,” Hannah shrugs, “text me tomorrow.”
As soon as I see Hannah’s tail lights disappear around the corner, I head back the way we came, walking a block to the east entrance of Palomino Park.
Eventually, the path dips down into the parking lot, where the park is deserted compared to the west side. It also butts up against the Wyandot Nature Preserve, a vast span of state land with miles of winding trails. I’ve been here so many times in the past couple months with Bo. He knows these woods inside and out and he’s the only reason I’ve been as far in as I have.
