The woman with the glasses dropped them. The purple beaded chain attached to them and around her neck stopped their fall, and they bounced on her ample chest.
I didn’t realize anyone still used chains on their glasses anymore. At least, not anyone under ninety, and the woman looked closer to fifty.
She got to her feet and hugged Becky tight. The extra padding of her bosom was probably the only thing that kept her glasses from being crushed beyond repair.
Becky introduced the woman as Penny and me as Nicole. I got the impression that even though many members of the group likely knew each other outside the meeting, they went by first names only anyway.
Graphic T-Shirt Man started the meeting with an update on some success he’d been having—the table and his long pants hid that he’d lost his leg during a combat deployment to Iraq. The young mom had been in a bad car accident where it took rescue crews three hours to cut her out.
Their situations were so different from mine, and yet some of the things they said—I felt like I was hearing my thoughts spoken in someone else’s voice.
And when it came to my turn, I surprised myself by sharing everything that had happened, starting with my ex-boyfriend’s attempt to frame me for his wife’s murder to former Chief Wilson trying to kill me, all the way to my more recent poisoning.
When I finished, it felt like waking up with a calm stomach after three days with the flu. I hadn’t realized how much strain it was putting on my body holding it all in and pretending like I was fine.
Penny reached over and squeezed my hand. She shared her story next, about the years of abuse she suffered from her husband until she finally got brave enough a year ago to leave. She gave my hand another squeeze at the end. “Sometimes, the most important thing is to know you’re not alone.”
I shifted in my seat to see Becky better, but she shook her head. Her jawline looked like she was clenching rocks between her teeth.
The euphoric feeling from having purged my feelings shriveled into dead weight on my chest. I’d looked at Becky between the young mom’s turn and mine, and she’d mouthed the words only if you want to. She’d been fine.
Something I said must have upset her. What if someone I’d helped put into prison had been someone she cared about? The connections in Fair Haven were as interlaced as a spider web, and twice as sticky.
I scarfed down two lemon bars and a date square before the meeting ended. If I screwed things up with Becky, I’d never learn anything from her, and it’d be awkward to return to the support group. From this single meeting, I could already see how much I needed it and how it could help me cope.
But I couldn’t keep coming if it would hurt her. My mental health wasn’t more important than anyone else’s.
We walked in silence to her car. My mom waited in my car at the edge of the parking lot. Even if Becky had done something to Vilsack, I’d probably wasted my mom’s time. At the rate I was going, not only was it unlikely I’d get any information from Becky tonight, but I’d also lose her as a potential source.
I buckled in and waited for her to do the same.
She rammed her belt buckle into the clasp. “I didn’t realize it was you.”
My hands went numb. Suddenly I wanted to take back every thought about wasting my mom’s time. Actually, I wanted to run from the car.
Thankfully, Becky and I were close to the same size. Unless she decided to run us both into a tree or off a bridge, I’d have a good chance of matching her in a fight if she attacked me. Given how big the key ring she stuck in her purse earlier was, it was a safe guess that she didn’t have a gun or a knife hidden in there as well.
And angry people often said things they wouldn’t say when they were calm. It’s why my parents always tried to push the buttons of people they needed information from.
“Who was me?” Arg. That came out a lot less articulate than I intended. Maybe my nerves weren’t quite as under control as I’d have liked.
“Chief Wilson.” She seemed to choke on the name.
Crap. Double crap. If she was related to Chief Wilson, she might be capable of pulling a crazy stunt that would end up with me dead. Worse, she wouldn’t do it tonight. She’d plan it out and be methodical about it. I’d never be able to sleep again. Or eat anything I hadn’t prepared myself…from freshly purchased food.
The car felt like it was moving even though we hadn’t left the parking lot yet.
Becky jammed her keys at the ignition, missed, then hit it the second time. She peeled out of the parking lot, her tires skidding slightly. That certainly wasn’t like Chief Wilson. It also wasn’t like the controlled Becky I’d driven here with.
My head cleared. This didn’t feel like anger directed at me. This was anger directed somewhere else, the kind that exploded everywhere because it couldn’t hit the target it wanted.
“I think you should pull the car over,” I said in my calmest voice. It didn’t even sound like me.
My mom was probably already on the phone to the police given how erratically Becky was driving.
Becky actually followed my directions. She pulled the car off onto the shoulder, put on her four-ways, and rested her head against the steering wheel. “You’re not the only one in the group that Chief Wilson hurt.”
For a second, my body felt like we’d hit something. Or like something rammed into my chest hard enough to push the air out of my lungs.
Surely he couldn’t have tried to kill other people. He’d only attacked me because I discovered what he’d done to my Uncle Stan and what he planned to do to his wife.
She lifted her face to me. Her eyes were dry, and she didn’t seem to be fighting tears the way I’d expected. Her expression made me think that was because she’d cried herself out long ago.
“He wouldn’t file rape charges because the woman who reported it was dating the man who raped her. And Penny’s husband.” Her hands closed and released, closed and released around the wheel. “Chief Wilson knew. Penny went to him for help years ago, but her husband was one of his officers, and he told her that she was lying and that no one would believe her if she tried to slander a good man. Even now that she’s out of his house, she’s still afraid every day. Since he retired, he’s been following her and leaving messages on her answering machine about how she has to come back to him.”
The tears I wanted to cry for those women clogged my throat. To be hurt and have no one listen to you, no one defend you. For all the other ways my parents let me down, they would have destroyed the career of anyone who tried to do that to me.
I could believe every word Becky had said. Chief Wilson had covered up everything in his town that he thought might hurt his run for county sheriff. He wanted Fair Haven to seem like an Eden, and all thanks to his leadership and guidance.
A car passed us on the other side of the road, its lights blazing into Becky’s car. Even partly blinded from the flash, I recognized it. My mom. She really had been the right choice for this all along. Mark would have charged in prematurely out of fear that something would happen to me. My mom was better at gauging when to wait.
“Thank you,” Becky said, “for finally making sure Chief Wilson couldn’t hurt anyone else.”
It was praise I didn’t deserve. I hadn’t been thinking about anyone but myself at the time. “I was trying to get justice for my uncle. Chief Wilson killed him.”
Becky pulled the car back onto the highway. “I think justice is all most of us want. That, and a chance to start over.”
Justice and a chance to start over.
