“Our girl is a safe driver, and the seatbelt is meant to hold her in.” My father
kissed my mother on the cheek and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes lit
up at whatever he said.
“You’re right. She is a good girl,” my mother said, stroking my hair.
“Great. Shall we go for a ride?” He handed me the keys and swept the bow
to the ground.
After the customary checking out all the controls, I clicked my seatbelt and
asked, “Where to?”
“Wherever the road takes us!” he joked. Leaning out of the car, he called to
my mother, “Are you sure you won’t join us, Hill?”
“No, no, you two enjoy,” she responded.
“Head North,” he cried, and we were off.
I pulled out of the driveway and relived that day. Instead of taking the Interstate and arriving at our destination much faster, my father taught me how the coastal
roads were energizing. It may have taken extra time, but the view of the ocean
and the salt air whipping through my hair washed away all thoughts. There was
nothing but the moment.
Driving down Coast Highway towards Carlsbad State Beach, I played the
beach music that was gifted with the car. I could almost hear my father belting
out a plea for Rhonda to save his broken heart. When I arrived at our favorite spot, I sat in the car, just staring at the ocean.
I was scared if I left the vehicle I would lose a piece of him. He’s already gone. You can’t lose him again, Caitlyn.
Forcing myself to face my fears, I walked towards the water. My heart was
heavy, and my head filled with the unleashed tears drowning me.
Dipping my toes in the water, I heard a small voice cry out, “It is too cold,
Daddy.”
A male voice responded, “Dip your toes in, little one. You’re entering the magical home of mermaids and the king of the sea.”
I heard the joyous laughter from my small self as he lifted and dipped my toes until I was comfortable enough to splash on my own. I would never hear his
strong words of encouragement again. Before I could stop myself, a tear flowed
down my face, and soon, I was sobbing uncontrollably.
When I finally composed myself, the sky was filled with the purple and orange hues of the sunset. I slowly breathed in and out, releasing my tension.
Today, I said goodbye. I would not let myself lose control like this again. I would be the strong daughter he thought I was. I would make him proud.
Three
By the time I pulled into the driveway, my home was dark. Entering
through the garage, I found my mother sitting at the kitchen table with a
stack of papers. The glow from the stove light gave her a ghostly
reflection.
“Good, you’re home,” she said, quickly shoving the papers into an envelope.
“We need to talk.”
“Is it about your appointment today?” I asked nervously.
“Yes, please sit.” She patted the table. As soon as I sat down, she was up getting food out of the fridge. “Let me warm this up for you. You must be hungry.”
