It took a while to do it without the anger, and Colten has been an incredible source of help, but we still have a long way to go. I can currently shake small objects, but I haven’t been able to unleash the full intensity of it since that day.
The guys think it’s from a fear I’m holding onto, but I’m not sure if that’s the truth. It’s partially the fear of the unknown, but I’m also worried about unleashing my full potential when we aren’t even sure what I’m capable of.
I feel the pull of the power inside of me every time we test it. It wants to be unleashed, but I stomp it down because I’m afraid that unleashing it will somehow sway my mind and heart from good.
They don’t know that I am purposely holding back and part of me feels guilty for not telling them, but at the same time they will just tell me I’m good and it’s okay and I just don’t know how to explain it to them.
That’s what brings me to this moment, sitting on my bed and staring at David’s number. I need to talk to someone other than the guys. Someone who won’t let their feelings for me cloud their judgement.
“Hello,” David answers the phone, his voice gruff and slightly irritated.
I don’t even know what time it is where they are, I just chose to call now because the guys haven’t come down here yet.
“Mr. Renald, it’s Harleigh.”
“Ah, Ms. Roe. Is everything alright?” he asks.
Loaded fucking question. “Not really, no.”
“What’s going on?” he asks me more alert, the irritation in his voice immediately replaced with concern.
“Bry told you about what happened a couple weeks ago in the gym, right?” I know he did, but I need to ease into this somehow.
“You having the power of telekinesis? Yes. What about it?”
“We train almost every night, and the guys are teaching me how to control it, and it’s helpful. It really is, but I’m hiding something from them,” I tell him, my heart and voice filled with agony.
“Why is that? You need to be open with them, and with me. What are you hiding?” He sounds upset with me, so I rush to explain.
“They think I haven’t been able to bring back the intensity of the power since that day, but I feel it fighting to get free every time. I just refuse to let it out.”
“Do you know the reason why?” he asks, his voice gentling once again.
“Because I’m scared it will overpower me. Change me in a way I don’t want to change,” I say in a small voice.
David is silent for a moment, and if I couldn’t hear his breathing I would think he had hung up.
“You’re afraid of what it will do to you.” He reads between the lines.
“Yes,” I agree with him.
“And why haven’t you told Brian and Colten this, Harleigh?” he asks me point blank, and I sniff trying to hold back the tears.
“Because I’m afraid their feelings will cloud their judgement. I need to know if releasing my full potential will make me change for the worse,” I tell him honestly.
“Harleigh, dear, your powers do not make you good or evil. How you feel inside is what makes you choose either path. Do you feel evil or bad?” he asks in a soft voice.
“No, not any more than I did before,” I answer truthfully.
“Then you will be alright. If we thought you were evil in any way, Brian wouldn’t have been assigned to you. Believe in yourself, Ms. Roe,” he says before continuing. “That being said, I am glad you called. Brian said you are all staying in the dorms over the break?” he asks for confirmation.
“Yes, sir. We want to train, and try to figure out what I’m capable of.”
“Good. I will fly down tomorrow and spend a few days there. I want to help you figure out your life force powers, but it’s not something you kids should do alone.”
“O—okay.”
“You have control over them, that we already know. But you don’t know how to use them, and it is a life skill you should know, and will need to know for second year. I have to go. Tell Brian I will see him tomorrow. And Harleigh? Trust the guys and yourself, and talk to them about this before I get there.” And he hangs up the phone.
Trust in myself. Right. I can do that.
By the time David arrives, I’ve told Colt and Bry everything about how I’ve been feeling and holding back.
They weren’t happy to know I was keeping the fear inside when I could have had their help, but they understood where I was coming from with it.
“Bry, I’m really freaking out,” I tell him as I pull my sleeves down into my hands as a nervous gesture.
“Why? What’s wrong, beautiful?” he asks. His face filled with concern.
“I really love you.”
“You’re nervous because you love me?” He looks confused.
“No, it just slipped out when you looked all concerned for me.”
He smiles and gives me a quick kiss while we wait for Colten to join us.
