I smiled. “Then nobody saw you. They saw a prince, yes, but they think they saw Anwir. Maybe he’ll just have to cut his hair short again. He’s been lying for most of his life, I’m sure he can manage a few more. He can pretend he made me… immortal.”
Idris’ stared and stared. “How can you stand it?”
“Stand what?” My brow furrowed.
“You didn’t want this. You told me so yourself. You didn’t want to be immortal, or to be bound to me. You wanted to go home. I did this to you, so how can you sit here and think of ways to protect me?”
“You didn’t do this to me, Idris. Maelgwyn did. You saved my life. It seems to be becoming a habit.”
Finally, he smiled. A small, sad smile, but it was an improvement. Something purred to life in my chest, something glowing and warm, only to be extinguished a moment later. Was it any wonder he didn’t want to smile at me? I was a burden, always ending up in situations that forced him to risk his life for me. Now I’d gone one step further and gotten myself killed. He’d had no choice but to waste his precious, one-time gift of immortality on me, when it should have been treasured and saved, waiting for someone he could love. He hadn’t been able to use it on Jane or Taryn, but there would eventually be someone else worthy of his affection. I was under no illusions that one kiss was enough to secure that position for me. I’d cost him the chance to spend eternity with someone who made him happy. Now he was bound to me forever. I didn’t understand exactly what that meant, but I knew it couldn’t be a good thing. Tears burnt in my eyes again. I’d ruined everything.
“Idris.” I didn’t care that my voice wavered, only that he must despise the sound of it. “I didn’t want—”
“I know. I know, Aliza. I know you wanted to go home, but I couldn’t let you die like that. I couldn’t let this be the end. I don’t want it to be the end.” His gaze was pleading, begging me to understand. He’d mistaken my meaning, but his was clear. He blamed himself for this mess as much as I blamed myself. He didn’t hate me.
What would happen when he discovered the throne, which had been in his family for thousands of years, had abandoned his bloodline in favour of me? Would that be the end? Would he hate me then?
“It’s not,” I insisted, mostly for my own benefit. If I said it firmly enough, I might start believing it. “After they caught me, it was game over. I wasn’t seeing my parents or my friends again whatever happened. I am glad you gave me another chance at life. Obviously, I wish I could’ve gone home, even just one last time, but…” The tears that had threatened to resurface since I’d stemmed them finally spilled over, trailing down my cheeks as the truth walloped me straight in the chest. I would never see Mum and Dad again. I was dead to them. They would never have answers. They were forever out of my reach. “I wanted you to come. Even when they tied me to that pyre, I didn’t give up hope. When the flames started, I thought-I thought it was too late. I thought I was going to die. Compared to that, being young and beautiful forever isn’t so bad.”
“You forgive me, then? You don't hate me?”
“Not even a little bit. There’s nothing to forgive, Idris.”
His shoulders sagged in evident relief. “We’ll find a way to make this work, I swear. I know you didn’t want to stay, but I’ll find you a home, if you don’t want to stay at Nairsgarth. I’ll get you anything you need. We’ll figure this out. And, Aliza…” He lowered his eyes, frowning at our entwined hands. “I know you didn’t want to be bound to anyone, but please, don’t worry. This bond, it doesn’t mean anything. We can ignore it.”
After all that had happened, this blossoming friendship, that kiss, dying and being reborn, losing my parents... the cold, sharp knife twisting in my gut cut deepest. Of course it didn’t mean anything. As if I’d think otherwise.
“Nothing at all,” I whispered, glad that he refused to look me in the eye. Glad that he wouldn’t see the new wave of unexpected tears welling there. “Everything's going to be fine.”
His expression, though pained, softened slightly as he finally looked up. “You are the most relentlessly positive person I have ever met, do you know that? You deserved better than what happened to you.”
“Everybody deserves better than that,” I said, my skin icing over at the reminder. “Except maybe your uncle.”
That momentary softness faded into darkness. Pure fury rolled off Idris in palpable waves. “I swear to you, he will suffer worse. For everything he has done to you and Taryn, he will pay tenfold.”
I will hunt down your prince. There will be no mercy this time.
I couldn’t let this happen. I couldn’t have Idris anywhere near Maelgwyn, not when the laws preventing blood relatives from seizing the throne through violence no longer applied. Idris had abdicated, and the throne had chosen me. Maelgwyn knew it. Knew he was free to slaughter his nephews without the repercussions of some ancient law. But if the princes didn’t put a stop to him, who would? How many innocent people would suffer a fate worse than mine? I couldn’t allow that, either.
There could be only one possible outcome to this mess. Maelgwyn had to die.
My fingers tightened around Idris’, and despite myself, I reached for his other hand, too. He allowed me to take it without question or hesitation.
“Is this it, then?” I breathed, hardly daring to voice the words aloud. “Are we at war?”
Playing Anwir’s game had been easier when I had a home to go to afterwards. Now, whether I liked it or not, I was a resident of Neath. I was no longer a smiling, simpering mascot; I was the heir to an ancient, powerful throne that I didn’t want, but had little choice but to fight for. A throne guarded by a bloodthirsty monster.
This wasn’t supposed to be my life.
“You need not have any part in it. I can take you back to Nairsgarth. You’ll be safe there.”
Nowhere was safe, not anymore. It never had been; it had only ever been an illusion. I shook my head. “I’m the Human Queen, remember? You all need me.”
Idris’ eyes flickered over my face, his lips parting as he squeezed my hands. Was it my imagination, or did he lean in closer? He drew in a breath, as though he was about to say something.
I waited, the air trapped in my lungs, but instead of speaking, he rose to his feet, steadying me as he guided me to mine. My legs shook but took my weight. Idris’ shirt skimmed my thighs, covering everything, but leaving very little to the imagination. Not that he hadn’t seen it all before as I’d paraded around Nairsgarth in my little shorts.
“We do need you,” he agreed at last, “but you won’t be forced into anything. Your life is still your own, Aliza. You don’t owe any of us anything.”
“I want to help,” I insisted. I wanted to put a stop to Maelgwyn’s atrocities. I couldn’t let anyone else get hurt, or worse. There was even a tiny, foreign part of me that bayed for Maelgwyn’s blood. I wanted him to pay for what he’d done to me, to everyone else. That new part of me wanted cold, brutal revenge.
I didn’t voice that part. Idris wouldn’t judge me, but I did. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t who I wanted to be. If Maelgwyn died, it would be for the greater good, not for my own savage satisfaction.
As for the part of me that recoiled at the thought of staying behind while Idris went off to war, I didn’t voice that either. Didn’t dare let myself dwell on it, or what it might mean. I wanted to be wherever he was, whether it was a battlefield, or the sky, or even right here in this cave, high above the world. I wouldn’t even mind if he kissed me again. Not the chaste little forehead kiss, but the one that had turned my blood to bubbling, heady fairy wine and my brain to slush.
No, I wouldn’t dwell on that.
“Whatever you want, you’ll have it,” he said, his voice soft and earnest. “Name it, and it will be done. But might I make a suggestion?”
His sombre tone, his earnest expression, had my eyes widening in mild panic. “I’m listening.”
“As enticing as that outfit is…” He cleared his throat, his eyes straying south. My ears, my new, pointy ears, began to heat. How typical that such an annoying trait had transferred into my new body. “Perhaps you should go home and collect some underwear, at the very least.”
My brain short circuited, snagging on the two entirely separate but equally shocking suggestions he’d crammed into such a short sentence. Underwear? Home?
“I–what did you say?”
The bastard smirked at me, his eyes creasing, utterly delighted with himself. “I said you need some underwear. Your clothes were destroyed in the fire, and though my shirt has never looked better, I didn’t have any suitable undergarments to lend you.”
