Much to her amusement, Machi pulled a dismissive face.
āI saw the man when he came in.ā She shrugged again. āItās nothing. The party was harder, that was many of them. This is only one and he doesnāt even want to do anything.ā
She sounded like such a professional, it wasāas much as Ola fought not to admit itāa fucking shame to hear how flippant she was about it. But Ola had been like that too. They had all been like that. You couldnāt save people; this world was brutal. You did what you could where you could. At least Kalu would be alive and this child would be free afterward. Ahmed could call her sick if he liked, but he had changed nothing in anyoneās lives for the better while Ola had saved two people in one day. It was enough even if no one else thought so. She stood up and looked down at Machi. āLetās go then.ā
Machi hesitated. āThey were still doing my eyes.ā
āLet me see.ā Ola bent down and examined Machiās makeup. āOh, thatās nothing. Here.ā She took the kohl and finished the swoop in the corner of Machiās left eye. āThere you go,ā she murmured. āPerfect.ā She straightened up and Machi gazed adoringly at her. It made Ola uncomfortable. āLetās go before he gets angry again.ā
nineteen
Saturday, 10:10 PM
It was the most humiliating and devastating thing Kalu had ever done and would ever do in his life.
He knew it would follow him into his nightmares for years afterwardāthe feeling of taking his clothes off in a room full of people. Okinosho and his cruel smile, Ahmedās pained face, Olaās smooth one, Machiās expressionless mask of red mouth and lined eyes. She had taken off the robe they had put her in and was standing there naked, as if it was nothing. Her body was barely formed, a small chest, a body that was either shaved orāhe was going to believe sheād been shaved. She was seventeen; Ahmed had told him she was seventeen. It didnāt matter if she looked younger; he wasnāt doing what it looked like, not like that. And he was being coerced. If heād learned anything about consent, it was that if you werenāt safe enough to say no, your yes couldnāt count. This couldnāt count. He would die if he didnāt do it.
Kalu wondered if it was better to die rather than do it.
He had almost fought Ahmed when his friend told him what Okinosho had decided; heād almost left, but Ahmed had caught him by the shoulders, those familiar grooves.
āHe will kill you if you donāt do it,ā Ahmed had cried out, his eyes shockingly wet. He had sounded so young, just a boy in secondary school clinging to his friend, terrified. āHe will kill you, Kalu! You have no choice.ā Ahmed had pressed their foreheads together. āYou have no choice.ā
Kalu had agreed, if you could call it agreeing. And now he was pulling off his T-shirt, the air-conditioning in the room goose-pimpling his skin.
Okinoshoās eyes were greedy on him. āLie on the floor,ā the pastor commanded the girl, and Kalu winced at her obedience. āOpen your legs.ā
Ahmed looked away, which Kalu found rich. After all those parties, all those things heād justified, this was the one he couldnāt watch? What a fucking hypocrite. Ola was watching, though, her eyes unmoving except for an occasional blink. Like a vulture, Kalu thought, waiting for me to rot.
āHurry up,ā the pastor said to him. āMy wife is waiting for me and I have service in the morning.ā
Kalu took off his trousers and underwear. Okinosho grunted with satisfaction.
āOya,ā he said, gesturing to Machi. āStart your penance. It will end when you spill your seed where we can see it.ā
Kalu knelt between the girlās legs and tried not to look at her face. He wished heād never gone to Ahmedās party, never met that woman on the balcony, never heard what sheād said that led him barging into that room.
Heād saved no one, certainly not himself. Okinosho was laughing and telling Kalu heād better do something to get hard unless he wanted to be paying penance till morning came. Ahmed, the coward, was still looking away. Kalu felt something in him curl and blacken as he reached down and began to stroke himself.
So, he thought, this was what damnation felt likeāa corruption he would never recover from, a piece of his soul that would never come back to him, that would never be whole again. Machi didnāt look at him, didnāt move.
Kalu began to push himself inside her.
twenty
Saturday, 11:06 PM
The car was silent as Ahmed drove Kalu home.
The air between them was heavy with things that simply couldnāt be said, and Ahmed wasnāt sure what to do. His hand tremored against the steering wheel, and the image of Kalu on the carpet of the pastorās house burned through his mind. Machiās bored face turned away beneath him, the expression on Kaluās face when he eventually came, the way he clutched at the girlās hips. Heād had no choice. Okinosho wouldāve killed him. Ahmed hoped heād been thinking of Aima while he did it. Souraya would have whispered something else, another possibilityāwhat if Kalu had simply thought of the child beneath him and what if that had been enough?
Ahmed shuddered. Kalu would never admit that even if it was true and Aima was no Souraya. How could any relationship survive that? It was a blessing that Okinosho hadnāt hunted down Aima and forced her to watch it as well. She couldāve easily been one of the people in that room, and Kalu would be even more shattered than he was now. Ahmed glanced over at Kalu, realizing that his best friend didnāt even know Aima was still in the city. There hadnāt been time to mention it, and Ahmed couldnāt tell Kalu about Seun, about the specifics of how heād been part of orchestrating this whole thing with Machi. How heād asked Ola for help. How heād been the one to bring Machi there. If Okinosho had cut Kalu to the bone with this thing, then Ahmed had been the one who forged the knife and handed it over. He might as well have wrapped his hand around Kaluās penis and guided it into the girl himself.
Kalu was curled up against the car door, unmoving. Heād been blank and numb ever since the pastor had waved them off with his sharkās smile. Ahmed had had to buckle him into the passenger seat, murmuring the few lies of comfort he could come up with in that moment, that it would be fine, that it was over now. Heād plugged Kaluās phone into the carās charger. The screen was smashed and it glitched a few lines before turning on. Kalu had slumped against the door and hadnāt moved since. It wasnāt fine. It wasnāt over at allāwhatever personal hell Kalu was in was just beginning.
The guilt gnawed away inside Ahmedās chest, but he tried to push it down. Would he have done anything differently? Would he have refused Machi if heād known thatās what Okinosho meant to use her for? Wasnāt it better than Kaluās dying, this bargain he and Ola and Okinosho had carved into existence? And then there was Seunās bodyāthe heaviness of his limbs, the gape of his mouth. Hadnāt this all been an impossible choice to make?
Ahmed was interrupted by Kaluās phone ringing. He glanced down and saw Aimaās name jagged on the screen. Kalu hadnāt moved his head or opened his eyes.
āKalu,ā he said. āKalu. You have to answer it. Itās Aima.ā
A flicker crossed Kaluās face, a buried expression rippling under his skin, but he didnāt move. The phone kept ringing. Ahmed swore under his breath. He could only pray that Aima would say nothing about Seun, that she would hold his secrets as well as he planned to hold Kaluās.
āSheās here, Kalu. She never went to London.ā
That caught Kaluās attention. He raised his head slowly and tears filled his eyes.
āSheās here?ā His voice was broken and rusty.
āYou should talk to her.ā The suggestion brought a panicked shame galloping through Kaluās face, and Ahmed rushed to reassure him. āDonāt tell her anything about today or last night. It didnāt happen. You hear me? It didnāt happen.ā
The phone stopped ringing, and Ahmed tapped on the compromised screen, calling her back. He handed the phone to Kalu. āYou can still have a future with her; itās a good sign that sheās calling you. Talk to her. Put all this behind you. Donāt let what Okinosho did spoil your life.ā
Kalu nodded and took the phone, but when Aimaās voice came through the line, Ahmed could see his resolve tremble.
āKalu?ā she said. āAre you there?ā
āYes,ā he said. āWhere are you?ā
