But then, he spoke. His voice was rough, but there was a hint of something else in there. Something that made my chest flutter. “My sister…”
“What?” I cawed.
“Euleighna…” his voice stretched. “My sister…” he repeated, and then looked up at me.
My face flushed.
“You think she is your sister?” Red asked, pointing his thumb at me.
“Euleighna, I am sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you…” he said, his voice jagged and hurting.
“Gerald, Jezz isn’t your sister.”
“I…” He paused, like he was stuck in some makeshift perception that I was, and one where I wasn’t.
But it didn’t matter. I wasn’t about to role play as a sibling to a bloodthirsty unstable, bone-headed monster!
I tried to brush off the awkwardness. “Look, I don't know where your sister is or what happened to her, but I'm not her. I'm Jezz, and I'm just a fae trying to survive in this world and help my people.”
Gerald's eyes flickered with recognition, and then desperation. It made me uncomfortable, and I shifted in my seat. “I know that,” he said softly. “I just thought...”
“What? That because I looked like her that I’d throw you a bone and forget everything you’ve done to humans?!” I hissed. “You’re the last person I’d show any sympathy for!”
Red cleared his throat, breaking the tension. “Well, regardless of why you saved us, we're grateful. And we could use all the help we can—”
“I’m not done yet!” I cried, jumping off of my seat with uncapped frustration! I was going to let it all out! Years of malice, years of death! I was going to give this beast a piece of my mind! “After everything you've done, you dare to look at me like that? Like we are allies? Like we owe you something for saving us?!”
“Jezz!” Red called at me, trying to tame me, but my fire was hot, and I was going to burn down everything in my path! “You killed my people, hunted us down like animals, and now you want me to forget all of that just because you finally decided to have a good heart? Just because you felt sorry?! Well, you’re not cutting any breaks with me! I know your part in this war all too well! You’re the fuel to Lucyna’s flames! You’ve caused widespread chaos on unimaginable scales! You’ve helped the dragons conquer lands, claim battles and lives, and sowed the hardships of Senterrians everywhere! Because why wouldn’t anyone want a cool war machine like you? Why wouldn’t they try to kidnap every human they could to make an army of Geralds?! You truly don’t know the damage you’ve caused, and one simple fucking act of kindness isn’t going to erase it all away! People are dying because of you! This war is scaling because of you! If you want to repent, if you want to do this world some good, then roll over and die!” I cried, tears streaming down my angry eyes. I marched right to him, triggering Red to get off his seat, but he didn’t chase me. He was afraid. I was stirring the pot, and he was terrified that I might break the unpredictable beast in two. “I will never forgive you, you monster! After what you did to the human race, you have no right to act like you’re the victim! So you can take your apology and shove it up your ass!”
I stopped, panting for air, but the rage and hatred still blazed in my heart. My chest heaved, and sweat streamed down my back. Gerald stared at me for a moment, and then his eyes softened. The titan guard fell to his knees, bowing his head to me. “Forgive me, for I have caused great suffering to my people…” he begged. “You may end my life.”
I gasped. Did he just really say that?
What the heck was he doing? How could he just grovel like that? I thought he would be livid, angry, and ready to fight or kill me, but he just laid his pride at my feet with a plea to end him! And Red was just watching, awestruck.
...I was speechless.
I tentatively stepped forward and he looked up at me with regret and sorrow in his eyes. I...I couldn't. I couldn’t forgive him! I wanted to kick the shit out of him, to yell and scream at him, but I couldn’t do that either. He was a creature that thrived on violence! He was the epitome of war! A living, breathing monster! He had no soul, no heart, no compassion—so why was my chest burning up with so much pain for him?
Gerald was making me shake with a bomb of emotions.
My face sulked, my chin to my chest as tears stung my eyes. “I should have been more understanding… my best friend was overclocked by orcs… And you… just the same. Except you’ve been reconditioned for years… I can’t stand here and say that I don’t understand that kind of pain. That look on your face… I’ve seen it before. Recka…”
“Jezz?” Red whispered my name behind us, and I dropped to my knees, overwhelmed with regret.
“How could I stand here and judge you when I’ve done the same!? I’ve lost count with how many lives I’ve taken from sheer gluttony! I’ve torn families, left children parentless, friends, and lovers apart, all for the sake of surviving! How can I say that my actions are any better or worse than yours?! This beast inside of me…I have to live with it for all of my life!” My voice cracked as I struggled to hold back tears. “It doesn’t matter how many I save… I can never bring those people back… I thought I left that part of me behind, but as much as I tried to run away from the past and be a better person, my old habits were never really gone. Inside, I am still a monster.””
“Jezz, you shouldn’t be hard on yourself,” Red said as he approached us. “War brings out demons from us all. I too have taken lives. I take them so my people can live. I take them so my land can flourish. I also take them for my government, for power, for resources. A life is a life, whether good or bad, and I don’t have the right to judge you or anyone else for the actions we take in times of war.”
I looked up at Red as I tried to come to terms with my own demons. Red placed a hand on my shoulder, offering me comfort and support.
Gerald was mournful. I could sense his agony and his desire to make amends for his past misdeeds. Deep inside, I wanted to forgive him and let go of the anger and hurt that had been festering inside of me for so long. But another part of me couldn't forget the lives he had taken and the pain he had inflicted on innocent people.
“I don't know if I can forgive you, Gerald,” I whispered softly, my voice trembling with emotion. “But I want to try. I want to believe that you can change, that you can become a better person.”
“We all need to do better, and that starts by burning down the bridges of oppression,” Red replied. “I remember what you told me, Jezz. About our world dying. In order for us to move forward, we must mend Thalian’s wounds.” He turned to Gerald with a smile. “Like I mentioned, we could use your help with spreading the word of the end. Maybe then, we can finally end this war. What do you say?”
A chance, a string of hope. There was no way Prism would allow Gerald in their home, and I couldn’t blame them. That meant that we had to reconsider our next destination. While Gerald was all for kicking dragon ass and taking down dragon names, there was always the possibility of Lucyna reconditioning him.
She was pretty good at doing that.
He had been brainwashed for years, where nothing could break her mojo. It took the love of his dead sister to bring back parts of his humanity, but the machine was still there. I knew how gears worked. I lived around it each and every day. Madeem had even told me dark stories I could never forget, and Gerald was an extreme case of cyberloading.
My mind was bothered with worrying. I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh. It was hard to keep my guard up all the time, and I was starting to feel drained. As the fire crackled in front of me, I started to feel grateful for its warmth and simple comfort..
The tension in the air dissipated, and I could finally relax. I leaned back against a nearby tree, watching as Gerald and Red talked and laughed together. They had formed a bond over the meal, and Gerald grew more human with every passing minute.
“He seems okay now, but when it’s time to fight, can Gerald keep the machine part of him at bay?” I said to myself, then chuckled. “I can see Silas’ face now—traveling with Gerald? He’d flip his lid.”
“Ready to head out, Jezz?” Red called out to me, waving his hand.
“Yeah,” I answered back. I was ready to teleport us to our next destination.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Silas
I will kill them all… I will wipe the slate clean, and harvest the perfect race! The humans will be the precursors of something marvelous. No more suffering, no more torment, agony, and despair! Thalian will become whole again!
