“Me too,” she admitted, feeling her body warming up underneath me. “I've had a crush on you since the first day we met.”
“Really? You’re not just saying that to stroke my ego?”
She giggled. “I don’t need to do that, Silas. You don’t feed off of ego. And… I just had a feeling we’d complement each other. I needed someone strong like you by my side…”
I looked at her funny. “What do you mean, Jezz? You’re plenty strong on your own.”
“No… I’m not,” she said, her mood suddenly changing.
“Come, let’s talk,” I said, offering her a hand. We walked a few steps from the shore line, where Jezz took a seat. I knew then that it was time to talk seriously, and I took a seat right next to her as she huddled her knees against her chest.
“There’s a lot I didn’t tell you Silas. There are just some things that I’d rather you not know about me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t think so highly of me. I have a dark past, and it haunts me every day. Being in Lucyna’s dungeon just brought all of my darkness out, and I did terrible things while I was in Dradersi.”
“Terrible things?” I sighed. “Jezz, if you don’t feel comfortable telling me, then don’t. I’m not going to outcast you or—”
“I ate humans,” she blurted out, then shut her eyes tight. “Matissa tortured and starved me to the point where I lost control of my inner beast, and I ate innocent humans!” she sobbed.
I lost my breath. “Jezz…”
She buried her face in her hands. “I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer, not from you, Silas! I am weak! The weakest person I know! And the stupidest person I know! When I was young, I tried to single-handedly overthrow the fae council. I marched right in there and caused them grief! I was so tired of them acting like they were the only race who mattered! But I failed, and bad. They cursed me and made me turn against the very people I was fighting for!” She sobbed. “Turning me into a beast, one with a thirst for human blood… I can still hear their screams, that man begging me to spare his wife! But I didn’t care! I was so hungry! So very fucking hungry! I couldn’t stop myself no matter how hard I tried. And the beast in me enjoyed every second of it!”
I was speechless. I couldn’t believe what Jezz was saying. I knew that she had been through a lot, but I didn't expect her to have broken her code. She told me of everything that had happened to her from the day we separated to the night Gerald saved her and Red. The dragon conclave, the goblin parley, the torture, and the Blood Games. She was there when the explosion had happened, being offered as a gift for the dragons and serving as an ace in their plans.
Despite her confession, I wasn’t upset with her. In fact, I was more upset with the fact that she found herself in such a dire situation! The pain Jezz must have felt, the hopelessness and misery. True I felt bad for the couple, but I was shaking inside from how torn she was for killing them. After everything she went through, that was what she was most upset about.
Anger was simmering inside me the more she confessed. Confiding in me brought her relief. She was caging this in for so long. No one in Prism knew about her past, about her crimes, and about her cravings. When we’d first met, I remembered how she teased about the idea of eating my heart out, but now I knew this was a real battle she was dealing with. Despite her being this sweet and devoted fae, she was still a dangerous beast, as she expressed how terrified she was of herself.
I took a deep breath and consoled her. “Jezz, listen to me. Whatever you did in the past, it doesn't define who you are now. You're not that person anymore. You've come a long way from that dark place, and you should be proud of yourself.”
Jezz looked up at me with tearful eyes. “You don't understand, Silas. It's not just about what I did. It's about what I am. It’s good that Prism didn’t know who I was.. I was never popular enough to mention outside of Mavriel, but this part of me… it’s–”
“Your inner beast doesn’t define you!” I reminded her. “You’ve gone great lengths to tuck this animal part of you inside and move on to do great things for Senterrians! Don’t hold this one drawback against you. It’s not your fault. I need you to remember that.”
She sniffled.
“Jezz,” I said softly, taking her hands in mine. "I still care for you, no matter what.”
She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. “How can you say that? I'm a monster, Silas. I ate people!”
“I know,” I said, pulling her close. “But you're not a monster. You're just...different. And that's okay. We all have our demons—isn’t that what you said? It's how we deal with them that matters. And you’ve been doing great. You’ve been trying to make amends for what you’ve done, and trying to make sure that you never hurt anyone like that again. You’re a survivor. And I admire you for that. I know it’s not easy to face your demons, but you’re doing it. And that takes a lot of courage.”
“When I was cursed and had my first human heart, I vowed to never do that again. The High Order toyed with me, turned me into a freak. I swore I’d do right by people, Silas.”
“And you have.” I smiled. “Look at what you’ve done here? You’ve rescued countless people and spared countless lives. These survivors look up to you like you’re their shepherd, Jezz. As an overseer, you’ve protected them through thick and thin, making sure they don’t go to bed hungry, or wake up the next morning in a wagon, chained and gagged, ready for trade. These people felt lost when they thought you had died. You have such a huge impact on their lives, don’t let this small bump in your journey cloud your path.”
She smiled. “You were always so nice to me, even though I’ve kept so many secrets from you.”
I chuckled. “Well, you have a complicated life, Jezz. Like, I don’t know, being a baron’s daughter?”
She gasped, tossing her hand over her lips.
I laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m not intimidated. But you should have seen my face when I discovered the truth. I thought I was going to keel over.”
“Who told you?!” she barked at me.
“Who do you think? You haven’t told anyone in PP, right?”
“No, I haven’t!”
“Well, let’s just say a certain family member of yours made their way to our camp and—”
“Jerius?!”
I looked at her shocked. “Well, shit, is he that predictable?”
She glared. “I can’t believe he found it!”
“Don’t worry, no one down there is in trouble. At least, I don’t think.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about that. He doesn’t hurt Senterrians. I’m worried that he’d trick you to help him get his hands on the Grimoire.”
“Eghhh…”
She deadpanned me. “You didn’t!”
“In my defense, that book helped you find me and helped us get the second shard!”
“So that’s who you’ve been traveling with? SILAS! HE IS A CON MAN!” she roared. “All he knows how to do is lie through his abnormally bright white teeth!”
