“I think you need to leave.” Noah’s stern voice popped in.
At that, Hampton’s eyes darkened. He brought his fists together to crack his knuckles and stalked over. “Who are you?” He spat out the words and turned his head to Lucille, his finger jabbing into Noah’s chest. “Is this your new guy? Is he the reason you’ve been ignoring me? Fucking Lurch over here.”
Noah’s jaw flicked but he stayed put. “Your behavior isn’t welcome here.”
“What are you gonna do about it?” Hampton faked a lunge at Noah, but Noah stood like a tree trunk. “You wanna go? Because I’ll take you out. You see what I’ll do for you, Luce?”
Perdie shook her head; she had to end this. It was too hard to watch. And there was no way Hampton could take Noah in a fight. It’d be an instant knockout. “Hampton, back off. I’m the one who blocked you on Lucille’s phone, and that’s why she’s been ignoring you. She had no idea. If you’ve got a problem right now, take it up with me. And for your own safety, leave Noah out of this. Use your eyes, he’s huge.”
Lucille’s eyes snapped over to her. “P, what were you thinking? Look what you did.”
Perdie mouthed back, “I’m so sorry, talk later?”
But Hampton was fuming. “What the hell? I always knew you were some kind of fucking meddling bitch.”
Perdie reached into her handbag, searching for her phone. “I’m calling the cops.”
“No cops...” Lucille whispered. But Hampton was on the move.
He stalked over, face-to-face with Perdie.
With her hands shaking, she snatched her phone from her handbag.
“Hey!”
Before she could unlock the screen, Hampton grabbed it from her, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it with his boot. “How’s it feel to have someone interfere with your personal shit, huh?”
“Hampton, you can’t just do that to people’s phones!” Lucille exclaimed. “People store pictures of their dogs on those things.”
Oh hell no. The crushed glass and metal on the ground had Perdie’s adrenaline pumping. The right thing to do would be to walk away, to shuffle off and ensure everyone could get inside safely. The peaceful approach. Maybe even let Noah handle it. He was big and strong, and clearly capable. That would be the right thing to do. Swallow her pride.
And with that reasonable thought in mind, Perdie yanked the flimsy cardboard box of banana pudding out of its bag. “Oh, you messed with the wrong meddling bitch today.”
She cocked her arm and shock crossed over Hampton’s features as she smashed the box square against his face, the paper crumpling, viscous yellow pudding exploding from every seam, splattering his beard, hoodie, hair, and beanie, and then dripping onto black pavement. He stumbled, bent over after for a moment, stunned from the hit.
“Holy shit. P, I can’t believe you did that.” Lucille clapped her hand over her mouth.
Time stood still. The collapsed box hit the ground. Hampton shook banana pudding off his sleeves, wiping it from his eyes.
And then without warning Perdie burst into laughter at the sight of him, peals of laughter ripping from her chest. He looked so silly. She wished she had more pudding to throw. You could never go wrong with banana pudding...
“I think it’s time for you to go,” said Noah.
“Fuck you, buddy.” Hampton spit pudding on the ground.
“No.” All heads turned at the snap of Lucille’s voice. She stood arms akimbo. “I get to tell him. I’m the one who gets to tell him to leave. You don’t get to steal my thunder. Just because you’re big and strong and serious.” She pointed her finger at Hampton. “I lied. You never once gave me an orgasm. And dopamine doesn’t work that way.” Then she smiled and waved. “Goodbye.”
This time Noah had to smother a smile.
“Oh you think that’s funny?” Hampton asked. Without warning, Hampton took a swing at Noah’s face. Sucker punch. But Noah ducked with ease, the momentum causing Hampton to spin in a circle.
“Shit, Noah, watch out!” Lucille yelled.
Perdie yanked Lucille by the sleeve to move her out of harm’s way.
Hampton geared up for another punch but like a flash, Noah snatched Hampton up by the collar, holding him out like a rag doll.
Noah’s voice was deadly calm. “My moral code compels me to inform you that while I might be inebriated, I have four consecutive bareknuckle boxing titles from the greater New York City area. I want you to carefully evaluate this data set before I release my hold on your collar. Consider your odds of survival at this juncture. Once you have reached the only logical conclusion, then consider the fact that when released, the only way you leave this property unharmed is if you walk without so much as one more word to either me or these two women ever again.”
Hampton’s breath was heavy, and banana pudding remnants gunked off his face. He turned his head to spit pudding out onto the pavement. “Whatever, man. I don’t need this shit anyway.”
Noah leveled a stern glare, relaxing his grip on Hampton’s collar, letting Hampton crumple.
Hampton glared at all three of them, wiping his face with the hem of his hoodie, before turning around. Perdie tracked his movements until he jumped into his white Range Rover and peeled out of the neighborhood, flipping them the bird out the window.
They all stood in a moment of silence.
“Thank god he’s gone. Lucky no one got hurt.” Perdie pushed out a huge breath.
“Are you really a bareknuckle boxer?” Lucille asked when they finally made their way to the wooden stairs.
“In another lifetime.” Creak. “Ugh.” Noah halted on the stairwell, and Perdie bumped against his back.
“What is it?” Perdie asked.
“I think I’ve stepped on a nail. Actually, I don’t think it. I know it.”
“Shit.” Welp, she’d spoken too soon about no one getting hurt.
