And then the unspeakable.
A burning wetness sprang to her eyes. Tears? She shuttered her gaze, a sob fighting to escape. All the feelings stirring inside her like wet slush—emotional, physical, spiritual—were about to wring out like a washcloth in a fist. Already wrenched and ragged, she sniffed futilely to ease the tightness.
Maybe it was the bite of cold wind on her face? Maybe it was the two drinks from before? Maybe it was that Mercury was in retrograde? But tears? Where did they come from? And worse, she suddenly had the urge to bury her face into his chest and let loose a sob like a child with a skinned knee.
She bit her lip hard, stealing another glimpse. Fuck. A mistake. And then...just like that...she cracked.
“Oh shit. Perdie. Are you crying?” In a flash his thumb swiped her cheek, smearing away the hot tear.
She tried to hide her face, but he cupped her jaw, eye to eye, searching.
“Oh god, oh god. I’m so sorry.” He wrapped her in his arms and pulled her limp body to his warm chest. But the tears streamed like water from a busted spigot. Pathetic, muffled sobs. “Whatever it is, I’m sorry.” He rocked her gently. “Was it the dirty talk? Too much? Too far? I’ll never do it again. I swear it. God I’m an asshole.”
She wiped at her face and choked, shaking against him. “No, not that. I like that... I wanted that...”
“Then what? Tell me what’s wrong. What’re you feeling?”
But how could she find words for a feeling she’d never experienced before? It was like describing her own internal organs. Like describing the very blood that coursed inside her veins. Where to start? She pulled away, snorting and huffing, but he squeezed her gently.
“Stay,” he whispered, and when she lifted her chin, his mouth turned up into a gentle smile. He stroked the exposed skin of her upper back with his thumb. “Take a breath. In and out. Nice and slow. Talk to me.”
She swallowed hard. Humiliated at her breakdown. But like the tears, the words spilled too. “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life,” she said, her voice gurgling and uneven. “I’m thirty-nine and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. What’s the point of any of this? Like, what’s the fucking point?”
He stroked her hair, smoothing it, soothing her. “I guess I haven’t ever really considered it.”
She nodded against his chest. “Sometimes it’s all I think about.” A sob burst through again, accented with a hiccup. “And... And... I love Lucille so much.”
He leaned away from the hug with a questioning frown. “Lucille? Your roommate?”
Perdie nodded, wiping her nose with her hand. “My best friend. I don’t know, I love her so much.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“I’m feeling a lot of things right now. I think maybe it’s the weather. Or the holidays. Or... I’m a Scorpio, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know. I’m a Leo.”
His answer made her laugh, pressed hard against his white shirt. With a start, she pushed away to see the wet, inky splotch of mascara on the otherwise pristine material.
“Oh no, your shirt. I’ve totally ruined it. Got makeup all over you.” She futilely wiped at the spot with her fingertips, then dragged her thumb under her eyes, rubbing the wet excess of makeup. “Wait, here, put your coat on. It’ll hide the stain.”
But he merely shushed her, rocking her, his hand on her hair, her cheek to his chest. “Relax. I’ll put it on when we go in. I’m not worried about my shirt. You burst into tears after we had sex against the wall. I have different priorities at the moment. Okay?”
She stiffened a bit, but then let out a big calming puff of air.
“Let’s think about good things,” he said. “Tell me why you love your friend Lucille so much.”
“She put the condom in my clutch.”
A deep rumble of a laugh vibrated his chest. “Wow. In that case, I should send her a thank-you card. Maybe a fruit basket.”
“Oh god, no. She doesn’t like fruit, only chocolate.” Perdie sniffled.
“Okay, I’ll get on the phone with a chocolatier.”
She let out a giggle. Lucille might actually really like that. But then her face fell. She wiggled hard out of Carter’s arms and knelt to gather her clutch. The contents had been left splayed on the ground. Too vulnerable.
“I need to leave.” She was exhausted from the crying. The sex too. “I can’t be here.” She opened the mirror, regarding herself in the reflection. Her eyes were swollen but she’d already wiped away most of the mascara, and by some miracle of glue science the false eyelashes remained attached. She dabbed her face, and worked to smooth her hair. Fortunately, presentable again. Wet though, in lots of places.
He scratched the back of his neck and knelt down as well to retrieve his jacket from the ground. “Let me take you home.”
She clicked the mirror shut and returned it to the clutch. “What about Aubrey?”
“We came in separate cars.”
“Wait, what?”
“She’s my real estate agent and my friend’s sister. I was trying to help her network. It wasn’t a date.”
Perdie pursed her lips. “She’s pretty.”
He cocked his head. “And?”
“And nice.”
The side of his lips curled. “I don’t like nice.”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile. “You’re a masochist.”
