And, of course, it went without saying that the sex they were having could only be described as unreasonable. Perdie could never deny their physical connection, which was off the charts.
L: How many orgasms???
Lucille had texted her late into the night, Perdie locked into little spoon position, Carter sleeping peacefully next to her.
P: An unreasonable number. How’re things with Noah and the Knox Fam?
L: Terrible. Everyone keeps asking where you are, and they love Noah more than me. Doesn’t anyone realize I’m the star of this show?
P: You’re the star of my show, Luce.
L: Don’t try to butter me up. It won’t work.
L: Just kidding, it will. Oh whatever, go have fun with your pretty, pretty, Prince Charming.
And now Perdie and Carter were together on Christmas morning like two newlyweds in a Folgers commercial, embracing each other in front of a snowy window backdrop. Sure, they weren’t newlyweds, and sure, the snow was covering palmetto trees instead of evergreens, but nonetheless, the distinctly homey sensation of the holidays permeated. The sensation one discovers when one spends time with someone they love.
Oh shit.
“I have some calls to make, but I was thinking I could do some real fancy stuff with a few eggs for breakfast. What say you?” Carter loosened his grasp on Perdie, peering down at her. They had been surviving off junk food mainly as neither one of them possessed any cooking skills. Perdie half expected Carter to be one of those “clean eaters” who would only consume egg white omelets with kale and raw millet or whatever, but if he had complaints about the local cuisine of licorice and cherry pie he kept them to himself.
Perdie shook her head. “You’re my guest. So allow me. Go make your calls.”
A few minutes later, Carter had his tablet propped up on the end table while Perdie tentatively opened the drawer in the fridge with the eggs. Perdie was a little ashamed of the fact that she hadn’t cooked for herself in years. She’d grown accustomed to takeout or Lucille’s culinary skills, which were vast and impressive.
You are thirty-nine years old, you can make a fucking omelet.
For good measure, she set her phone on the counter next to the stove and googled easiest omelet recipe of all time.
Thankfully, Carter was too distracted by his video call to watch her flounder around in the kitchen. However, he sat within her view. Voices trailed in from the living room.
As she cracked six eggs into a bowl, his mothers fussed in the background.
“I sent you another bottle of that peppermint essential oil in the mail. I made it with extra love just for you. And don’t forget to take a probiotic, okay, sweetie?” A floaty voice resonated from the tablet.
A harsher, sharper voice chimed in. “Joanne and Michael are here. They brought the kids and everyone wants to know why their favorite uncle is a no-show. Joanne, get over here. Carter’s on the video call.”
The sobs of children grew in volume.
“Uncle Carter, Uncle Carter, why don’t you love us? If you loved us you would be here for Christmas. Uncle Carter ruined Christmas. Uncle Carter doesn’t love usss.”
Perdie stopped dead in her tracks at the voices. Jesus Christ, what?
Carter remained unperturbed. “Joanne, I asked you to stop making the kids say weird things like that. It’s creepy.”
Giggles erupted in the background as Perdie whipped up the eggs in her bowl, yolk and egg white splashing her thumb. Another woman’s voice chimed in.
“Whatever, my little brother-in-law. You deserve it. They’ve been asking for you all day, I can’t believe you’re ditching us this year you a-s-s-h-o-l-e. We needed you. Michael was able to take off the entire weekend, and he cuts hearts open for a living so I don’t see how some mergers and acquisitions are so pressing that you can’t get on a plane to come see your family who love you very, very much you j-e-r-k.”
“I can’t change the weather, Jo. I’m not god, unlike Michael, who thinks he is. I bet I can make up for it though. Is everybody ready for a surprise?”
A child chorus of yeses rang out.
“Surprise!” Carter held Bananas in his lap so the pug was standing with his paws up as if in surprise. Bananas let out a signature whao-whao-whao.
The kids oohed and aahed. “Look at the doggie.”
“Mommy, why can Uncle Carter have a dog, but we can’t?”
“Because Uncle Carter is a big boy with a big boy paycheck and a big boy house. But seriously, you find a house yet? Can’t believe you’re going to live in a house all by yourself.”
Perdie rustled around for a frying pan, trying not to eavesdrop, and failing. He wasn’t exactly trying to hide his conversations.
“Getting there. Have it narrowed down to a few.”
“And since when do you have a dog? It looks old. Where are you anyway? That’s not your rental. And oh ho ho ho. What is that painting in the background?” Sister-in-law Joanne was apparently conducting an interrogation.
Carter caught Perdie’s eye, at which point she panicked. He gestured to her tentatively, as if he were asking if she wanted to introduce herself to his family. Her eyes went wide and she mimed with her waving hands what she hoped communicated the message hell no.
Carter turned back to face the screen. “Ah, I’m at a friend’s house.”
“Oh, I see, there’s a woman. There’s definitely a woman. Michael, did you know your brother has a new girlfriend? Hey, Cindy, Carter’s seeing someone.”
The dreamy voice from before called out, “Carter, honey. I’m so happy for you. Can we meet her when you come home? Tell her she’s invited to my gallery showing on Easter. When am I going to get grandkids? I’m not going to live forever.”
A cold shot of adrenaline coursed through Perdie’s veins. She tensed, swallowing thickly as she heated the pan with butter and poured in the eggs, pretending not to hear.
Joanne’s voice again. “Seriously, Carter. What’s the holdup? You have everything, the money, the looks, you almost have a house, you’re great with kids. No reason to wait.”
