I needed to say it before he did. “Let’s review. You have an agreement.” I was not speaking to my egg sandwich. “What, exactly is the trouble? You’re feeling guilty that you’re—I’m guessing here—way more involved in the ‘college lifestyle’ than she thinks you are? Way more than she is? You’re more involved than she knows about. In fact you’re lying your ass off?”
“Yeah. That’s about right.”
“So you and I need to cool things off? Or we need to quit all together.”
“Hell, no. We need to be hyper careful, that’s all. Like last night. You had no way of knowing, but I realised that girl you were talking to by the couch is in Jess’s dorm. I don’t know her, but I’ve seen her in their lobby. That’s why I acted like I was taking you home or we were hitting another party. Why I got you outside.”
“Outside, Liam, and then upstairs.” I ate my sandwich before my grip on it forced the yolk all over my fingers. It gave me time to put my thoughts together. “And here I thought it was the moon.”
He laughed, all smug and relieved. “Quick thinking, right? And the thing is, homecoming’s next week so she’ll be at the house for the weekend. Jess, that is. Jess’ll be here but I’ll call you Sunday night.”
I wished I hadn’t finished my coffee so I could throw it in his face. “As I see it, Liam, you and Jess have an agreement. You’re lying through your teeth about your end of it, plus it’s not exactly the same agreement for her. And being at a girls’ school sort of keeps her in your back pocket.”
“That’s not how I’d put it.”
“Liam, I know where you put it.”
He looked at the patrons closest to us. “Okay, okay. Let’s get out of here. We can talk outside.”
I was quiet until we hit the sidewalk. “Is it you’re afraid she’ll find out how you really feel about me? Or maybe you’re afraid she’ll find someone who gets in her brain and her blood three times in one night. Or both.”
He grew pale so fast I hated that I knew him better than he knew himself, the two-timing motherfucking slime ball. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “We do have some great fun together. Yes, the sex is amazing. I love what you teach me.”
He stepped closer and grinned at me. Grinned! “Careful. We might have to start all over again.”
“We could,” I said, “But since this is true confessions day, you should know something.”
“What could I not know?”
He took a few paces while I took a few breaths. “For starters, I’m only sixteen.”
He froze. “What?”
“Sixteen. In fact I’m never on campus because I’m at Riverview High School. Eleventh grade.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Fucking you, yes. Kidding you, no way. I guess we both have secrets. Jessica’s yours; being a sixteen-year-old townie is mine. I’d hate for her to get the real story.”
“Don’t be an asshole.”
“Me, Liam? Me? Real is your football coach, the university, and your parents finding out you’ve been messing around big time with an under-age high school girl. You even took her virginity.”
“You little bitch.”
“I know you’re all about football and your college lifestyle, so let’s make a deal. You and I go to the bank right now; you withdraw three hundred dollars from your account and give it to me.”
“Fucking extortion.”
Man, the F word was flying. “Yes, but in return you’ll never see me again.”
He had no choice. We went to his bank; he withdrew the money out of his account and handed me the envelope of cash.
“This isn’t what you think, Liam. This is payback for Jessica, the girl who loves you. The one who trusts you.” I flagged down a taxi and asked for Plaza Frontenac. “I’ll bet you took her virginity, too. You always remember your firsts.” I hissed the plural.
Saks Fifth Avenue was as beautiful as I remembered. I made a beeline for the cosmetic department fragrance counter. It smelled amazing. I purchased Oscar de la Renta perfume for myself and my sister. As the saleswoman rang up my purchases I glanced at the next counter. “And that gift assortment on the middle shelf, Confession.”
I told her I had a friend in college with a birthday. …not sure of her campus address. Was it possible… I offered her a gratuity, the first in my life. Fifteen minutes later I had a promise: Confession parfum, eau de Toilette, body mist and bath gel could and would be delivered via USPS to Jessica Carpenter, freshman in care of the Stephens College student union post office. I printed only LW in block letters on the gift card.
Why should I care about some asshole jock named Liam Weller? For days tears sprang from nowhere. Okay, my wild ride derailed. Why did guilt flood me when I thought about his random, rich girlfriend I’d never meet? I cried and cursed alone, embarrassed by my emotional upheaval. I wallowed in my misery, then dragged myself back into high school mode. Thanks to Alexandra and Maria I had real friends. I paid attention.
The circle widened when classmates discovered my old man would supply beer and pot for a wink and a wad of cash. Among other things, it supported his four-pack-a-day Marlboro habit. Both my parents were slowing down, changing their buzz of choice to prescription meds. My mother’s streak of mean went right up her spine but Dad’s eccentric personality hovered around humour. When I ran track that spring, he was an overweight, overzealous presence at every meet, egging on other parents to scream our names. My lifelong humiliation softened. Dad genuinely resonated with almost everyone, not just teenagers.
I was a master shoplifter and, as a polished con artist, a damn good judge of character. It was easy to separate airhead schoolmates who brownied up to me when they wanted a buy, from the few who laughed at my sarcastic wit and praised my defiant behaviour. Cream of the crop they were not, but I was finally part of a loyal band who sought me out and made me feel welcome.
Once school let out, Alexandra, Maria and I were inseparable and at it again. The underage word was out on the Wash U campus so we expanded to different colleges and events on the Mississippi. Gambling, drinking, boat parties and St. Louis river life was back in style. My parents loved them and now it was my turn. My part-time mall job selling balloons from a cart put enough cash in my pocket to keep up my weekend festivities. This time I kept it light.
I slept at Alexandra’s so often it took four days to realise my mother wasn’t schlepping off to her job at the local convenience store. Darby confessed that the manager caught her stuffing his backpack with cigarette cartons. He’s been wearing it at the time. And then mid-summer my parents stopped me as I came through the door. I knew the look and braced myself.
“Out in the county. I swear you’ll like this one,” Dad said.
“My ninth! Yes, I keep track. New town, new rat trap. Now a new high school for my senior year?”
“New school equals new chance, Emma. We’re moving to that extra house on Gram and Gramps’ property.”
Middle-of-nowhere Missouri. “Animal Cracker Park? You’re shitting me.”
“Eighteen sweet acres.” My mother set her shoulders in a
