“I’m not your mother, sweet darling girl. I’m sorry for everything and my place in you ending up here.” I recognise her voice. Blaire, Kyrell’s mother. My eyes sting as I open them to look up at her. Now my eyes can actually open. It hurts to let light in. It’s nothing compared to the pain of my body, the broken bones I can feel being mended, and the bites still pouring my blood across my skin. Her magic is mixing with Kyrell’s, who is on my other side. Silent tears fall down his cheeks.
My voice is broken from screaming, and I can barely get the words out. “I’m so sorry.”
“It was not your fault,” he replies, “and even if it was, you paid enough of a price for it all. Don’t apologise and we won’t speak about him again. I can’t.”
I gulp, moving my hand and my broken fingers to touch Kyrell’s arm. He covers my hand with his, and for a long time, that’s all we do. We can’t talk about it too much here, where there will be people listening. When the pain is so much better, my bones less broken than before, I glance at Blaire. “Have you seen my mother?”
The magic flickers between them, the perfect mixture of orange and yellow light as she answers. “No. It turns out she’s been moved from her district. I don’t know where.”
Every bit of light dies in my chest, and a familiar darkness creeps back, pulling me under. What is the point of living? It will always be like this, and I never want to feel nearly all of my bones broken, my blood pouring everywhere as he screams at me again. Kyrell touches my chin, turning my gaze from the ceiling to him. “Don’t give up. Don’t let this beat you. Don’t fucking give up on me! I can see it in your eyes and, no, it’s not happening!”
I rest my head back and look up at the ceiling. How do I tell him that I gave up a long time ago? That any bit of hope that was dancing in my heart, it’s gone, and it really is never going to come back. Emyr beat and drained it out of me. “We’ll try again. This is not the end.”
But I don’t have it in me to hope anymore, to argue with him, so I don’t say anything more. For months, I refuse to speak or hope at all. Prince Emyr has won, and I am broken.
I wake up in the apartment, curled up on the bathroom floor with a pillow under my head and a blanket covering my legs that wasn’t there before. There is a breakfast tray and a drink waiting for me on the counter, and I blush, remembering what happened in this room last night. I slept with Ziven, my enemy. The frenzy, or heat as they call it, was overpowering, but there were moments there I thought I felt something so real.
I quickly shower, changing into the clothes left out for me, a long-sleeve T-shirt and leggings, and then I pull my boots on. I look at my flushed cheeks as I braid the front of my hair, flashes of me and Ziven coming back to me again. I can’t believe that happened. I literally slept with my enemy, and Daegan didn’t deserve that. I’m going to have to tell him everything and hope that he doesn’t hate me. I have to end it with Daegan after this. It’s cruel to keep on with him when it doesn’t feel like it’s the right thing to do anymore. When one touch from the Moon king sets me on fire and it’s not the same with Daegan. We should have stayed as friends, no matter what happened between Ziven and me.
I step out of the room only to come face to face with Ruelle and Hettie. She wraps her arms around me tightly, her tears brushing my cheek. Hettie is next, throwing herself at me, and she doesn’t let go for a long time. “You didn’t die! I was so scared.”
She lost her mother to this. I can’t imagine how scary this must have been. “I’m okay. I’m not sick.” I don’t lower my arms until she lets go first, knowing she really needed that hug.
Ruelle is leaning on her walking stick, looking me up and down. “You seem different.”
“I just escaped a horrible death. It does that to you,” I quickly answer.
Ruelle clicks her tongue. “Come on, Hettie. You’ve seen her now and we have lessons. Story is due at the Decidere.”
Hettie grins up at me, squeezing me tightly one more time before leaving with Ruelle. Ruelle looks over her shoulder at me. “Good luck!”
“You must have the deities on your side, Trouble.” Calix walks in, clapping his hands. “I’ll escort you to the Decidere.”
I join his side and head to the door, happy to be able to leave. “I don’t know if they are on my side or I just got lucky.”
“You must be immune,” Calix muses. “Maybe because you’re from outside.”
Maybe. I don’t know, but I’m glad not to be sick. The pathways and corridors are full of people, but they move for Calix when they spot us coming their way. I get it. I’d move out of his way if I didn’t know he is actually a sweet guy. When I get to the bottom of the steps on the Decidere level, Catherine jumps at me, hugging me almost as tightly as Hettie did. “I prayed for you every morning and night when I heard. How are you?”
“Not sick.” I let her go. “And thank you.”
Calix clears his throat, and I realise I’ve not introduced them. I mean, they have lived in this mansion for their entire lives, but there are thousands of people here. “Oh, right. Calix, this is Catherine. Catherine, Calix. He looks scary, but he isn’t.”
“I’m scary but I don’t bite unless commanded by my king.” Calix offers her his hand. She looks like a bunny who accidentally bumped into a fox as she takes his hand. “And any friend of Story is a friend of mine.”
“I—I,” she splutters.
Thankfully, we are interrupted by Etena, who comes over and stands at my side. She ignores Calix altogether, even if he just stares at her. “You’re alive then. Are you still going to claim not to be a survivor?”
“Good to see you too, Etena,” I say.
She shakes her head at me. “The king is waiting.”
“Which one? There is more than just the sun in the sky, Etena.” Calix’s purr rolls over her, and she straightens her spine before looking at him. The air feels charged as they glare at each other, and it reminds me of how Ziven looks at me sometimes—and how I look at him, too.
“I only look up in the day,” she replies, her tone icy. “And do not speak to me.”
“Why? Frightened to remember, darling?” Calix teases, but I think he means it. She walks away before he can say anything else, and he laughs, the sound hollow and empty. I’m surprised to see Ziven is here, talking with Daegan. Neither one of them looks happy. Daegan turns my way when he sees me, coming over with a bright smile and kissing my cheek, only because I turn so that he misses my lips.
We need to talk, just not here and now. Ziven glares at us both from the corner of my eye, but I don’t dare look at him. Daegan strokes his hands down my shoulders. “You’re well. I trusted my sources, but it’s still good to see you.” He leans in. “Just say the word. I’d understand if you aren’t up to the Decidere. I can take you away from it and no one will say a word. Last week can be the last one that you did, and you will still be fantastic.”
“No, I’m fine,” I firmly answer. I want to do the Decidere. I want to do it for Kyrell, and for myself. I know I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, but I’m not giving up and taking the easy way out now. “I’m just glad I’m not sick.”
Ziven steps up to my side, and the words that leave his mouth make me want to punch him. “We did enjoy our time together. She tastes and feels delicious.” He stops as Daegan looks furious and the words hit home. “Or have you not had the chance to have her?”
My cheeks burn as Daegan looks between us before he moves right in front of Ziven, his hands glowing. Ziven curves his hand and smirks. “Go for it. Make this day interesting.”
Calix steps up between them. “Remember that everyone is watching as you two fight over her. Both of your people are frightened enough with all the changes, and if they see you fight, war will follow.”
Ziven’s eyes drift to me. “You’re right, my friend. I do not fight over her.” There’s nothing but that cold bluntness left between us as his words stake their place in my chest. And it hurts. It meant nothing to him. I don’t know why my stomach feels like it drops. It shouldn’t have meant anything to me.
I lie easily, effortlessly. “Ziven is right, it was nothing. He was helping me. I was in a frenzy…but you call it heat.” I look him up and down. “One night that can easily be forgotten.”
Ziven laughs, cruel and bitter as he walks past me, pausing to lean into my shoulder, to whisper in my ear. “Liar.”
He leaves with Calix, and I blink the tears away, refusing to let him see me cry. I am a liar. I couldn’t possibly forget that night, how he felt, because he has ruined me for anybody else. Daegan is facing away from me, and my heart clenches. I do care about him, and I never meant to hurt him. “Can we talk about it after the test?”
Daegan turns around and tilts his head, smiling. “For a second there, I thought you’d lost your mind. It’s okay, going into heat, it’s uncontrollable and you couldn’t leave. All that matters is that you’re alive and you’re still mine. This won’t—he will not come between us.” He possessively kisses me on the forehead before I can get a word out. “Now go, the Decidere must begin.”
